So someone looked your way, now how do you know when to approach, how to start a conversation, et cetera – or, for that matter, if you should approach at all? And if you liked someone, but want to be approached, instead of doing the approaching yourself, what signals should you be sending?
Having been both an approachee (the one who waits, the big pa-girl) and an approacher (the risk-taker, the daredevil), here are some of the finer points I have noticed – thereby sorted as semi-rules to follow when you have decided what you want to be.
- Rule 1: Smile. Just because someone looked your way doesn’t necessarily mean you are liked by that person (maybe you still have pesto stuck between your teeth). To test the water, so to speak, smile. If you get a smile back, that still wouldn’t mean he likes you. So smile more – and wider this time. If his smile widens, too, then there may just be something there.
- Rule 2: Don’t stare. Only ugly people stare. That’s not a joke, but a statement of a fact. Beautiful people (why they’re the “approachees”) give furtive glances, no more. It teases the approacher, and, at the same time, provides the approachee with ample time to look if the tentative smiles are returned, so the next steps can be taken.
- Rule 3: Wink. Another way to test the water, albeit more blatant. This is somewhat optional, however, since not that many can wink sexily.
- Rule 4: Nod gently. If somewhat sure the target is returning the flirting, nod gently – this should encourage them to approach you.
- Rule 5: Shake head while smiling. Sometimes the target thinks highly of himself because he was being flirted with, in the first place, so he immediately pretends to be disinterested (it thus becomes a battle of wills on who will stay as the approachee). When this happens, make sure to catch his attention again, and then smile at him (as naughtily as possible) while slightly shaking the head. Then give a somewhat longer-lasting look (still not a stare!).
- Rule 6: Feign disinterest. Talk to your friends while occasionally looking his way. When you catch him looking back, forget the nice smile this time – give a flat smile, instead, coupled with a slight nod, before looking away to continue conversing with your friends. This is to tell him you have other people in your circle (he isn’t the only one in the party).
- Rule 7: Accept the truth. After Rule 6, try Rule 1 (only Rule 1) again. If he still doesn’t take any steps, then he may not really be interested in you in the first place – or is still feeling too beautiful for you, so is expecting for you to make the initial moves. If you don’t think he is worth it, move on.
- Rule 1: Smile. While looking around, smile – or at least look interested and interesting to what is happening around you. This way, you check what’s in the market, while, I bet, getting checked, too.
- Rule 2: Wait for a reaction. In the interest of self-preservation, approach only those who may return whatever it is you are giving out (unless you are used to getting dumped), so wait for some signs, e.g. smiles, nods of acknowledgment, et cetera.
- Rule 3: Always approach with caution. Even when you think you got the right signals, the approachee may just be playing with you, so approach with care (e.g. pretend to be just buying a drink at the bar, so you are just passing his way; or pretend to bump against him while dancing), and wait for even more signals (e.g. more glances, wider smiles, greetings, et cetera).
- Rule 4: Have self-respect. If, at any point while talking to the other guy, you sense you are not really liked, the truth is you are not really liked. So just come up with some lame excuse (e.g. say “My fuck buddy’s just arrived” while nodding towards a drop dead gorgeous guy you will never, ever even be able to touch) and leave with whatever shred of dignity you can still hold on to.
- Rule 5: Learn the art of dumping. Just because you are the one who approaches doesn’t mean you always have to be the one to be rejected. If, for any reason, you don’t find the target that nice up close, dump him – there are more to approach.
Come to think of it, why not just approach (for both approachees and approachers)? After all, paraphrasing a famous quote (of someone un-famous), “It’s better to have approached and have been dumped, than never to have approached at all.” Besides, not every one of us can be the approachee!