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I Want to Buy Sex Toys for Personal Use but I’m Scared to Tell My Partner. What Should I Do?

In this article, we’re going to share some tips on how best to navigate this tricky topic of discussion. Do you keep it to yourself and do it anyway? Try to have an open and honest discussion? Or could it be that you two are no longer compatible?

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Exploring your own individual pleasure and adding sex toys to your personal repertoire can be an exciting and empowering experience. However, if you’re hesitant to tell your partner about your desire to incorporate sex toys into your solo play, it can sap a lot of the fun out of it.

Fortunately, in this article, we’re going to share some tips on how best to navigate this tricky topic of discussion. Do you keep it to yourself and do it anyway? Try to have an open and honest discussion? Or could it be that you two are no longer compatible?

Let’s find out!

Photo by Anna Shvets from

1 – Consider if They Need to Know

Start by thinking about whether or not your partner even needs to know? Besides, we all have our secrets right? And it’s not as though you are cheating on your partner by keeping a bullet vibrator in your purse, or a fleshlight in your sock drawer!

In any case, you need to think carefully about how they might react if they were to find out. If you are confident that they would see it as a form of betrayal, you may wish to save yourself the headache and consider the following point…

2 – Broaching the Subject with Honesty and Understanding

If you do decide that you’d feel more comfortable talking about this with your partner, then try to do so honestly and from a place of understanding.

Anticipate that your partner may feel sexually intimidated by the thought of you having a sex toy for personal use and reassure them that using sex toys does not diminish their role or pleasure in the relationship.

3 – Consider Your Partner’s Openness

Don’t forget that there’s a very good chance that your partner may be open to the idea! The fact that you are uncomfortable with broaching the subject could be a sign that you and your partner don’t communicate well with one another (which is something to work on), and that there could be a great deal that you don’t know about one another.

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Perhaps try to approach the conversation by expressing your desire to explore new sexual experiences together and emphasise that introducing sex toys can be a way to enhance intimacy and pleasure for both of you.

Don’t forget about the remote controlled vibrators! This could be an incredibly fun and exciting way for your partner to get involved in your personal pleasure.

Photo by Anna Shvets from

4 – Have Confidence in Your Desires

Don’t forget that your sexual desires are completely valid and deserve to be acknowledged.

You must have the confidence to express your needs and desires to your partner without fear of what might be. Remind them that they have no right to control or dictate your personal choices when it comes to your own pleasure – or any other aspect of your life for that matter.

If you do make an effort to broach the subject and you are met with shame, rejection, and ridicule, then the following tip may be the more viable response…

5 – Consider Compatibility

It’s important to consider the possibility that your desires for personal exploration may not align with your partner’s comfort levels or boundaries. If they flat out refuse and try to tell you that you cannot buy your own sex toys for personal use, then you may want to consider that you and your partner could be incompatible.

Photo by Anna Shvets from


Yes, it is important to consider your partner’s feelings in all of this and the fact that you are reading this article demonstrates that you care. However, if you are scared about how they might react because they have a tendency to react poorly and selfishly with regards to such subjects, then bin them off and find a real man who respects your sexuality and body autonomy.

Otherwise, if you are simply shy or worry that they may feel inadequate, take your time to approach the subject from a position of patience, openness, compassion, and empathy.

If they are the right person for you and truly care about your happiness, health, and sexual fulfilment; not only will they be more than happy for you to have your own sex toy for personal use, but they’ll likely want to invest in some for you both to share as well.

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Your "not that regular" all-around gal, writing about anything, thus everything. "There's always more to discover... thus write about," she says in between - GASP! - puffs. And so that's what she does, exactly. Write, of course; not (just) puff.


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