This is part of #KaraniwangLGBTQIA, which Outrage Magazine officially launched on July 26, 2015 to offer vignettes of LGBT people/living, particularly in the Philippines, to give so-called “everyday people” – in this case, the common LGBTQIA people – that chance to share their stories.
As Outrage Magazine editor Michael David C. Tan says: “All our stories are valid – not just the stories of the ‘big shots’. And it’s high time we start telling all our stories.”
Jemar “Rima” Rulona – 34 from Balayan, Batangas – knew he’s gay even when he was young, i.e. in elementary school. At that time, “I knew I was effeminate. I wasn’t attracted to girls; instead, I liked my male classmates.”
Though assigned with the name Jemar at birth, eventually, people around him started referring to him as Rima, a name he copied after Rima Fakih, the Lebanese-American Miss USA 2010. It was a name he started using when he was working overseas, idolizing the former Miss Universe candidate; and “when I returned here, I’ve been using it.”
GROWING UP GAY
Growing up gay was both good and bad for Rima.
On one hand, it was good because his family was quite accepting of him. As the second of four kids, Rima’s mother was the first to be accepting. “She helped in making my father understand my situation. Eventually he accepted me, and became supportive of me.”
On the other hand, it was bad because as soon as he stepped out of their home, LGBTQIA-related hatred became more common/defined. “While walking, or even at school, I used to get bullied. But I survived these. From elementary to high school, nothing changed; people bullied me. At times people called me ‘Faggot!’, a plague. Being called a plague became normal for us. I make myself strong by thinking I’m not doing anything wrong, or hurting others. For me, you just hear them without listening to them.”
MAKING A LIVING
Rima finished high school before completing a vocational course on massage therapy. “I was able to use this when I worked overseas; it was aligned with my job.”
Rima worked overseas at 21, ending when he turned 30. Overseas, “they eventually accepted me for being gay; but it took years,” he recalled. “I was very discreet when I was working overseas. When dealing with people, I felt like I was acting. I hid what I am. Perhaps that’s why I was never discriminated against while working.”
In hindsight, “My situation was also hard. When I was in my room, I expressed my feelings. But outside, I pretended to be someone else. If I was fed up, I’d go to the toilet just to be expressive.”
And now, Rima runs his own salon in Balayan, Batangas. “I decided to open a salon because there aren’t many salons here. I said to myself: ‘Why not start a new journey here?’”
Rima added: “I earn okay; I – at least – am able to save. Perhaps not as much as what I’d earn overseas, but it’s enough for me to save, buy what I want, and support my father because I am now the breadwinner of the family, and I look after our father.”
CARING FOR OTHERS
“For me, becoming the breadwinner is fair. Based on my experience with my family, my father supported me when I was still young until I grew older, so it’s just fair that I now finance them. If I rely on my siblings, nothing will happen to my father. It’s only fair I look after him because I don’t have kids to look after. I don’t support anyone else, so supporting my father is my responsibility.”
Rima is single now because he is focusing on looking after his father.
Rima said that finding LGBTQIA relationships is easy in Batangas. “But relationships here are different. The truth is, if you don’t have money to support your partner, you won’t have a serious relationship. There may be others, but they’re rare. So for me, it’s better to just give the money to my family than to men.”
Rima acknowledges that this is unfair. “This is actually unfair; we’re all humans. It’s unfair for LGBTQIA people; that we have to pay, that we have to beg for love when it should be given freely.”
COMING TOGETHER
Rima believes that LGBTQIA organizations have value. “Because this way, we can implement programs only LGBTQIA people can do. This is why LGBTQIA people should unite, even in barangays.”
There are still many issues the LGBTQIA community should focus on, according to Rima.
For one, there’s HIV awareness, mainly because HIV still predominantly affects men who have sex with men (including gay and bisexual men) and transgender women, all members of the LGBTQIA community. Also, “we should also have SOGIESC orientation” because even within the LGBTQIA community, know-how about the LGBTQIA community is lacking. And thirdly, “we should have community service – e.g. for senior LGBTQIA people who no longer have families (I want attention to be given to them; we’d also reach that stage).”
WORDS OF WISDOM
“To younger LGBTQIA people, let me always remind you to study well. Fulfill your dreams. Don’t allow people to bully you, or discriminate against you. While young, learn to respect yourself before others,” Rima said.
He knows that not everyone is accepting of LGBTQIA people.
“For people in society who continue to belittle LGBTQIA people, I hope that before you judge us, before you criticize our personhood, I hope you also see the errors of your ways. Did you see us do bad things, or harm people? We may be LGBTQIA people, but we’re all normal, living on Earth.”
And to parents who still have a hard time accepting their LGBTQIA kids, Rima said: “To mothers and fathers who can’t accept their gay child, hopefully you’d eventually learn to love and accept them. At the end of the day – based on what happened to me – no one will look after you but your kids. LGBTQIA people have big hearts. We’re always ready to help. If we can help others, then we can help our parents.”
