Carl* was 12 when he first gave a “show”. He was taking a bath in their backyard, he said, when he noted that the guys working in their neighbor’s house were watching him. “I didn’t know at first (that they were watching), but then they started laughing, so that’s how I found out that they were watching,” he said.
That experience was not at all pleasant for Carl. “At first, I felt ashamed, angry, and guilty,” he said. But then it opened a “door” for him, in a manner of speaking. He realized he did not mind at all being watched.
And just to be clear, Carl said, “no one influenced me to do it. But I find it more exciting, and safer than to have sex and put myself at risk.”
There were other experiences that highlighted to Carl this preference to be watched.
“There was one time when my best friend (who’s gay) came over to our house to ask me to go with him to this bar. I told him I would just take a quick shower. He was in my bedroom, and after I showered, I went back in with just a towel, but he didn’t leave. We continued talking, and then I decided to take the towel off to dry my hair and body. So there I was, completely naked in front of my best friend, and he didn’t try to hide that he was checking me out. That was the first and only time he ever saw (my manhood), while I never saw his. I was naked in front of him for about five minutes; and although I’m not sexually attracted to him, I still got so excited, and before he could see my hard-on, I got dressed hurriedly. We never spoke about that, but even now I would masturbate imagining what happened that day.”
So when Internet access became more pervasive, he started giving shows on social networking sites for men who have sex with men (MSM), such as the now-defunct Guys4Men.
And also “just for clarification, I’m not a flasher. I don’t flash in public. I just enjoy being naked with a clothed guy (or guys).” As such, only Carl does sexual acts/performances, while others just watch.
Carl’s preference is more popularly known as CMNM (for ‘clothed male/naked male’), a fetish about exhibitionism and voyeurism, wherein a subject likes to be naked in front of dressed men (or vice versa).
To better organize the “shows”, Carl has accounts in MSM social networking sites, specifically citing what he’s looking for – i.e. viewers. He said that, sadly, there aren’t many takers, with many unwilling to play the part of a viewer. “Most are really looking for a complete sexual experience,” he said.
To take this into consideration, Carl has made some “changes” in his “rules”. For instance, one time – and only recently – he masturbated in front of four guys. “I also allowed them to touch, suck and kiss me, as long as they kept their clothes on,” he said. For Carl, the worst is “if they join in, or take their clothes off too. It ruins the fantasy for me.”
That’s the “first rule: I like to be the only one exposed.”
Carl also prefers older guys. “No one younger than 25. I’m more attracted to older guys; a father/authority figure, something like that.”
Carl also does not mind having “regular sex”. Like others, “I have sex with someone I really like and am really attracted to,” he said.
If there’s one thing Carl fears as far as his CMNM fetish is concerned, it’s that “someone might videotape me while doing it and post it to social media.” So far, though, he’s been in control of his “shows”, so he is not that worried.
His “shows” are not always accepted the way he wants them to be accepted. For instance, one guy told him that “he would have dated me if he didn’t know that I am like that,” Carl said. But he just shrugs off such reactions.
“Like what I always say, its not for everyone. If they don’t appreciate it, that’s fine. There are voyeurs out there, and they are the ones I’m looking for. And some curious guys too. I don’t force my nudity on innocent and unsuspecting people,” Carl ended.
*NAME CHANGED AS REQUESTED BY THE INTERVIEWEE FOR HIS PRIVACY