Connect with us

Love Affairs

When love is gone…

Writing to Outrage Magazine, David from Scotland, who is almost 62, wishes to share his story; one where, in the end, he was left by the person he calls as the most important woman in his life. And now he wishes to find his way back into her heart.

Published

on

David from Scotland, who is almost 62, wishes to share a true story – his story; one where, in the end, he was left by the person he calls as the most important woman in his life.

In August 2012, David decided to try online dating.  He was reluctant at first, “but then, a miracle happened,” he recalled, when “an amazing younger woman responded.”

The younger woman is a transpinay.

As a straight man stepping into her world, “I accepted it, embraced it,” David said.  In fact, for three times last year, David traveled three times from Scotland to General Santos City. “I met her family, and was welcomed,” David recalled.

But when “she came here (to Scotland) for six months… I hid the truth from my family.”

David realized too late that “now after my lack of appreciating her and how precious she is and always will be, I lost my future with her.  Friends, I lost the most pure, honest love I will ever know.  My God, the pain is terrible knowing I can never hold her again. I worry each day since she said it was over…”

David feels remorse, and is ashamed.  “(I) regret never marrying her,” he said.

As he wrote to Outrage Magazine, David said that “all I can end is with this: she knows her pet name – Cupcake. I don’t want to embarrass her, but I know she no longer loves me. I will always be in love with the most incredible woman in the world. I wrote this for her, though it is not her name, anyway. She taught me humility above all else, and (how) to be strong, (to) survive. I pray for her, am deeply deeply in love with her though. Sorry it is more pain than I can bear, have ever known. How I wish I could get back home to her, and just hold her marry her and die in her arms…”

This, he said, “is my last chance in life for perfect happiness…”

Straight from the heart

I wish the days were ours again
And you loved me again my dear
But now the pain, is too great
And I cannot face life’s fears

I wish I had been a better man
Stronger just for you

But I failed you far too often
And know I will never again hold you

I wish you were here right now
I would hold you, never let you go

But you are free free at last Aimee
How I pray, you had never let me go

In all the days, in all my life
It is you and you alone
That saw the man deep within
But I cannot journey on alone

There is no final chance, as you said goodbye
On the phone today
May our Lord, walk with you, Mama, and family
Never turn from you each day

My love is yours, though I know
The love once mine is gone

I miss you more and more I will
Oh Hon. But one chance. To marry you
Alas is gone

“I love her – yes a transgender. Am proud to know her but lost her through stupidity,” David acknowledged. And just as he said “salamat for letting this fool share,” he is saddened that “I lost my life with her. Hon, can you forgive me? Will you marry me? If I came over as soon as possible?”

Love Affairs

Romantic partners influence each other’s goals

Over the long-term, what one partner in a two-person relationship wishes to avoid, so too does the other partner – and what one wants to achieve, so does the other. These effects can be observed regardless of gender, age and length of the relationship.

Published

on

Choose your partner wisely.

Over the long-term, what one partner in a two-person relationship wishes to avoid, so too does the other partner – and what one wants to achieve, so does the other. These effects can be observed regardless of gender, age and length of the relationship, as researchers from the University of Basel report in a study of more than 450 couples.

The research team from the University of Basel’s Faculty of Psychology wanted to examine the short- and long-term interdependence of approach goals and avoidance goals within couples. The participants reported whether they had tried to avoid conflicts or share meaningful experiences with their partner that day. This was followed by an analysis of how the information affected the goals of the partner.

When one person within a couple avoids distress and conflicts, for example, the other tries to do the same. And conversely, when one person seeks personal growth and meaningful experiences, the other wants to achieve them too.

The goals of each person were recorded daily over the course of two 14-day measurement periods at an interval of 10 to 12 months; 456 male-female couples took part. The average age of the participants was just under 34 years old, and the average relationship length was almost 10 years. The study appeared in The Journal of Gerontology.

The study showed that when one person within a couple avoids distress and conflicts, for example, the other tries to do the same. And conversely, when one person seeks personal growth and meaningful experiences, the other wants to achieve them too. The team of psychologists, led by first author Professor Jana Nikitin, found significant delayed effects between the partners. These appeared regardless of gender, age or relationship length.

