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Literary Pieces

What constitutes a relationship

Patrick King Pascual takes a closer look at many gay men’s notion of “relationship”, and discovers that yes, it’s harder to keep a relationship that is not based on the razzle-dazzle of anything fancy (like cars and your lover’s package and such). But in the end, “the rewards you will get from it are all worth it. Because this is when you finally know what you have is worth keeping.”

Finding the “perfect” person to be with for the rest of your life is impossible. So that many are bound to say that when you meet someone and you think he’s perfect, you better run towards the other direction.

This sounds pessimistic, but ever since we started dating (or that night when we first learned how to explore the world of the infamous mIrc), we met different kinds of guys – guys who we thought were perfect only because they have a car or a high-paying job or a “package” anyone can be proud of. But after a couple dates, after multiple shared orgasms, after several Carrie Bradshaw moments with your friends, bragging about the guy you’re currently dating becomes futile, since you still end up with… nothing.

Yes, we’ve had our own share of meeting and being with the boy-next-door type or someone who is so courteous and lovable (the type that even your mom would like to spend her free time with to discuss just about anything under the sun), though – again – it still results to nothing.

The preconceived notion of having a “perfect relationship” is having a partner with the abovementioned traits – that is (and to stress), one who is understanding, one you can lean on, and one you can share the “I will forever be with you” moments.

There may be moments when we questioned ourselves if we’re the one with the problem. But after several glasses of wine while contemplating at home, or after a landslide of cocktails with your friends at your favorite bar, there’s that moment when everything slows down and you realize: “Why did I ever think that I’m the one with the problem? I just want to be with someone with whom I can be happy and contented with.” And just like that, it feels like you’ve just awakened from a bad dream. That moment, along with constant reminders from friends, opens your eyes to reality: it’s the notion that may be wrong because a “perfect relationship” doesn’t really exist.

Because being in that stereotyped notion of a “perfect relationship” doesn’t make you think, it doesn’t make you grow.

But in truth, to have a “perfect relationship” means working for it as it’s not something instant; you have to earn the bonuses along the way.

So I say when you meet someone who opens your eyes and heart again to something you never knew you are, you better hold him tight and don’t let go. Because it is like finding the shiny silver needle in the haystack.

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He may not the person you have been waiting for, nor the person you have been looking for, but – for me – meeting him is akin to meeting your destiny – cheesy as this may sound. Of the many guys you’ve been with over the years, who helped you lose interest in the words “ideal” and “the one” because of failed relationships and false flings, you then meet someone who – when you saw something as simple as his smile – made you realize that this person could actually be someone you’re going to love and feel forever young with for the rest of your life. This time, the mode of attraction is different. Instead of being attracted to his fancy ride or being bewildered with his well-endowed package, you are attracted with something deeper.

This time you know that when you finally, really love a person, you need to take care of him and make sure he’s always being taken care of. Because when you really love a person, you make sure he gets the love that he truly deserves. Never take him for granted and never make him your second priority.

But giving that person your undivided attention does not mean you will forego your other responsibilities and priorities (like your family, friends or work). Instead, your learn balance.  Everything starts falling into their places; everything starts to go hand-in-hand.

Yes, it’s harder to maintain a relationship that stands on a foundation that’s made out of emotions rather than be in a relationship that evolves around fancy stuff – his cars, the boy-next-door image, a beautiful endowed package, or fancy dinners. But the rewards you will get from it are all worth it. Because this is when you finally know what you have is worth keeping.


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