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How to speak with your partner about your sexual fantasies

The strangest thing is that, in most cases, two people who feel absolutely free to take off their clothes in front of each other are afraid to talk about their feelings and fantasies.

At the moments when love and desire mix into one boiling substance, we rarely feel uncomfortable to undress in front of our partners. We feel as if we were the closest people on earth. The strangest thing is that, in most cases, two people who feel absolutely free to take off their clothes in front of each other are afraid to talk about their feelings and fantasies.

What is the reason for this? Why is it much easier to denude one’s body but not the soul? There might be many reasons that prevent us from speaking up about sexual fantasies with our partners. In this article, you will learn how to start doing it.

First and foremost, why?

Indeed, why should you talk about your fantasies? Many sexologists and psychologists (including father Freud, of course) say how important it is not only to talk but to make the fantasies real. Sex is a very important part of human life. But no partners are born 100% sexually compatible with each other.

Both of you build compatibility step-by-step. Talking is one of the most important building materials for it. Telepathy does not exist, and your partner will never guess what you want unless you tell them. Be honest about every fantasy you have. What do you want: to get some toys, to buy sex dolls, or maybe to try a new place? You are the only person who knows it. Talk about it.

Maybe if you start talking about your fantasies, the partner you have will feel that they can speak up to? Make sure you not only talk but also listen. And never judge.

With the topic of judging, we are moving forward to one of the reasons why most people are so afraid to tell about what they truly want in sex. For many years the society has told us how bad and shameful sexual relationships are. Then, while becoming adults, we started to think that the desires we have are also bad, and they should be kept uncovered.

If you really think so, you are mistaken. The fact that your friends or family members don’t talk about sex doesn’t mean that they don’t have it. Many people are doing things in bed that would seem unusual for you, but not so many of them talk about it in public.

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The fantasies you have are normal. Once you admit it, it will be much easier to share them with your partner. Also, you might have the thoughts that the person you love can judge you for what you want to do in bed. You might think that they will stop loving you after you share your secrets.

Most likely, they will only appreciate that you are opening up and telling them about the very intimate thoughts you have. It will also help your partner feel comfortable with sharing their fantasies. You’re not the only one who has them, right?

Once you learn to talk about what you want in sex, your relationships will be brought on a completely new level. It might take some time and even courage, but it’s worth your while.

Another very important step is to make the person you love to understand the fact that you want to try something more in sex doesn’t mean that you don’t like it the way you have. Make them be confident that your wishes for the experiments in bed don’t stem from the fact that you are bored with your sexual life.

If the person you love wants to try something new, don’t take it as an offense too. You should also understand that he or she having fantasies doesn’t mean that you don’t give them enough pleasure in bed. 

If, in the beginning, it’s challenging to start talking about new things you want to try in bed, there are still many ways to share your fantasies. For instance, you can play a couple of games such as writing the things you desire on the pieces of paper and then reading what your partner has written can be very interesting.

Also, there are many apps created for couples who want to open up for each other and talk about the most intimate thoughts they have. Indeed, sometimes you need someone or something to help you start talking about sex.

The most important and, probably, difficult is the beginning. Once you start talking about your sexual fantasies, it will become easier and easier to speak up. Both you and your partner should understand the importance of being honest about your desires and not keep them secret.

So, it always takes some courage to start talking about your sexual fantasies with a partner. What if he/she will not understand it? What if they will not like it? What if my fantasies are wrong and shameful? These thoughts probably come to anyone who has a dichotomy whether to share their intimate thoughts or not.

But telling the partner about what you want is very important for your happiness as a couple. Just remember to abandon the idea that you will be judged and never judge your beloved one, be willing to open up, and never assume that what if the person you love wants something new in bed is the sign that you don’t satisfy them anymore.

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Be honest with your partner and yourself. Don’t be afraid to talk about things you want in sex and make the person you love to feel comfortable while speaking up. Build compatibility by yourself, and don’t expect the miracle to happen.

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Your "not that regular" all-around gal, writing about anything, thus everything. "There's always more to discover... thus write about," she says in between - GASP! - puffs. And so that's what she does, exactly. Write, of course; not (just) puff.


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