It was notable that the daily goals of one partner – which can change – mainly coincided with the medium- and longer-term goal trends of the other partner. It therefore takes several days to months for the long-term relationship goals of one partner to have an impact on the goals of the other.

“This could be an adaptive mechanism to maintain the stability of the relationship,” says Nikitin, “by not being influenced by every momentary shift made by the partner.”

Continue Reading

Love Affairs

Are you still waiting for the one?

If you feel like your time has come and you’re desperate to meet someone new, we’re here to help. If you keep on reading we’ll give you some great tips on how you can meet the love of your life.

Published

on

It can feel so disheartening to know that you’re the only one without a stable relationship. Even if you aren’t the only one, the single life just isn’t for some people. You could spend your days scrolling through dating apps, perhaps even messaging girls through different social media apps, and you might not find the one for you.

But we will reassure you of this, there is someone out there for everyone. Just because you haven’t found your ‘one’ yet, it doesn’t meant they aren’t right around the corner waiting to meet you. It also might be the case that you’re too nervous to meet new people, or you find it hard to maintain conversation long enough to do so.

If you feel like your time has come and you’re desperate to meet someone new, we’re here to help. If you keep on reading we’ll give you some great tips on how you can meet the love of your life. 

Be Less Particular 

This is one of the things that gets in the way with people the most when searching for someone new. You have to be prepared to compromise and to think about the bigger picture that someone has to offer. If you’re basing your search largely around looks, you’re never going to win. The personality plays such a big part, as cliche as it might sound. You need to know that you’re going to be able to talk to someone for hours and hours on end into the night and have an incredible time.

You also need to make sure that their life matches up to one that you’re going to want to live. If they don’t have the same drive and ambition as you, it’s likely that the pairing isn’t going to work. You might also like to consider their social life and what they get up to, and if they have any hobbies. A key component to a strong working relationship is each having your own life to live.

Broaden Your Horizons

Sometimes it might be worth thinking about where and how you’re looking. Some people spend their lives searching on dating apps, refreshing every day to see if someone new has come up. To really broaden your horizons, think about meeting somewhere everywhere that you go. You could meet them whilst eating lunch with a friend, or bump into them in the supermarket. You could meet the love of your life in another country, that happens so often. Dating someone that lives in another country is not difficult, nor is settling down. You can aquire a spouse visa application that makes it simple for them to be able to live with you.

There are tons of ways of getting around obstacles that means a relationship with someone outside of your town could easily work.

The Art Of Dating

Finally, you need to master the art of dating. The trick is to make sure you’re not being too overpowering, but also not too relaxed. You want to make sure that you’re complimenting, organizing dates, checking in on how they are, and generally being attentive and involved in all aspects of their life. The more interest you show, the more interested they’ll be.

Continue Reading

Love Affairs

Feeling frisky makes you see what you want to see

Sexual activation increased a participant’s romantic interest in the other participant, which, in turn, predicted perceiving the other as more interested in oneself. Having active sexual thoughts apparently arouses romantic interest in a prospective partner and encourages the adoption of an optimistic outlook on courting prospects with a partner.

Published

on

There’s something to rose-tinted glasses after all.

A group of psychologists at the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya discovered that we see possible romantic partners as a lot more attractive if we have what the scientists call “a sexy mindset.” Under the same condition we also tend to overestimate our own chances of romantic success.

The researchers examined what would happen if a person’s sexual system is activated–think “feeling frisky”–by exposing test subjects to brief sexual cues that induced a “sexy mindset.” Such a mindset, the team found, reduced a person’s concerns about being rejected, while simultaneously inducing a sense of urgency to start a romantic relationship.

The US-Israeli team noticed that people often have overly optimistic views when it comes to a potential partner and their own chances of landing a date. Their latest research, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, sought to explain the biased perception. It’s precisely this bias, the team concluded, that may provide people with the necessary confidence to worry less about rejection and instead motivate them to take a leap of faith to pursue a desired romantic relationship without hesitation.

“If people anticipate that a partner shares their attraction, it is that much easier to initiate contact, because the fear of rejection is lessened,” said co-author Harry Reis, a professor of psychology and the Dean’s Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester.

