Tar’s message was short: “Next week na ako bibisita (I’ll visit next week).”
He said he has “lakad” (i.e. that he’s headed somewhere).
He – or me – didn’t mention it; no need to, actually. But what was not stated was obvious. He was going to another partee n play, his somewhat regular use of drugs while engaging in (unprotected) sexual contact with (other) drug addicts.
Yeah, I’m getting used to it. So I know:
- He won’t be back until after two or more days.
- He won’t even be contactable; now and then he’d be “active” in Messenger, though he won’t respond to messages sent to him (as – more likely – he just goes online to get more stocks, or to invite more partee-going orgy-loving gay and/or bisexual men).
- When the partee session is done (again), he’d spend from two days to a week to recuperate.
So I’m at a point where I don’t feel jealous with his drug-addicted fuckmates; they’re a means to an end for Tar.
But I am jealous of time.
Of the time he willingly gives to the drug addicts, many of them only existing to abuse him/his body.
Of the time he basically wastes to be with people who do not give shit about him; they just want him to fuck them.
Of the time he ends up wasting to “get better” after wasting time making himself not better.
Of the time lost/not spent together because when he sets his schedules, his priorities continue to be partee-influenced.
And really, this is what I want, what I need: that he not deprive me of time for us to be together. When the dust settles (in a manner of speaking), I know I’d still be here (or where he wants me to be) for him; though this version of “me” is forever jealous of the time he chose to willingly give his abusers and not to one who will always think of what’s best for him. Oh yeah… this is all part of loving a partee-loving jowa.
