This is part of #KaraniwangLGBTQIA, which Outrage Magazine officially launched on July 26, 2015 to offer vignettes of LGBT people/living, particularly in the Philippines, to give so-called “everyday people” – in this case, the common LGBTQIA people – that chance to share their stories.
As Outrage Magazine editor Michael David C. Tan says: “All our stories are valid – not just the stories of the ‘big shots’. And it’s high time we start telling all our stories.”
Steffi, 25 from Panagdaet in Cebu, “just” started sex work a few years ago, when she was 21. “Tungod lang sa friends pud. Like, easy money kunuhay. Ila kong gisultian, ‘Just try.’ So gi-try na lang pud nako (It was also because of my friends. They said something like, this is easy money. They said to me, ‘Just try.’ So I did).”
Looking back, Steffi said she never had bad experiences while in the sex industry, even if “murag na-overwhelm ko at first (I felt overwhelmed in the beginning).” And yet she said that “ang lesson jud nako na puwede ra jud kaayo na dili mag-work ug ing-ana. Mu-kuwan ba… like… tinarong na lang na work kay ana imong buhaton nga naa pa ka madawat nga mga sakit (the lesson for me while doing this is to consider other line of work. You can… like… do traditional jobs because while doing this you can get diseases).”
And that – i.e. getting sick due to her work – is a constant fear for Steffi, even as it doesn’t entirely stop her from doing sex work. “Sa website mi mangita customer. Mao na, unya meet up, then sex. Scary siya uy. Like… bisan naay pay protection, makahadlok jud siya, kay ma-positive ta. We don’t know baya sa mga customers, asa sila gikan (We look for customers online. Then we meet them for sex. It’s scarey… even if you have protection because you can become HIV positive. We don’t really know the customers, where they’re from).”
All the same, Steffi’s “stuck” to this work… at least for now. “Naa may kita (I earn from this).”
PHOTOS USED FOR ILLUSTRATION PURPOSE ONLY; ALL IMAGES BY MAKSIM ISTOMIN FROM UNSPLASH.COM
FINDING ONESELF
Steffi self-identifies as a “ladyboy”, though – when asked to describe her lived experiences – she actually “lives as a transgender woman”. There are some confusions though – e.g. “wala pa koy opera (I have yet to undergo surgery)”, and so she thought this disqualified her from consider using the word “trans”.
All the same, “day care or kinder pa ko kanang kuwan na jud ko, kanang miyak na. Mga girly na kog lihok. Kay naa na ko sa mga pictures nako nga murag kuwan jud siya, soft (I was in day care or kindergarten and I was already effeminate. I moved like a girl. I have old photos where it was clear I was feminine).”
The second of five kids, “nadawat ra man nila. Wala man sad ko na-diretso pagpa-girly bitaw. Kanang na-stage-by-stage ko. Short hair ko. Never ko mag-wear ug girly outfits. So mag-sando lang ko, ana (they eventually accepted me. I didn’t directly transition into a woman. It was gradual. I had short hair. I didn’t wear women’s clothes. I used to wear sando, things like that).”
Since the transition was gradual, therefore, “mas nadawat (it was more accepted).”
What family members know, though, is limited to Steffi’s gender identity, and not her line of work; or at least she thinks so. “Wala gi-discuss (This isn’t discussed),” she said.
WHAT’S SAFER IN SEX?
Nowadays, to protect herself in her line of work, Steffi mainly uses condoms and lubricant. “Ang friends ang nagtudlo (My friends taught me),” she said, adding that these same friends also became her sources of safer sex tools, particularly when they make her accompany them when meeting clients.
Now, “every time nga mugawas ko, mu-condom jud. Safety jud siya. Kung naay customer nga ayaw ug condom, dili ko mudayon. Kay importante kaayo ang health (every time I go out, I use condom. Safety is priority. If a customer doesn’t want to use condom, I don’t proceed. Health is important).”
Alas, no, Steffi is not familiar with PrEP, which could cut the risk of HIV infection by 99%. This is mainly because in Cebu City, “wala may nanudlo namo (no one teaches about this).” So, she stressed, “siguro sa mga nag-work nga kabawo na jud ana, manudlo sila para ma-explain nilag maayo ba. Mapasabot nila (perhaps those working on fields touching on this, they should teach us to properly explain it to us. They can make us understand).”
PHOTOS USED FOR ILLUSTRATION PURPOSE ONLY; ALL IMAGES BY MAKSIM ISTOMIN FROM UNSPLASH.COM
LIFE LIVED IN FEAR… AND CONTINUITY
“Naa kaila namatay sa AIDS. Among hairstylist sauna. Sa pageants. Di siya dapat lalingan (I know someone who died from AIDS-related illness. Our former hairstylist. When we joined pageants. This isn’t something to ignore).”
For Steffi, “dili siya dapat i-pursue nga work. Kay murag paduwog gyud ta ma-ingun-ani. Bitaw, kung dili ta careful (this isn’t the type of work you pursue. Because we’d head that way, too. If we’re not careful).”
Steffi stresses that she’s always scared. And yet… this is what gives her a living, and so “padayon ra ta (we continue).” This is her “cautious way of looking at this line of work… that I plan to quit but not yet.”
