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Do’s & dont’s for better sex using toys

If it works for you, that’s great, but talking things through before springing anything on (or into) your partner is more than just manners, it’s consent, and you’ll need it before you try anything new, no matter how much you just know they’re “…going to love it.”

New to the world of sex toys? Perhaps you’ve played solo for years and have finally found or have decided to share the joy with your partner. Either way, there’s some crucial data to take on board when sharing the buzz or maybe the harness with your bedfellows. 

Always ask

Seems straightforward, even mandatory for most of us, but even in the heat of the moment (which might just be your own), consider your partner’s feelings and wishes above all else. If it works for you, that’s great, but talking things through before springing anything on (or into) your partner is more than just manners, it’s consent, and you’ll need it before you try anything new, no matter how much you just know they’re “…going to love it.”

Use lubricant

At the risk of sounding naive, it’s astonishing how many toy owners complain, and then wonder why/how their partner can’t be into it, when they thrust the dry probe or over-sized phallus into what’s usually their partner’s hottest pleasure center. Whatever the toy, if it has any part that sits close to, or penetrates, even a fraction of an inch, use a high quality water-based lubricant, and check before using other kinds, they might just damage/degrade materials like silicone and some newer polymers. It’s easy enough to forget, so make sure you have a steady and ready supply, which leads us to the next point:

Be prepared

If you have a first time toy experience or even a regular date night buzz planned with your partner, plan for it. Make it special, romantic or as fun and crazy as you guys enjoy whatever it is you do, but be prepared. Have plenty of lube, towels and wipes, toy cleaner and condoms; everything that you wouldn’t want to have missing in the heat of the moment. Many a romantic interlude or passionate embrace has been interrupted or ruined with the fateful words like, “You did bring a rubber, right?” or “Hand me some lube, honey.”

Being prepared incorporates personal and physical hygiene, so…

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Be sure and get clean before you get down and dirty

This is especially the case for anyone using anal toys, plugs, vibrators, or pumps. Anything that’s going anywhere near your tushie needs to be clean itself, and you want your rear end to be so clean you could… well, clean enough to do whatever you’re going to do ‘back there.’

Anal douching, even enemas are the unadvertised necessity when it comes to anal play, and it isn’t always spelled out for you on the box. If you or your partner are new to or want to explore anal play, start by exploring the fascinating (and sexy for some) world of cleaning yourself before anal sex.

It’s the same for any kind of sex; for any gender. If you’re sharing yourself (and your toys), you need to make sure both they and their intended users are clean. Guys, it’s your responsibility to clean your manhood as much as it is for any partner to make themselves fresh and appealing for you too.

It’s the same as body parts, never share toys between partners without sterilizing, and be mindful too, because some materials are porous and need a condom fitted to avoid risk of infection/cross-contamination.

Keep it fun and light-hearted

If either partner is new to toys, keep it fun and don’t bring out the biggest, most intimidating toy in the box. Start slow and explore boundaries. They’re there for a reason, and not all partner’s boundaries or preferences/choices need to be overcome. Always only do what feels right for both of you.

Time and place

If you’re staying over or having a partner stay, consider the toy/s you have in mind. Some people lose control when they have a buzz-induced orgasm, real screamers. Also, consider the type/style and volume/requirements of your toys. Do they make a lot of noise? And if they do, is it appropriate to use them on the day/night. Do they need batteries or power? Refer back to being prepared, but consider how practical and fun what you want to use really is, and you may do this by considering all factors of the intended experience.

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Despite what some people think, or the online descriptions suggest, it is not always fine to take your dildo or vibrator to work. It can be fun, but it could also be super awkward for your coworkers or boss if you’re found doing something you shouldn’t be at work. Keep work and play separate. Use your own discernment and common sense as a necessity.

Pleasure your partner first

Unless you have a standing order, if you’re the more experienced toy user, or if the toy is specific to your partner’s needs, focus attention on them first. Making it all about your partner is a secret to most problems that arise from the bedroom in relationships. If you make it about them, your own sense of fulfillment is greatly enhanced, and for guys, it’s a sure way to last longer overall, as well as being what he/she really wants… someone who thinks about them instead of themselves all of the time.

Make it personal

Familiar users of toys can personalize their experience. Gifting your partner a toy which suits their personality, preferred position or style of pleasure, even if it’s just their favorite color, is a truly great way to customize the toy-based experience.

Don’t depend on toys every time you have sex/climax

It maybe blasphemy for some, but use toys as they are intended, and add accessories to heighten and enhance the natural and intimate sensuality of partnered/solo sexual encounters. Sometimes training your body to climax to artificial stimulation might make the natural response more difficult over time. 

Enjoy toys, by all means, and delight in the intensity of their power, feel and sensations that you can share and enjoy with or without your partner, but keep it real. Like anything fun, if it becomes an obsession, or is keeping you from performing in your non-toy life, it could become a problem rather than a pleasure. Use your own discernment here.

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