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‘Labanan ang hamon ng buhay’

Cassie Jannelle Madridazon Gallardo, from Tugatog, Malabon City, was 18 when she ran away from home. She believed then that she can face life’s challenges away from her family. Now 22 and self-identifying as bakla/gay even as she sees herself as babae/woman, she says to people who consider themselves ‘normal’, and yet mock LGBTQIA people, “perhaps you’d also have LGBTQIA children. And they, too, will experience the kind of discrimination you give.”

This is part of #KaraniwangLGBT, which Outrage Magazine officially launched on July 26, 2015 to offer vignettes of LGBT people/living, particularly in the Philippines, to give so-called “everyday people” – in this case, the common LGBT people – that chance to share their stories.
As Outrage Magazine editor Michael David C. Tan says: “All our stories are valid – not just the stories of the ‘big shots’. And it’s high time we start telling all our stories.”

There are people who will always hold back LGBTQIA people, said Cassie Jannelle Madridazon Gallardo, 22, from Tugatog, Malabon City. But these people should “know that we will keep fighting the challenges of life. We will do so no matter what they say, no matter how many times they mock us,” she said. This is because “I believe that people like us can confront what life throws at us.”

Cassie was 11 when she realized she’s different. At first, she identified as bakla/gay; though this was mostly because of the lack of word to use what she really felt even then.

“Even as a kid, I always wanted to be a girl; always thought I had the heart of a woman who loves only to get hurt,” Cassie said. “I saw myself as someone ridiculed by others but who fights back… Even if I don’t represent the ideal woman, in my heart, I am a woman.”

“People like you who consider yourselves ‘normal’, but who do not respect people like us, perhaps one day, you’d also have LGBTQIA children. And they, too, will experience the kind of discrimination you give.”

Cassie was 18 when she ran away from home and started living with, among others, her employers, friends and even strangers.

But – to emphasize – Cassie’s decision to leave home was not because she experienced hardships there. Even at a young age, her mother was always supportive of her; and her siblings never gave her a hard time.

But “I said to myself then that I can face the challenges of life without depending on my parents,” she said.

It was while living away from home when she started living as a woman.

“The first name I gave myself was Scarlett. I patterned this after a gay mentor from overseas. The second name I gave myself was Cassie. The name given me at birth was Ronald; but nowadays, I identify with the name Cassie Jannelle Madridazon Gallardo.”

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With a smile, though, she said with emphasis: “You may call me Bibe.” This, she said, was the gender-neutral name always used to refer to her, even when she was still a kid.

Cassie now works as a nanny. “I earn P3,000 in a month. I earn P1,500 every 15 days. This is okay for me. It pays for my needs,” she said.

Cassie still has lofty dreams, though. “I dream to become a dance choreographer, working in another country,” she said, adding that “I’m a good dancer” so “my dream is to use my talent.”

It is often when dancing that Cassie said she finds that “fire” in her.

“When it comes to dancing, expect me to be competitive,” she beamed. “Even if there’s a showdown, I don’t back out. With twerking, tumbling, vertical dancing – I won’t let others beat me. Competing when dancing, that’s what I want. You can’t beat me there!”

“I dream to become a dance choreographer, working in another country,” she said, adding that “I’m a good dancer” so “my dream is to use my talent.”

Though she mainly lives away from her family, she is okay with the other members of her family.

“I am the youngest in the family. The goddess (of the family). I flirt a lot. The one with lots of boys. I’m the one who teases others a lot. I’m the one who’s always lewd. But this lewdness always makes people laugh. The way I present myself can make people crazy; but that’s just the way that I am,” Cassie said.

Cassie recalled how her siblings used to tell her: ‘You’re already gay; don’t do anything that will (further) ruin your being.’” Instead, they said to me, do what’s right.”

And this, said Cassie, is a guiding principle for her.

“I experienced discrimination when I was younger; but I just ignored the haters. With my relatives, though, I know they are proud of me. They know I am a good person. I do not hurt/step on other people,” she said.

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Cassie was once hurt by loving; during her elementary days. That was when she told herself that “no one will get serious with me. So I’ll just flirt. My heart is now like a rock. I force myself to flirt with guys, but I never fell in love ever again. If you fall in love, don’t give everything. Leave something for yourself.”

Cassie sees herself as a fighter. “It isn’t difficult (to be LGBTQIA) because I face the challenges of life,” she said.

But she also recognizes that not everyone is like her.

This is why, for younger LGBTQIA people, she said: “Study hard. As long as your parents are there, as long as your siblings are there, study hard. Don’t end up like some of us who get discriminated. Hopefully, with the next generation, the lives of members of the LGBTQIA community (and trans, in particular) will be better.”

Cassie also thinks that “other people should not judge easily particularly people like us. (Like others, we) just love. And yet we are ridiculed. People shouldn’t be like that. People should treat others as equals.”

“I experienced discrimination when I was younger; but I just ignored the haters. With my relatives, though, I know they are proud of me. They know I am a good person. I do not hurt/step on other people,” she said.

To people who keep holding LGBTQIA people back, “who keep belittling us, know that we will keep fighting the challenges of life. We will do so no matter what you say, no matter how many times you mock us. I believe that people like us can confront what life throws at us.

“But you, people like you who consider yourselves ‘normal’, but who do not respect people like us, perhaps one day, you’d also have LGBTQIA children. And they, too, will experience the kind of discrimination you give.”

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