“People are more likely to desire potential partners and to project their desires onto them when sexually aroused,” said lead author Gurit Birnbaum, a social psychologist and associate professor of psychology at the IDC. “Our findings suggest that the sexual system prepares the ground for forming relationships by biasing interpersonal perceptions in a way that motivates human beings to connect. Clearly the sexual system does so by inspiring interest in potential partners, which, in turn, biases the perceptions of a potential partner’s interest in oneself.”

Evolutionary principles at play

Having evolved over millennia, the sexual behavioral system of humans ensures reproduction and survival of the species by arousing sexual urges that motivate us to pursue mates. Success depends on targeting the right potential partners who are not only perceived as desirable but also as likely to reciprocate our advances. In previous studies the researchers found that people often refrain from courting desirable possible partners because they fear rejection.

“Forming stable sexual relationships had, and continues to have, a great deal of evolutionary significance,” said study Reis, also a professor of psychology and the Dean’s Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester. “If people anticipate that a partner shares their attraction, it is that much easier to initiate contact, because the fear of rejection is lessened.”

He added: “One of the main purposes of sexual attraction is to motivate people to initiate relationships with potentially valuable, and valued, partners.”

Testing the effects of a sexy mindset

Across three experiments the team discovered that sexual activation helps people initiate relationships by inducing them to project their own desires onto prospective partners. In other words–you see what you want to see if you’ve been sexually primed.

To test the effects of a sexy mindset, the team exposed participants across three separate studies either to sexual (but not pornographic) stimuli or to neutral stimuli. Next, the participants encountered a potential partner and rated this partner’s attractiveness and romantic interest in them. Participants’ interest in the partner was self-reported or evaluated by raters.

Sexual activation increased a participant’s romantic interest in the other participant, which, in turn, predicted perceiving the other as more interested in oneself.

In the first study, 112 heterosexual participants, aged 20 to 32, who were not in a romantic relationship, were randomly paired with an unacquainted participant of the other sex. First, participants introduced themselves to each other by talking about their hobbies, positive traits, and future career plans while being videotaped. Then the team coded the videotaped introductions for nonverbal expressions of so-called immediacy behavior–such as close physical proximity, frequent eye contact, and flashing smiles–that indicates interest in initiating romantic relationships. They discovered that those participants exposed to a sexual stimulus (versus those exposed to the neutral stimulus) exhibited more immediacy behaviors toward potential partners and perceived the partners as more attractive and interested in them.

For the second study, 150 heterosexual participants, aged 19 to 30, who were not in a romantic relationship, served as a control for the potential partner’s attractiveness and reactions. Here, all participants watched the same prerecorded video introduction of a potential partner of the other sex and then introduced themselves to the partner while being videotaped. The team coded the videotapes for attempts to induce a favorable impression. Just as in the first study, the researchers found that activation of the sexual system led participants to perceive potential partners as more attractive as well as more interested in a romantic relationship.

In the third study, the team investigated whether a participant’s romantic interest in the other participant might explain why sexual activation affects perceptions of others’ romantic interest in oneself. Here, 120 heterosexual participants, aged 21 to 31, who were not in a romantic relationship, interacted online with another participant, who in reality was an attractive opposite-sex member of the research team, in a get-to-know-each-other conversation. The participants rated their romantic interest in the other person as well as that person’s attractiveness and interest in them.

The researchers found again that sexual activation increased a participant’s romantic interest in the other participant, which, in turn, predicted perceiving the other as more interested in oneself. Having active sexual thoughts apparently arouses romantic interest in a prospective partner and encourages the adoption of an optimistic outlook on courting prospects with a partner, concluded the researchers.

“Sexual feelings do more than just motivate us to seek out partners. It also leads us to project our feelings onto the other person,” said Reis. “One important finding of the study is that the sexual feelings need not come from the other person; they can be aroused in any number of ways that have nothing to do with the other person.”

Yet, there’s also the obvious possible pitfall: when sexual feelings are present, people tend to assume that the other person shares their attraction, whether warranted or not, notes Reis. “Or you end up kissing a lot of frogs,” said Birnbaum, “because a sexy mood makes you mistake them for princes.”

