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Drug is the lure to get together; suffering is the consequence to be faced alone

Common particularly in the gay and bisexual community, partee-ing (or using drugs to engage in sex) is a group activity – i.e. drugs are shared. But the lifelong implications (e.g. damage to the body, job loss, ruined relationships, etc) are faced individually, with partee-mates not even caring post-partee.

Photo by Tazz Vaughn from

And so Tar, my long-term partner, “slipped” again. He hasn’t used for months, actually. And then a few days ago, as he was about to head home to grab some sleep after covering the night shift, he received a message from a drug-using Instagram contact (let’s call him Benedict). The invite contained the usual words: up for fun, got supplies, unli fun/unli sex, fly time, and so on. And so… yeah, Tar went to Benedict’s place, and ended up staying there for five days.

While partee-ing, Tar was hard to contact. His Mom, worried where her son could be, tried calling him… repeatedly. The phone was turned off, she said. So she then tried sending messages – in Messenger, in IG, and so on. All remained unseen.

She asked me if Tar was with me; she was worried sick to her stomach. I had to say, “No” since he really wasn’t. But that I’ll try to contact him… repeatedly. I’d inform her if he responded at all.

Tar actually sent a message on the third day of his partee-ing; he said he’d be heading home already. But for meth-heads, such words are cheap (and for those in relationship with someone who uses drugs, remember this). He said “sorry”, too. But then before the apology can be processed, the silence returned/ensued; as usual (and for sure), his partee-mates may have interrupted his sending of updates so they could continue to enjoy abusing his body at that time.

Photo by Tazz Vaughn from

That there are people worrying about them while they use may escape users, but this is just one of the consequences of the using.

Because yes, there are many others.

Like the need to pay for ailments caused by the drug use – e.g. Tar was hospitalized twice already after his partee-mates abused his body (and some, allegedly, even had the guts to video the abuse).

Like the need to spend a LOT to re-energize themselves after days of abusing their body – e.g. buying vitamins, IV drips for those with budget, eating specific (and often costly) foods, ad so on.

Like (possibly) losing their jobs because they skipped work for days (in his case, five days this time around).

Like making others lie to cover up the drug use – e.g. getting medical certificates to justify not reporting to work, claiming illness when, really, they were just group-fucking while high on drugs.

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And so on…

These consequences are faced by the users sans the “help” of those who helped cause them.

And so Benedict (and people like him) keeps luring the gullible and/or willing. The drugs are free, anyway; so long as the invitee fucks him endlessly for days. But beyond that, it’s “to each his own”. And in the end, it really seems like “I’ve used and abused you already, die if you have to, fuck if I care.”

I sigh… and think: If only more see this for what it really is…

Written By

Frolic Lopez - a pen name, quite apparently - used to be (predominantly) sapiosexual (that is, he used to predominantly find intelligence sexually attractive/arousing). But then... life happened, and he discovered that he should be more 'trysexual', more open to possibilities to experience everything life can offer. He now writes - and shares - about everything life throws his way.


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