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10 Facebook boo-boos that explain why you’re still single

You’re not exactly ugly; you have a great job; you have a nice set of friends; you do not financially depend on others; you have a Siberian Husky shedding its fur in your living room; you can afford to pay for your annual #LaBoracay trips… But why, oh why, are you still single? My dear, your Facebook uploads may explain why.



Yes, we’ve repeatedly heard about the supposed narcissism of the younger generation. We can argue all we want about this, but… if so many of the status updates/uploads in Facebook are to be the basis for this argument, then those who would like to argue against this are sure to lose.

And now that I think of it, these status updates/uploads actually also explain so many of the worries that so many face.

Such as in looking for love.

You’re not exactly ugly; you have a great job; you have a nice set of friends; you do not financially depend on others; you have a Siberian Husky shedding its fur in your living room; you can afford to pay for your annual #LaBoracay trips… But why, oh why, are you still single?

And – based on those I’ve encountered thus far – here are Facebook boo-boos that may explain why you’re still single.

  1. TMI.
    Yes, that’s for “too much information”. And honestly, I don’t think anyone would fall (for real) with someone who posts JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING.
    So you farted after eating camote (sweet potato) that you bought from that lady who is wearing ukay-ukay because she lives poorly some two blocks away from the house of your best friend who picks her nose when she thinks no one is watching? So you ate pancit canton for breakfast? So you decided not to report to work, pretending you’re not feeling well? So you decided not to obey your parents’ orders of doing something, deciding – instead – to lock yourself in your room? So you hate cleaning the toilet, even if it’s part of your chores?
    And so – after you post these in your wall, complete with photos – wait if someone who really gives a damn respond to your… pettiness (if not stupidity at times).
  2. Too much flesh.
    There are actually two ways to look at this.
    On the one hand, I have a friend who scans through half-naked pics of his Facebook friends, hoping to hook the next trophy boyfriend (or boy toy). So, yes, you could find a partner (even if only largely sexual) by posting those naked pics.
    But on the other hand, I know someone who wants to be respected for his brains. Not that he is ugly – he’s got the six pack to prove he’s got the body to boot, too. But the thing is, he would post all these serious statements – e.g. the need to confront the worsening plight of immigrants in Australia, the continuing discrimination encountered by same-sex couples when applying for legal documentation that could affect their immigration status, et cetera – with photos of himself in his briefs, with the contours of his… package obvious in some of these photos.
    As a friend once said: “It’s like watching Aung San Suu Kyi deliver a speech about human rights violations in Myanmar while wearing swimsuit.”
  3. Sex hunting.
    As stated above, looking for sex may be the goal; and in this case, quite easy. Pose the nudies, and you’re on the way to achieving that. But if a partner is desired (not FuBu), then a different approach may be needed. Call it the Maria Clara syndrome: but so many still box people as “those who you sleep with” versus “those who you can marry”. LGBT people – no matter that we can’t marry in the Philippines – are not exempted from this way of thinking. So you want to be considered a “walking dick”, just good to be bedded? Hunt for sex. But you want to be someone’s “partner in life”? Be more than what’s between your legs (or at least pretend – HA HA!).
  4. Selfie overload.
    Photo in bed, before you even wash your face: CHECK.
    Photo while cooking breakfast: CHECK.
    Photo while choosing clothes, showing how messy you are when deciding what to wear: CHECK.
    Photo of your hand while locking the front door of your house: CHECK.
    Photo of your shoes, which you hope won’t get dusty while you wait for public transport on your way to work: CHECK.
    Photo of your eating: CHECK. Include a photo of the receipt from the karinderya: CHECK.
    Photo of you crying when your boss reprimanded you for not working the way you should: CHECK.
    Photo with officemates at the background (them working, you posing): CHECK.
    Photo while in the toilet (complete with a view of the dirty toilet bowl): CHECK.
    Photo of your feet when you return home, with the TV at the background: CHECK.
    Photo of you in bed with your eyes closed, pretending to sleep; with your hands stretched to allow you to take the shot: CHECK.
    Total LIKES for the day: Over 1,000.
    Respectability earned: Going to zero.
    Datable partner gained: ZERO.
  5. Social climbing exposition.
    So you went to Valkyrie Nightclub, and even have a photo taken with Vice Ganda while there.
    So you have a selfie with the Binays in one of their exclusive parties.
    So you hobnobbed with the Napoles kids.
    So you were able to touch Gretchen Barreto’s bag.
    The thing is, yes, we’re just as fascinated with the rich and famous (even if the source of fame is questionable); but if your self-worth is solely dependent on crossing paths with them, then… good luck in finding love with that kind of crowd. Remember, dear, that even Angelina Jolie found self-worth not solely in being famous, but in using that fame to make actual social impact.
  1. Publicizing every failed relationship.
    We’re used to having Kris Aquino’s story pushed down our throats – including her failed relationships (the latest her “relationship” with Herbert Baustista). Her blabbering of everything has long been noted, so I won’t add to that. But let me just say this: Too much publicity may be why Kris is attracting the wrong kinds of guys in her life – i.e. either they’re in it to use her clout, or end up leaving her for fear of it. There has to be a point where self-editing happens.
    For some, the publicizing starts even before a relationship is formed.
    I have a friend who goes out on dates (lots of them), and every time a date ends, she would post pics of the guy she dated (usually unflattering photos of the guy, for that matter), accompanying this with such statements as: “So you have issues with someone like me? Get lost!”
    My take: They’re not even in a relationship yet. So just imagine the things she’d post if they became an item, and then broke up.
  1. Ampalaya
    Remember the photo of the Thai guy and his German BF? Yes we’ve all seen it – just as we’ve read the harsh comments made regarding the couple: from the Thai guy “deceiving” his supposedly more handsome White BF (based on our colonialized ways of seeing), to Western people liking “pets” (gasp all you want, but that word was actually used by some, without recognizing that – particularly when other Asians use that term to refer to fellow Asians – we actually cement our inferiority as Asians to the still dominant White race), et cetera.
    But back to the topic: No one wants to be with someone who can’t be happy in other people’s happiness. Being bitter is so… unlovable.
  2. Know-it-all.
    Imposing is never sexy – so unless I’m into BDSM, share what you know, don’t impose things on me.
  3. No decision-making power.
    How many times have you met someone who asks complete strangers in Facebook what color of shirt he/she should wear for the day? Or what hair color suits him/her? Or if he/she should eat pork chop instead of fish for lunch? Or if he/she should say “yes” to his/her suitor? Or if…
    Oh, you know what I mean.
    There are Facebook users who can’t (or opt not to) decide for him/herself.
    The thing is: If you can’t even make up your own mind on personal (and often trivial) matters, being in a relationship isn’t for you. Unless, of course, you just want to have someone who’ll dictate how to live your life for you…
  4. Overstaying in Facebook.
    If you spend more time being in Facebook than living in the “real” (i.e. physical) world, then you have a problem. And yes, dear, it will affect your attempt to be paired.