Having active sexual thoughts apparently arouses romantic interest in a prospective partner and encourages the adoption of an optimistic outlook on courting prospects with a partner.

Birnbaum and Reis spent the last few decades studying the dynamics of human sexual attraction. In a 2019 study, the duo found that when people feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest, they will put more effort into seeing that person again. Furthermore, people will rate the possible date as more sexually attractive than they would if they were less certain about the prospective date’s romantic intentions.

Continue Reading

Love Affairs

New study explores if flirting is real and shows it can work

Although flirting is mentioned a lot in the general media, and examples are everywhere, there is relatively little scientific work on the topic of flirting, its underlying mechanisms and function.

Published

on

Photo by Dede Avez from Pexels.com

“She was totally flirting with you,” my friend told me after the hosts left our table.

“No, she wasn’t. She was just being polite,” said another friend.

Misunderstandings about flirting can potentially result in awkwardness or even accusations of sexual harassment. How can we figure out what other people mean when they smile at us? Is there a unique, identifiable facial expression representing flirting — and if there is, what does it convey, and how effective is it?

Although flirting is mentioned a lot in the general media, and examples are everywhere, there is relatively little scientific work on the topic of flirting, its underlying mechanisms and function.

Now, a new paper by researchers based at the University of Kansas has been published in the Journal of Sex Research examining if flirting has a particular facial cue effectively used by women to indicate interest in a man.

“There are very few scientific articles out there that have systematically studied this well-known phenomenon,” said Omri Gillath, professor of psychology at KU, who co-wrote the paper. “None of these studies have identified the flirting facial expression and tested its effects.”

Gillath’s collaborators were lead author Parnia Haj-Mohamadi, a doctoral student in psychology at KU, and Erika Rosenberg of the University of California-Davis.

The researchers found internal states — such as being romantically or sexually interested in someone — can be conveyed to others nonverbally through facial expression.

In other words — flirting works.

Some women are more effective than others in effectively conveying a flirtatious facial cue, while some men are better at recognizing this cue. Beyond these individual differences, a few expressions were identified by most (if not all) men as flirting.

“Across our six studies, we found most men were able to recognize a certain female facial expression as representing flirting,” Gillath said. “It has a unique morphology, and it’s different from expressions that have similar features — for example, smiling — but aren’t identified by men as flirting expression.”

In the studies, women — some professional actresses and some volunteers from the community — were asked either to spontaneously pose a flirting expression (similar to what they’d use at a bar to get attention from a potential mate) or to follow instructions based on existing anthropological literature for what researchers define as flirting.

The team found some women are more effective than others in effectively conveying a flirtatious facial cue, while some men are better at recognizing this cue. Beyond these individual differences, a few expressions were identified by most (if not all) men as flirting.

The researchers used the Facial Action Coding System (FACS) to classify the morphology of highly recognized flirtatious facial expressions. The coding showed the most effective flirting cues include a head turned to one side and tilted down slightly, a slight smile, and eyes turned forward toward the implied target.

After identifying these most recognized expressions of flirting, the researchers used them in experimental studies.

“Our findings support the role of flirtatious expression in communication and mating initiation,” Gillath said. “For the first time, not only were we able to isolate and identify the expressions that represent flirting, but we were also able to reveal their function — to activate associations related with relationships and sex.”

The new paper puts flirting in the same category as other well-studied emotions and provides researchers with tools to further study the functions of flirting. It can also give sometimes-clueless men, like the one in the example above, a more concrete way to figure out if a woman is truly flirting.

Continue Reading

Love Affairs

5 Top tips for a fantastic anniversary with your partner

From thinking of the small details to planning a grand gesture, here are some top tips to ensure that both you and your partner have an enjoyable anniversary that will rival your big day itself.

Published

on

Whether you love the thought of celebrating your anniversary or are dreading the attention, there are many ways that you can enjoy your special day and ensure that it is an unforgettable occasion. From thinking of the small details to planning a grand gesture, here are some top tips to ensure that both you and your partner have an enjoyable anniversary that will rival your big day itself. 

