Okay, so you’ve been through a breakup. That’s rough. No breakup is ever fun, whether you were the one doing the dumping or the one getting dumped. But hey, life goes on and you can’t spend all of your time lost in regret over what could have been. So a little bit of time has passed and you decide that you want to get back out there into the dating world. But every time you try, you just seem to bounce off it again. What’s happening? You used to be so good at this kind of thing, right?
Well, the truth is that getting back into the dating world after a breakup can often be a lot more difficult than people think. Sure, you might think that you can just go back to the way you were dating before, but every relationship you’re in shifts the way that you see dating bit by bit because of the ways that they change you as a person. However, that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to do.
With that in mind, here are some simple pieces of advice to help you get back in the saddle after a bad breakup.
Find the right places to connect with people
One of the hardest things about dating is actually finding the right places to connect with people in the first place. This is especially hard if you’re not straight. There’s a joke that says that every app is a dating app if you’re straight, and that might be an exaggeration, but not by much. LGBT people often find that they bounce off dating apps like Tinder because of how people respond to them on it. Luckily there are plenty of gay and lesbian dating services out there that are specifically geared towards helping you find someone that you would actually connect with. The same goes for those with alternative gender identities as well.
Know what you want
There are few things more frustrating than dating someone who doesn’t know what they really want. If someone doesn’t know if they want a relationship, or something more casual, or even just a close friendship, it can lead to a lot of frustration. Now, there’s nothing wrong with things like casual relationships at all, especially if you’ve just come out of a serious relationship. However, you need to know that that’s what you want from the start. Otherwise, someone is just going to end up getting hurt.
Don’t play games
There are those who will give you endless pieces of advice on how to play “the dating game.” They’ll tell you all of the tips and tricks to make sure that you have all the power in the relationship. The truth is that trying to have the power in any relationship is a recipe for disaster. Instead, the best thing to do is just be open and honest about how you feel. If you’re interested in someone, then tell them! If you want to text someone, just do it! Don’t wait some arbitrary amount of time before getting in touch. Games are for children, and if you really want a relationship that you can be happy in, you need to start acting like an adult.
If there’s one thing that causes more problems in most relationships than just about anything else, it’s a lack of communication. The truth is that if you can’t communicate with someone you’re dating, even casually, then it’s never going to work. You need to know what it is that each other wants and what it is that you’re each able to bring to the relationship in the first place. Without effective communication, there are going to misunderstandings, and things are going to get complicated. And sure, that might be great in the movies, but in real life, it’s just way more trouble than it’s worth.
Of course, if there’s one thing that you need more than anything else before you start getting back out into the world of dating, it’s time. If you try to start dating again before you’re really ready, you’re setting yourself up for total disaster. You’re going to end up constantly comparing the person that you’re with to your ex, they’re going to feel unappreciated, and you’re never going to be able to really communicate with each other about how you feel. Don’t feel like you have to get back in the saddle right away. It’s okay to need some time for yourself before you start dating again.