In these more modern times, “think before you click” has long become a cliché.

But that still sums up what everyone should be doing when online.

Particularly when on the lookout for a special somebody.

Love Affairs

What makes a happy couple, a happy family?

Being mindful and emotionally flexible in tough and challenging situations not only improves the lives of individuals, it might also strengthen and enrich their close relationships.



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“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” Leo Tolstoy wrote famously in 1878 in the opening lines of Anna Karenina. Turns out the Russian author was onto something.

Cohesive families, indeed, seem to share a few critical traits – psychologists agree. Being emotionally flexible may be one of the most important factors when it comes to longevity and overall health of your romantic and familial relationships.

That’s the finding of a new University of Rochester meta-analysis, published in the Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, which statistically combined the results of 174 separate studies that had looked at acceptance and commitment therapy, mindfulness, and emotion regulation.

The researchers’ aim was to clarify how mindful flexibility – on one hand – and inattentive, mindless, and rigid inflexibility on the other – were linked to the dynamics within families and romantic relationships.

“Put simply,” says coauthor Ronald Rogge, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, “this meta-analysis underscores that being mindful and emotionally flexible in tough and challenging situations not only improves the lives of individuals, it might also strengthen and enrich their close relationships.”

Psychological flexibility versus inflexibility

Psychological flexibility is defined as a set of skills that people use when they’re presented with difficult or challenging thoughts, feelings, emotions, or experiences. Such skills encompass:

  • Being open to experiences–both good and bad–and accepting them no matter how challenging or difficult they might be
  • Having a mindful attentive awareness of the present moment throughout day-to-day life
  • Experiencing thoughts and feelings without obsessively clinging to them
  • Maintaining a broader perspective even in the midst of difficult thoughts and feelings
  • Learning to actively maintain contact with our deeper values, no matter how stressful or chaotic each day is
  • Continuing to take steps toward a goal, even in the face of difficult experiences and setbacks

The opposite – psychological inflexibility – describes six specific behaviors, including:

  • Actively avoiding difficult thoughts, feelings, and experiences
  • Going through daily life in a distracted and inattentive manner
  • Getting stuck in difficult thoughts and feelings
  • Seeing difficult thoughts and feelings as a personal reflection and feeling judged or shameful for having them
  • Losing track of deeper priorities within the stress and chaos of day-to-day life
  • Getting derailed easily by setbacks or difficult experiences, resulting in being unable to take steps toward deeper goals.