1. Get Your Loved One a Romantic Gift 

Gift-giving can be difficult at the best of times, especially if you feel that you are running out of unique presents to give your partner between birthdays and the holiday season. When you are planning your anniversary gift, it is the thought that counts rather than the price tag, and some of the best presents are those that can keep the romance going on your anniversary and beyond. For instance, Scent Magic offers a cologne subscription box that can make your partner feel loved every month of the year, and that can spruce up your date nights. You should also pair this gift with a beautiful card that contains a personal message affirming your love for them and your hopes for the future.

2. Choose a Romantic Anniversary Event 

Whether you are planning a big do or are simply trying to find a personal way to say, ‘thank you’, finding a celebration that is perfect for your relationship is important. One of the best ideas is returning to the place that you first met, trying something different, or traveling to a location, such as a restaurant or a bar, that you both loves. If you want to travel further afield to enjoy your anniversary away from the chaos of everyday life, why not plan to go on a vacation for your special occasion? Taking some time off work to spend together can help to cement your love and can allow you to remember what you originally saw in one another.

3. Celebrate with Family and Friends 

However, family and friends are an integral part of your relationship, and even the strongest couple will have needed their support throughout their partnership. Then, if possible, you should try to get your family and friends involved and show them that they are appreciated. You can do this by planning an anniversary party with an extensive guest list, or even just by hosting a meal at your favorite restaurant. 

4. Consider Staying In 

For all the fireworks and splashy, Instagram-worthy events that many couples decide upon, there is also something special about staying in for your anniversary and spending your day in absolute comfort. There is no reason why staying in cannot be perfect, though, and re-watching your wedding video or even cooking a candle-lit dinner can help to make the occasion stand out. 

5. Discuss the Occasion with Your Partner

Whatever you do, it is paramount that you can discuss the occasion with your partner. There is no point in simply planning something that you will enjoy or deciding to throw them a huge surprise if they are not likely to enjoy it. Then, you must sit down before your big day and discuss what you would both like to do for your anniversary until you reach a compromise that suits both of you.

Continue Reading

Lifestyle & Culture

How to choose a dating site that works for you

There are hundreds of sites to choose from and millions of people using them from all around the world. So, how do you choose the right dating site for you?

Published

on

Online dating can be a really easy and fun way to meet new singles and put yourself in with a chance of finding a great relationship. Today, online dating is one of the most popular ways to meet somebody new, and every year thousands of partners meet online. Whatever kind of relationship you’re looking for and no matter what stage you’re at in your life, online dating can be a great way to find what you want. However, online dating can also be quite overwhelming.

There are hundreds of sites to choose from and millions of people using them from all around the world. So, how do you choose the right dating site for you?

Be Clear on What You’re Looking For

Knowing what you’re looking for in a relationship before you get started will make it easier for you to find the right dating site for your needs. If you’re not sure what you want, this #1 trusted dating site in San Jose ticks all the boxes and offers a wide range of features to suit everybody. Whether you’re looking for a casual fling or want to eventually get married, find a site that caters to those needs and is likely to attract people who are looking for the same thing as you are. 

Consider Your Location

It’s a good idea to consider your area when choosing a dating site. The last thing that you want is to end up signing up to and potentially paying for a site that isn’t very popular with singles in your area. If you’re not sure then it’s a good idea to sign up to a site that’s popular in many different areas so that you can be sure you will meet local singles. You can sign up for Meetville here: https://meetville.com/catalog/us/ca/95631/woman

Check the Reputation

Don’t waste your money on a dating site that doesn’t have a good reputation. Before choosing the right site for you, take some time to research your options and find one that is well-known for bringing successful couples together. There are some other important considerations to make, too, such as the level of security on the site and how seriously any untoward messages or abuse towards members is taken. 

Try it Out

The good news is that many good dating sites and apps offer a free version or a limited free trial that you can take advantage of before you decide to commit to paying. Sign up for as many free trials as you can find so that you’ve got a good chance of finding a site or a couple of sites that work better for you than others. Remember, if you find a few different dating sites that you like there’s nothing wrong with using a few different once at the same time to get even more matches. 

The world of online dating can be a fun way to meet new people when you’re single and potentially find your perfect partner. Keep these tips in mind and find a dating site that works well for you. 

Continue Reading
Advertisement
Advertisement

LIKE US ON FACEBOOK

Most Popular