Tar used to be a power top. Then the PNP, partee n play, the partee-ing happened… and he now allows himself to get fucked while high on meth, tina, shabu, whatever. And – here’s the rub – he only allows himself to be fucked by these strangers who use drugs with him; that “intimate act” is NOT afforded to others… including his partner/lover.
Bottoming isn’t the issue; no need to bottom shame, hey.
If he became versa, or even a power bottom… that’s all good. The joys of bottoming can never be underestimated. I can vouch for this.
It’s the power structure that shifted because of drug use that bugs me.
Because of this willingness to be close to his abusers in a way that is not done with me.
They abused him, physically and figuratively, when those orgynizers introduced him to drug use. And every time they meet with him, they continue to abuse him… forcing him to take more drugs so they can then use him as bait when they invite others to their partees; “selling” his body to strangers while he’s high (so he can’t say no); literally preventing him from going home so they can use his body over and over again; and so on.
And now… they have “converted” him yet again.
To doing something that won’t be shared with me, but will be willingly done with people who are out to harm him.
And as I continue to stay with Tar, I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m jealous. I’m… feeling everything I know I shouldn’t be feeling.
And this is something those like me should know, should at least be familiar with. Because by choosing to stay, this is what business-as-usual looks like for us.