Psychologists consider the rigid and inflexible responses to difficult or challenging experiences dysfunctional, ultimately contributing to and exacerbating a person’s psychopathology.

Photo by @suzylee from

How flexibility shapes interactions

Through their analysis, coauthor Jennifer Daks, a PhD candidate in the Rochester Department of Psychology, and Rogge discovered that within families, higher levels of various forms of parental psychological flexibility were linked to:

  • Greater use of adaptive parenting strategies
  • Fewer incidents of lax, harsh, and negative parenting strategies
  • Lower perceived parenting stress or burden
  • Greater family cohesion <
  • Lower child distress

Within romantic relationships, higher levels of various forms of psychological inflexibility were linked to:

  • Lower relationship satisfaction for themselves and their partners
  • Lower sexual satisfaction
  • Lower emotional supportiveness
  • Greater negative conflict, physical aggression, attachment anxiety, and attachment avoidance

The results suggest that psychological flexibility and inflexibility may play key roles in both couples and families in shaping how individuals interact with the people closest to them, the researchers write.

The meta-analysis, also commonly referred to as a “study of studies,” cements and adds to the findings of Rogge’s earlier work in which he and a team tested the effects of couples’ watching movies together and talking about the films afterward. In that work, Rogge and his colleagues demonstrated that couples could bring mindful awareness, compassion, and flexibility back into their relationships by using movies to spark meaningful relationship discussions, leading to both immediate and long-term benefits.

That study, conducted in 2013, found that an inexpensive, fun, and relatively simple watch-and-talk approach can be just as effective as other more intensive therapist-led methods–more than halving the divorce or separation rate from 24 to 11 percent after the first three years of marriage.

Being mindful and emotionally flexible in tough and challenging situations not only improves the lives of individuals, it might also strengthen and enrich their close relationships.

“The results suggest that husbands and wives have a pretty good sense of what they might be doing right and wrong in their relationships,” Rogge said about the earlier study. “You might not need to teach them a whole lot of skills to cut the divorce rate. You might just need to get them to think about how they are currently behaving. And for five movies to give us a benefit over three years–that is awesome.”

Watching and discussing movies with your partner that feature onscreen couples can have a positive effect on your relationship, Rogge recently told People magazine. It’s an easy exercise that “could be a lifesaver during quarantine,” he says.

Which movies work? As Good as It GetsFunny GirlGone with the WindLove StoryIndecent ProposalThe Devil Wears Prada, and Father of the Bride are a few of the films Rogge and his fellow researchers used in their 2013 study of couples.

Looking for some LGBTQ recommendations? Rogge suggests The Kids Are AlrightThe Wedding BanquetThe Birdcage, and episodes of Grace and Frankie.

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Love Affairs

Countries with most, least cheaters identified

Wanna know which countries have the most – and least – cheaters, and who they cheat with? Here’s a rundown.



From sports legends to royal members and the average Joes, many people have been caught cheating in relationships. But instead of packing your bags and going to live with your parents, why not hop on a plane and move to the county with the least amount of infidelities? 

With that in mind, the experts at the online marketplace sought to find out which countries had the most and least cheaters. To find out, they surveyed 30,000 people from 30 different countries around the globe to see how many respondents admitted to cheating on their partners. was also curious to see who the person a cheater is most likely to cheat with in each country. 

Countries with most cheaters?

The US came on to among the countries with the most cheater with 71% of all respondents saying they have cheated at least once in their relationships. But who do Americans cheat with the most? The study revealed that the partner in crime of choice for most people in the US, when it comes to cheating, is the ex-partner.

In second place among the countries with the most cheaters is Germany, where 68% of people admitted to cheating on their partners at least once. When it comes to the person most Germans cheat with, friends topped the list.

The third country with the most cheaters is the UK, where 66% of British respondents admitted to cheating… also mostly with a friend.

Some people prefer one-night stands with strangers. In fact, most respondents from Thailand, France, Russia and Australia said they’ve slept with a stranger behind their partners’ backs. 

Countries with least cheaters? 

Not all apples are bad, but sometimes you need to travel far to find a good one.

