KinkMaster is hard-pressed to specifically pinpoint when he started having kinky sex. “Even when I was a lot younger, like in my early 20s, I enjoyed rough sex. I have always been on the lookout for the extraordinary in sex,” he said.
It was this “looking out” that led to our conversing – we were both in GayRomeo.com, with me researching for a story to develop, and him in search for a “kink partner”. Sans “I’ll think about it”, he willingly gave the interview, even elaborating his answers through email (often a no-no in online picking up, as it could possibly provide links to the “real” and not “virtual” personality). He added, too, that “a face to face (interview) is also ok with me – as long as you don’t use my name or pictures (even those that I use online) and my nic on PR (PlanetRomeo.com)”.
Although in the 1990s, he spoke and even met guys who were into kink on mIRC, “you can say that I really got into it and actively sought it out when I found a site online four years ago that was devoted to kink,” KinkMaster said.
He hasn’t looked back since.
KinkMaster claimed not understanding “kinkier sex.” “For me, kink is kink. It is just a matter of preference,” he said. “I am into assplay, particularly fisting. Soft S and M (sadomasochism). Tit play. CBT (cock and ball torture). Golden showers.”
Asked if there are emotions/feelings/gratifications satisfied by this that other activities are not able to provide, he was vehement. “Yes,” he said, then citing as an example “fisting”. “The pleasures of fisting is so different from an ordinary fuck. It becomes very intense.” Also – this time referring to BDSM (bondage, dominance and submission, sadomasochism) – “there is emotional connection that one gets, especially when one is into BDSM. It (deals with that) question of trust.” When asked, what opened his eyes to these kinks, he told us: “Back in early 2000s, sexy magazines were a thing since internet was not that popular yet. I saw a Lustplugs ad, and there I was introduced to different sex kinks and paraphernalia.”
While he craves to have kinky sex “as often as I can get it,” he laughed, KinkMaster is nonetheless aware of the difficulty of finding partners who are also into kinky sex. “Yes, it is very difficult to find partners for kink. Very few Filipinos are into it or even understand it. On PlanetRomeo.com, for example, you will read in a lot of profiles that they are active/passive in fisting. But when you ask them if they really are, they are clueless as to what it is,” he noted. But “you do get to find others who are curious. They want to experiment.”
Summing up this line of the conversation, KinkMaster said: “Some are turned on by it, but most are not.”
And much of the “turned on” versus “turned off” discussion will have to do with concepts of kink.
DIFFERENT WAYS OF SEEING
When used related to human sexuality, kink refers to the playful usage of sexual concepts in – shall we say – non-traditional/non-conventional ways. It can range from simply being playful (tickling, anyone?) to the paraphilic (term coined by Wilhelm Stekel in the 1920s, and popularized by sexologist John Money to refer to “unusual sexual interests”).
Exactly because of the non-conventional nature of kink, it has – for a long, long time – been frowned upon. For instance, that Western-influenced/dictated book that supposedly identifies what is “normal” versus “abnormal” among human behaviors – the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) – considered many of the kinky acts as forms of “sexual deviation” (particularly DSM-I and DSM-II). By 1981, when the term “paraphilia” was (by then) introduced, an article in the American Journal of Psychiatry included among “recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors” such acts as: those done with non-human objects (think toys), the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one’s partner (such as BDSM), those involving children, and those involving non-consenting persons.
By the fourth incarnation of the DSM (DSM-IV), paraphilias were still largely considered “deviant”, though a criterion was mentioned, which highlights paraphilias as possibly problematic if these “cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning”.
There are eight specific “disorders” mentioned here: exhibitionism (that urge to expose oneself, or to perform sexual acts while being watched by others), fetishism (the use of inanimate objects to gain sexual excitement), frotteurism (urges of behavior of touching or rubbing against a non-consenting person), pedophilia (sexual attraction to prepubescent children), sexual masochism (read: BDSM), sexual sadism (Read: BDSM), and transvestic fetishism (arousal from wearing clothing associated with members of the opposite sex).
And as if to be safe (in including behaviors that may be frowned upon), a ninth residual category was made available: “paraphilia not otherwise specified”. This category includes: telephone scatalogia (obscene phone calls), necrophilia (corpses), partialism (exclusive focus on one part of the body), zoophilia (animals), coprophilia (feces), klismaphilia (enemas), urophilia (urine), and emetophilia (vomit).
Perspectives may be said to be changing, nonetheless. The focus is (now largely) on whether the kink “causes distress or impairment to the individual or harm to others”, because if not, then it isn’t necessarily a “disorder” that would need “intervention”.
Also, the view of kink as a disorder is not universal. This is particularly as more push for the recognition of sexual diversity (that not everyone is into missionary sex solely for reproduction purposes).
As KinkMaster stresses: “If it’s what gets you off, AND it doesn’t hurt anyone (even yourself), what’s the big fuss about?”
ALL ABOUT CHOICE
No matter others’ ways of seeing kink, particularly in a “conservative” country like the Philippines, KinkMaster said his attitude is “deadma… to each his own.”
He has, nonetheless, set “limits” in the practice of everything kinky (“What lines I won’t cross while having kinky sex”). “I am not into scat (shit play), anything that involves blood and permanent injuries, bestiality, and children,” he said.
Interestingly, some of life’s lessons can be learned from kink, said KinkMaster. In his case, these include: respect (“You respect each other’s limits – in BDSM, you have safe words or actions that mean that the master should stop, and these should be respected”); control (“Since most of the time, I tend to teach others about kink for those who are curious, I usually stop a session when the ‘student’ is not responsive, does not have any control, or is just plain stupid”); and nurtured imagination (“It also takes a little intelligence and imagination to engage in kink; especially in BDSM, you have to be creative”).
KinkMaster said that “we (those who openly admit to being into kink) may not be that many yet in the Philippines, but – yes- we exist.” he has, in fact, “numerous friends also into what I am into”.
And while looking for partners is still a challenge, KinkMaster said he know self-control. “You just have to be patient in looking for those with the interest,” he said. Because when he does find the right partners, “the letting go is worth it.”
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Weiderman, M. (2003). Paraphilia and Fetishism. The Family Journal, 11 (3): 315–321.