Connect with us

Hi, what are you looking for?


When with a partee-going lover, lying is par for the course

“Lying” and its various forms (e.g. delayed disclosure, lying by omission, selective truth-telling, and so on) is usual among partee goers. And this is done even to people who only hope they’re always okay.

Photo by Matheus Cardoso from

I know of Tar’s partee-going; he’s been – somewhat largely – “open” to me about it. It was, after all, straight from him that I knew of what he’s doing with whom, the things done on him (wanted or unwanted), and so on. I may worry (and make sure he’s okay), but I’ve never lambasted him; this is part of him, and keeping him in my life means living with this… until he, himself, decides he’s dumping it.

The thing, though, is the telling of these things done by or on him when partee-ing only happens AFTER the act, when the things are already done, and there’s nothing I can do to effect changes (e.g. I can no longer stop him from heading to an abusive partee-mate).

And this has been an issue for us; this “lying” and its various forms (e.g. delayed disclosure, lying by omission, selective truth-telling, and so on).

So much so that I have come to consider this as “fact” (at least somewhat) now – i.e. that partee-goers, solely because of what they do, are so used to covering up, they have “normalized” doing so (even if it means lying even to people they really shouldn’t lie to anymore).

I worry, of course.

  • Tar not telling me outright where he’s headed means that if something happens to him while he’s there, with his uncaring partee-mates, then I would not know where to find him to help him.
  • Tar not telling me who he’s really with means I have no way of checking that they don’t use/abuse him (as they have done in the past).
  • Tar not informing me of timelines leaves me unaware about the time he (over)spends with them – e.g. he already lost jobs in the past due to this.
  • And so on…

Alas, “fixing” (if it can be called that) this is easier said than done. Because the way I see it, drug addicts are so used to being derided/stopped/hindered/and so on, so that – as an act of self-preservation – they just “cover up”… everything. Even from people whose only intention is to care for them, to love them.

And so yeah… lying is part of being with/loving a partee-goer. Even if one could continue wishing this won’t be for life…

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.
Written By

Frolic Lopez - a pen name, quite apparently - used to be (predominantly) sapiosexual (that is, he used to predominantly find intelligence sexually attractive/arousing). But then... life happened, and he discovered that he should be more 'trysexual', more open to possibilities to experience everything life can offer. He now writes - and shares - about everything life throws his way.


Like Us On Facebook


Lifestyle & Culture

Balancing drug development challenges with regulatory compliance is a fine art, and the Tepezza case is an instructive case study.


Because they're "exclusive", partee groups can be gatherings of abusers. But one hopes that every member of such a group start thinking about their...

Health & Wellness

Women using drugs and alcohol can feel stigmatised and shamed when seeking support from professional services.

Health & Wellness

There is no “one size fits all” way to deal with addiction, with sexual and gender minority (SGM) people – as an example –...