Iceland topped the list of countries with least cheaters, with only 9% of the Icelandic respondents admitted to cheating; most did so with an ex-partner. 

Greenland is the second least cheating country with only 12% of people saying they’ve ever cheated. Friends topped the list of cheating partners.

The third country with the least number of cheaters is Ireland, where 15% of Celts said they did the dirty on their partners. Those who cheated did so with their ex-partners.

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Love Affairs

How to have an intimate wedding

If you are having to rethink your wedding this year, or have always been attracted to the idea of a small and intimate wedding, here are some tips to help you pull it off.



Unfortunately 2020 has meant that many couples have had to rearrange their original nuptial plans or cancel them altogether. For those that had been dreaming of their big days for months or even years, this was a devastating blow. While this kind of disappointment can be heart-breaking, changing big wedding plans to something more intimate does have its perks, and some couples would prefer this kind of celebration altogether. 

If you are having to rethink your wedding this year, or have always been attracted to the idea of a small and intimate wedding, here are some tips to help you pull it off.

Limit the Guest List

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be one of the harder parts of the planning process. Of course, every bride and groom want their immediate family members present, as well as their closest friends, but then you need to think about aunties, uncles, cousins, colleagues, etc. Although you might be worried about offending people if you want an intimate wedding you need to cut the extended family members and colleagues from the list. Only those you have a close relationship with should be present at your wedding.

Choose a Personal Venue

Grand manor houses and fancy hotel ballrooms are all great options for wedding venues, but they don’t exactly scream ‘intimate’. If you want your wedding to feel truly personal to you and your partner, choose somewhere that means something to you both. Where did you go on your first date? Is there a cute B&B where you spent your first weekend away together? You could even get married at a family home in the gardens if you wanted to, and you could hire bartenders from a company such as and caterers, too.

Handmade Décor

For further personal touches to your intimate wedding (and to help you save some pennies!) consider handmaking some decorations for the special day. Simple candles and flowers always make gorgeous centerpieces for the tables, and you could spruce up a plain notebook or photo album to transform it into a pretty guestbook, or fill mason jars with twinkly lights and petals for some elegant, rustic lighting. It might take a little more effort on your part, but with the help of some friends and family, you can create pretty, unique decorations that will add to the romantic atmosphere.


A menu of simple yet delicious dishes is perfect for keeping things low-key on your big day. Italian cuisine is always popular and a great crowd-pleaser if you are opting for a sit-down meal rather than a buffet. If you want more of a festival vibe for your wedding, which seems to be a growing trend, hire a few different food trucks for your wedding instead, and give your guests a choice. 

Consider a Registry Office

If you want to save money and keep things small, marry at a registry office and head to a bar or restaurant for your reception. It might not sound very grand, but this is perfect for intimate weddings and allows couples to relax a little more on their big day. 

For the perfect intimate wedding, think about the points above and whether they could work for you.

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Love Affairs

Safety precautions to take on your first date

So, how do you stay safe when going out with someone for the first time? Here are some tips.



We all have a perfect sequence of events lined up in our minds when going on a date. You definitely want to be sure you have made the right choice, but you also want your first date to be a memorable one for the right reasons. Unfortunately, dates can be a nightmare. Apart from dealing with an obnoxious or rude date, reports of date rape have risen by 450% since 2016. This means that without taking the right safety precautions, you may end up being assaulted or worse.


So, how do you stay safe when going out with someone for the first time? Here are some tips.

1. Keep your friends and family informed

No matter how much you trust your date companion, it is best to keep your friends, family, and loved ones in the loop about where you’re planning to go and when. Ensure that they have necessary details like the location, contact number, name of your date, and the day and time of your date. If you make any sudden changes concerning your planned date location, let your loved ones know immediately. Also, ensure that your smartphone’s location services are always on.

2. Meet in a public place

First of all, pick your preferred location and ensure that it is in a public place. Also, make sure that your preferred location is as close to your home as possible. You may want to choose a romantic restaurant that meets your fancy, but it might not be the best option if it is too far away from home. Instead, you can go to a local restaurant, a cafe, or a park close to home. If you’re meeting someone for the first time, please avoid following them to their homes immediately. It would help if you also took time to research social distance date ideas to protect yourself during this pandemic. 

3. Provide your transportation 

It feels romantic to have someone pick you up right from home, open the doors for you, and hand you a rose. But that can wait for now, as your safety is the most important thing at the moment. If you’re planning on meeting someone you don’t know very well, go with your own transportation. There have been several instances of people being picked up by strange vehicles and not making it back home. If you own a car, drive yourself to the location. Alternatively, you can use an Uber. 

