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10 Facebook boo-boos that explain why you’re still single

You’re not exactly ugly; you have a great job; you have a nice set of friends; you do not financially depend on others; you have a Siberian Husky shedding its fur in your living room; you can afford to pay for your annual #LaBoracay trips… But why, oh why, are you still single? My dear, your Facebook uploads may explain why.

Yes, we’ve repeatedly heard about the supposed narcissism of the younger generation. We can argue all we want about this, but… if so many of the status updates/uploads in Facebook are to be the basis for this argument, then those who would like to argue against this are sure to lose.

And now that I think of it, these status updates/uploads actually also explain so many of the worries that so many face.

Such as in looking for love.

You’re not exactly ugly; you have a great job; you have a nice set of friends; you do not financially depend on others; you have a Siberian Husky shedding its fur in your living room; you can afford to pay for your annual #LaBoracay trips… But why, oh why, are you still single?

And – based on those I’ve encountered thus far – here are Facebook boo-boos that may explain why you’re still single.

  1. TMI.
    Yes, that’s for “too much information”. And honestly, I don’t think anyone would fall (for real) with someone who posts JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING.
    So you farted after eating camote (sweet potato) that you bought from that lady who is wearing ukay-ukay because she lives poorly some two blocks away from the house of your best friend who picks her nose when she thinks no one is watching? So you ate pancit canton for breakfast? So you decided not to report to work, pretending you’re not feeling well? So you decided not to obey your parents’ orders of doing something, deciding – instead – to lock yourself in your room? So you hate cleaning the toilet, even if it’s part of your chores?
    And so – after you post these in your wall, complete with photos – wait if someone who really gives a damn respond to your… pettiness (if not stupidity at times).
  2. Too much flesh.
    There are actually two ways to look at this.
    On the one hand, I have a friend who scans through half-naked pics of his Facebook friends, hoping to hook the next trophy boyfriend (or boy toy). So, yes, you could find a partner (even if only largely sexual) by posting those naked pics.
    But on the other hand, I know someone who wants to be respected for his brains. Not that he is ugly – he’s got the six pack to prove he’s got the body to boot, too. But the thing is, he would post all these serious statements – e.g. the need to confront the worsening plight of immigrants in Australia, the continuing discrimination encountered by same-sex couples when applying for legal documentation that could affect their immigration status, et cetera – with photos of himself in his briefs, with the contours of his… package obvious in some of these photos.
    As a friend once said: “It’s like watching Aung San Suu Kyi deliver a speech about human rights violations in Myanmar while wearing swimsuit.”
  3. Sex hunting.
    As stated above, looking for sex may be the goal; and in this case, quite easy. Pose the nudies, and you’re on the way to achieving that. But if a partner is desired (not FuBu), then a different approach may be needed. Call it the Maria Clara syndrome: but so many still box people as “those who you sleep with” versus “those who you can marry”. LGBT people – no matter that we can’t marry in the Philippines – are not exempted from this way of thinking. So you want to be considered a “walking dick”, just good to be bedded? Hunt for sex. But you want to be someone’s “partner in life”? Be more than what’s between your legs (or at least pretend – HA HA!).
  4. Selfie overload.
    Photo in bed, before you even wash your face: CHECK.
    Photo while cooking breakfast: CHECK.
    Photo while choosing clothes, showing how messy you are when deciding what to wear: CHECK.
    Photo of your hand while locking the front door of your house: CHECK.
    Photo of your shoes, which you hope won’t get dusty while you wait for public transport on your way to work: CHECK.
    Photo of your eating: CHECK. Include a photo of the receipt from the karinderya: CHECK.
    Photo of you crying when your boss reprimanded you for not working the way you should: CHECK.
    Photo with officemates at the background (them working, you posing): CHECK.
    Photo while in the toilet (complete with a view of the dirty toilet bowl): CHECK.
    Photo of your feet when you return home, with the TV at the background: CHECK.
    Photo of you in bed with your eyes closed, pretending to sleep; with your hands stretched to allow you to take the shot: CHECK.
    Total LIKES for the day: Over 1,000.
    Respectability earned: Going to zero.
    Datable partner gained: ZERO.
  5. Social climbing exposition.
    So you went to Valkyrie Nightclub, and even have a photo taken with Vice Ganda while there.
    So you have a selfie with the Binays in one of their exclusive parties.
    So you hobnobbed with the Napoles kids.
    So you were able to touch Gretchen Barreto’s bag.
    The thing is, yes, we’re just as fascinated with the rich and famous (even if the source of fame is questionable); but if your self-worth is solely dependent on crossing paths with them, then… good luck in finding love with that kind of crowd. Remember, dear, that even Angelina Jolie found self-worth not solely in being famous, but in using that fame to make actual social impact.
  1. Publicizing every failed relationship.
    We’re used to having Kris Aquino’s story pushed down our throats – including her failed relationships (the latest her “relationship” with Herbert Baustista). Her blabbering of everything has long been noted, so I won’t add to that. But let me just say this: Too much publicity may be why Kris is attracting the wrong kinds of guys in her life – i.e. either they’re in it to use her clout, or end up leaving her for fear of it. There has to be a point where self-editing happens.
    For some, the publicizing starts even before a relationship is formed.
    I have a friend who goes out on dates (lots of them), and every time a date ends, she would post pics of the guy she dated (usually unflattering photos of the guy, for that matter), accompanying this with such statements as: “So you have issues with someone like me? Get lost!”
    My take: They’re not even in a relationship yet. So just imagine the things she’d post if they became an item, and then broke up.
  1. Ampalaya
    Remember the photo of the Thai guy and his German BF? Yes we’ve all seen it – just as we’ve read the harsh comments made regarding the couple: from the Thai guy “deceiving” his supposedly more handsome White BF (based on our colonialized ways of seeing), to Western people liking “pets” (gasp all you want, but that word was actually used by some, without recognizing that – particularly when other Asians use that term to refer to fellow Asians – we actually cement our inferiority as Asians to the still dominant White race), et cetera.
    But back to the topic: No one wants to be with someone who can’t be happy in other people’s happiness. Being bitter is so… unlovable.
  2. Know-it-all.
    Imposing is never sexy – so unless I’m into BDSM, share what you know, don’t impose things on me.
  3. No decision-making power.
    How many times have you met someone who asks complete strangers in Facebook what color of shirt he/she should wear for the day? Or what hair color suits him/her? Or if he/she should eat pork chop instead of fish for lunch? Or if he/she should say “yes” to his/her suitor? Or if…
    Oh, you know what I mean.
    There are Facebook users who can’t (or opt not to) decide for him/herself.
    The thing is: If you can’t even make up your own mind on personal (and often trivial) matters, being in a relationship isn’t for you. Unless, of course, you just want to have someone who’ll dictate how to live your life for you…
  4. Overstaying in Facebook.
    If you spend more time being in Facebook than living in the “real” (i.e. physical) world, then you have a problem. And yes, dear, it will affect your attempt to be paired.

In these more modern times, “think before you click” has long become a cliché.

But that still sums up what everyone should be doing when online.

Particularly when on the lookout for a special somebody.

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