This is part of #KaraniwangLGBTQIA, which Outrage Magazine officially launched on July 26, 2015 to offer vignettes of LGBT people/living, particularly in the Philippines, to give so-called “everyday people” – in this case, the common LGBTQIA people – that chance to share their stories.
As Outrage Magazine editor Michael David C. Tan says: “All our stories are valid – not just the stories of the ‘big shots’. And it’s high time we start telling all our stories.”
Kace Cabali, 32 years old from Metro Manila, was still in school when she realized she’s bisexual. “I noticed that I’ve always been attracted to females back in high school,” she recalled, adding that – for instance – “I had crushes with my teachers.”
But Kace said that “I never acknowledged this as sexual attraction. It wasn’t sexual attraction, just crushes.”
In college, Kace fell in love with a woman. “That’s when I realized I’m bisexual.”
COMING TO TERMS WITH BISEXUALITY
As the youngest of three kids, Kace aways had a good relationship with family members. “My family’s members are very close. And we’re very free to express ourselves,” she said. “So I just came home liking both men and women, and they didn’t really ask me about it. It’s like it just happened.”
Looking back, Kace said: Perhaps the difficulty was within myself; trying to accept I fell in love with a woman. That time, I was very close to (this woman), and I found it hard to accept I was in love with her. When I finally told her, even she couldn’t accept I was in love with her. And she’s a lesbian. I can still remember what she said to me: ‘You know I love you, right? That’s why I know you still like boys.’”
This made her realize that “even within the LGBTQIA community itself, being bisexual is hard. It’s like you’re not gay enough, and yet not straight enough. I just didn’t know if I’m bisexual or a lesbian or what. That was my struggle.”
This was particularly apparent to Kace then as she was trying to find a “label” to her identity. “At that time, label was important to me. Now, labels don’t matter. But that time, I wanted to know what I really am. And since people were telling me I’m not gay enough and not straight enough, I also questioned what I really am. Do I have to choose between a man or a woman? Am I supposed to only choose one? What has more weight for me: female or male? For me then, to find that label was to truly understand myself.”
FOCUSING ON #BIVISIBILITY
“To be honest, I haven’t met a lot of bisexual people in the Philippines,” Kace said. “I can’t speak for the other bisexual people, but I think bi-erasure is really a problem. People are erasing the fact that there’s really bisexuality. They just think bisexuals are just confused, or bisexuals are just experimenting, or bisexuals are just having fun, or they just want it all, both sides of the world. People think those. And it’s a struggle for people who are trying to understand themselves. And they can’t see others agreeing with them. Or these people try to (correct) you. They’re trying to correct you by telling you that you can only be this or that. You can’t be both.”
Kace thinks that “you really have to love yourself – as clichéd as that may sound. Because if you love yourself, you will understand yourself. Only you know who you are, what you really want, what you are. Or the kind of love that you want. In general, I think you should just love who you want to love. It may be female, male, or whatever. Just learn first to love yourself so you could express the love for other people.”
Having finished Mass Communication, with a minor in Development Communication, from St. Scholastica’s College in Manila, Kace now works as a multimedia artist in an international firm. Because she mingles with non-Filipinos who may be more conservative, Kace said it makes her happier. “It’s nice to be out at work,” she said. “If the environment is not toxic, you’d stay long in that environment.”
WELCOMING LGBTQIA COMMUNITY
“Within the LGBTQIA community now, I think it is more accepting of bisexual people. I think it is because we’re accepting the fact that love is just really love. So you just love who you want to love, who loves you. And I think we’re moving forward and people are understanding that bisexuality is not just a phase, or a game,” Kace said.
She added: “You really need to stop the hate. LGBTQIA people do not seek rights that affect your rights. Just spread love. Because if you spread love and stop the hate, we’ll have equality. For me, hate is what’s hindering us.”
TEACHING ACCEPTANCE
“To families with LGBTQIA members they can’t accept, ask yourselves why,” Kace said. “I think you need to find love in yourself. The world is already full of hate. And the fact that you can’t accept LGBTQIA members means there’s hate. I think you really need to find that love that’s freeing. Because when you find that kind of love, you will be accepting others, particularly family members who are part of the LGBTQIA community.”
Yes, Kace is currently in a relationship with another woman. And for her, “it isn’t that hard to find a relationship as a bisexual person. Particularly since you have the option to date a man or a woman. I think what’s hard is finding the relationship that is real, loving, accepting, and one that’s natural. So I think it’s not hard to find a relationship. But it’s hard to find the kind that’s truly loving.”
Relationship-wise, the biggest misconception people have with bisexual women in relationships with other women is that this is just a phase. “That I’m just experimenting right now, but eventually marry a man to start a family. They think that right now, I’m just having fun with a woman,” Kace said.
In the end, “I think bisexuals need to be more represented. We need to speak out more. The bisexual community is not widely known in the Philippines; or at least for me. So there’s a need for us to go out there, and be represented. It’s ‘LGBTQIA’ because it doesn’t only include lesbians and gays. Let’s represent bisexuals; let’s come out. And really educate people about bisexuality and the misconceptions about it.”
