This is part of #KaraniwangLGBTQIA, which Outrage Magazine officially launched on July 26, 2015 to offer vignettes of LGBT people/living, particularly in the Philippines, to give so-called “everyday people” – in this case, the common LGBTQIA people – that chance to share their stories.
As Outrage Magazine editor Michael David C. Tan says: “All our stories are valid – not just the stories of the ‘big shots’. And it’s high time we start telling all our stories.”
In high school, Vanessa noted that while her peers already started menstruating, she still didn’t. “Yun talaga ang pinakaunang kong napansin (That was the first thing I noticed),” she said. “Akala ko late bloomer lang. Nag-antay pa ako nun eh (I thought I was just a late bloomer. I waited then).”
Sadly, though, “nung hindi ako nagka-mens, na-bully ako. Sinabihan ako na, ‘Ay hindi ka na magkaka-anak kasi may sakit ka.’ Bumaba ang confidence ko sa self ko. Andoon din yung pressure kasi healthy sila, normal sila, tapos ikaw hindi (when I didn’t menstruate, I was bullied. I was told, ‘You won’t have kids because you’re sick.’ My confidence level lowered. The pressure was there, too, because they’re ‘healthy’ and ‘normal’ and I am not).”
DISCOVERING BEING INTERSEX
In 2020, Vanessa had herself checked in Antipolo. There, she remembered being told to get an ultrasound because – as a woman who did not menstruate – it was automatically and insensitively assumed she’s pregnant. Instead, they found she had Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome (MRKH).
Simplistically – yet not comprehensively – it was explained to her that “may issue sa uterus ko. Sabi niya okay naman yung ovaries ko. ‘Yun lang doon lang talaga nagkakaproblema sa uterus mo kasi maliit’ (there’s an issue with my uterus. My ovaries are fine, she said. ‘But we’d have problems because your uterus is too small’).”
Vanessa was simply told to take contraceptive pills to regulate her hormonal imbalance.
Knowing did not appease Vanessa, mainly because none extensively explained to her her condition. “Lalo na sa akin, pumasok agad sa isip nila na, buntis. Wala pa naman ako experience sa sex. Hindi sila sensitive dito (Particularly for me, they immediately assumed I’m pregnant. I didn’t even have sexual experience then. But they weren’t sensitive to this).”
And so Vanessa turned to Google. And then YouTube… which was where she came across an episode of “Kapuso mo, Jessica Soho”, which dramatized the life of one intersex person who had the same case as Vanessa.
LIVING AS INTERSEX
To be blunt, as she was assigned female at birth, the idea that she may be intersex initially didn’t enter Vanessa’s mind. “Kasi nga ang iniisip kung intersex, yung dalawa ang kasarian (Because when you think of intersex, you think it’s those people with male and female genitalia).”
But that KMJS episode that was posted in YouTube allowed her to get connected to Intersex Philippines, Inc. That was where she was able to ask if “intersex din ba yung case ko; sabi, oo, intersex din. Kaya doon ko lang na-sure na kasama din ako (my condition is also intersex; I was told yes. That’s when I became sure I’m part of the intersex community).”
DEALING WITH SOCIAL PRESSURES
Nowadays, Vanessa said social pressures still exist. She had been repeatedly told, for example, that “hindi ka magka-anak kaya kawawa ka kasi pagtanda mo wala mag-aalaga sa iyo (you won’t bear children so it’s sad when you grow old because no one will look after you).”
And so she wants others to “palawakin ang kaalaman (broaden your knowledge).”
This is particularly important since “hindi sapat ang support for intersex people (support for intersex people isn’t enough).”
And so knowing other intersex people helps, said Vanessa. “Iba-iba man variations namin, pero doon kami nagkakaisa. Hindi ko naramdaman ang paghuhusga, hindi ko naramdaman na nag-iisa ako (We may have different intersex variations, but we unite for being intersex. I don’t feel judged, I don’t feel alone).” – WITH ARTHUR ABAD NWABIA
THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE APPEARED IN “I EXISTS”, A COFFEE TABLE BOOK PRODUCED IN 2023 BY INTERSEX PHILIPPINES, INC. (IXPI) TO HIGHLIGHT THAT THE ‘I’ IN THE LGBTQIA ACRONYM EXISTS, AND THAT MANY OF THEIR ISSUES CONTINUE TO BE NEGLECTED EVEN BY THE LGBTQIA COMMUNITY.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ON IXPI, OR OF “I EXISTS”, CONTACT IXPI, THE PIONEERING ORGANIZATION FOR INTERSEX PEOPLE IN THE PHILIPPINES.
