By The Chronicles of E
E is a 25-year-old self-described “undergrad and an ex-junkie.” “ Oh yeah,” he adds, “I’m also HIV positive. Currently self-rehabilitating and facing demons from my past, plus living my life one day at a time.” He’s a blogger (“I blog because I have plenty of baggage to unload. Mostly because I’m full of shit,” he says), and he writes for Outrage Magazine because “not all homosexuals are pink. I represent another side of the gay rainbow flag – the color black.”
More of his work is available at http://the-chronicles-of-e.blogspot.com/ (and soon, at positivism.com).
Reach him at echronicles@gmail.com.
What will you do if your date or your lover suddenly tells you that he or she is HIV positive? Would you hold their hand and tell them that it’s ok? Or would you cry and walk away?
Now reverse the situation. What if you’re HIV positive and you have been dating this person for a long time, when would be the perfect time to break the news about your status? Is there such a thing as a perfect timing? What if you are already in a relationship and then you tested positive, how or will you break the news to your partner?
These are the questions that have been eating all posies.
And these are why many people living with HIV are single and/or do not consider forming relationships with HIV negative folks.
Six months ago, if a guy I was dating told me that he is HIV positive, I would have run to the nearest exit. It’s the fear of getting infected that would scare me… It’s also the fear of getting close to someone who is dying. Funny that now that I have the virus, I can’t help but ask the same questions. No, I’m not looking for a partner – as of now, I don’t think I’m ready to settle down just yet.
I asked random chat mates and pos friends the same questions and, sad to say, most of the HIV negatives are not willing to take an HIV person as a partner; and with regards to the HIV peeps, they are not sure when would be the perfect timing to disclose the information to their date. When I asked the non-HIV peeps why they are not considering people living with HIV for a partner, the common answer is that they do not want to be infected with HIV. When I asked “what do you know about HIV?” all they can say is that HIV is AIDS; and when I asked what the difference is between HIV and AIDS, they stopped communicating with me.
It is so sad that most non-HIV people would not consider a person living with HIV as a possible partner. I guess that is one of the reasons why people living with HIV are afraid to come out in the open. We are so scared that we are unlovable to the eyes of society. The truth is, we are like any other normal person – maybe even better!
Being in a relationship with another a person who has HIV is no different from having a relationship with a person who is not HIV positive. The only difference is that we always have to wear protection and that is not just to protect our partners from catching the virus, but also to protect ourselves from catching other diseases/virus from our partners. Other than that, we love, we care, and, now that we are HIV positive, we value all the small stuffs!
I wish that one day the Philippines will be aware of what HIV/AIDS is so the prejudice and stigma will end.
I wish that one day I can stop hiding from the HIV closet and find me a partner who would love because of who I am and accept me for what I have.
It’s a long way, but I’m making it my lifetime goal (for) this wish to soon turn into a reality. Baby steps, just baby steps, and soon love and HIV will not be so surprising (a combination) for others to hear.