4. Leave when you’re uncomfortable

If your date makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, then it is time to leave without hesitation. There are times when you need to trust your intuition and instincts, and when it comes to your safety, one red flag is more than enough. Pay attention to signs like your date’s body language, demeanor, and the kind of things they say. For example, if they’re being too physical or trying to invade your personal space, then that’s a no-no. 

Finally, before setting off from home, put your investigative hat on and conduct a thorough background check.

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Love Affairs

Same-gender couples interact better than heterosexual couples

In terms of the quality of interactions with their partners, the study found same-gendered relationships had better-quality interactions than found in different-gendered relationships.



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Same-gender couples have higher-quality interactions with one another than heterosexual couples.

This is according to a new UC Riverside study that also holds that couples with two men have the smallest social networks.

Researcher Megan Robbins says the recent study is the first to compare same- and different-sex couples’ social networks and daily interactions with one another.

Past research shows that same-gender couples enjoy strengths including appreciation of individual differences, positive emotions, and effective communication. But research hasn’t compared the quality of their daily interactions – inside and outside the couple dynamic – to those of heterosexual couples. 

“The comparison is important because there is so much research linking the quality of romantic relationships and other social ties to health and well-being, yet it is unclear if this applies similarly or differently to people in same-gender romantic relationships because they have been historically excluded from past research,” said Robbins, who is an associate professor of psychology at UCR. Reasons for potential differences include the stigma sexual minorities face, and also their resilience.

For the study, Robbins and her team recruited same-gender and different-gender couples throughout Southern California. The couples had to be in a married or “married-like” committed relationship; living together for at least a year; and have no physical or mental health conditions that impeded their daily functioning.

Among those who applied to be in the study, 78 couples were found to be eligible, 77 of which provided enough data to be used. Twenty-four of the couples were woman-woman; 20 were man-man, and 33 were man-woman.

Participants met with the researchers on two separate Fridays, a month apart, completing surveys. They received text or email prompts several times in the days following the in-person meetings. In the text/email prompts, participants were asked whether they had an interaction with their partner, a family member, or a friend in the past 10 minutes, then asked to rate the quality of the social interaction using a five-point scale – one being unpleasant; three, neutral; five, pleasant.

In terms of social networks, the study found couples in man-man relationships had smaller social networks than woman-woman and man-woman couples. On the other end of the results spectrum, women in relationships with men were most likely to have the largest social networks.

Robbins said the finding is consistent with previous research showing men with men experience the least acceptance among family members.

“We hypothesized that one model for how the social life of people in same-gender couples might differ from those in different-gender couples was a honing model, where people in same-gender couples reduce their social networks down to only those people who are supportive. We found some support for this by learning that the men with men had the smallest social networks in our sample.,” Robbins said.

The quality of interactions with families was reported to be greatest by same-gender couples. There was no difference for interaction quality with friends.

In terms of the quality of interactions with their partners, the study found same-gendered relationships had better-quality interactions than found in different-gendered relationships.

Robbins said that may be due to greater similarity between partners when they share a gender identity, and greater equality within the couple, compared to people in different-sex couples.

“When male and female partners interact, they may do so from a culturally imposed frame wherein men and women are considered ‘opposites,’ which creates more potential for tension in interactions,” Robbins wrote in the paper, titled Social Compensation and Honing Frameworks, and published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

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Love Affairs

Virgos are discriminated against in dating and job recruitment – MIT research

Research found that “astrological stereotypes” about personalities formed without pre-existing social reality, yet are shaping social reality via discrimination, especially against Virgos.



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Which comes first, stereotypes or social reality?

In a recent paper, MIT Sloan School of Management Prof. Jackson Lu studied a novel form of stereotyping and discrimination in China based on Western astrological signs. He found that “astrological stereotypes” about personalities formed without pre-existing social reality, yet are shaping social reality via discrimination, especially against Virgos.

“Because stereotypes and social reality are mutually reinforcing, it is often difficult to know whether a given stereotype has emerged from pre-existing social reality, or instead has shaped social reality over time to resemble the stereotype. It’s a chicken-or-egg problem that social scientists have struggled to answer,” says Lu.

To help disentangle stereotypes from social reality, Lu and his colleagues conducted the first systematic examination of astrological stereotyping and discrimination in China. Through globalization, these signs were introduced to China and translated from English into Chinese. With the aid of social media, astrological signs have become a mainstream cultural trend in China.

There is also ample anecdotal evidence that people use astrological signs to infer personality traits and to make decisions about dating and employment. Importantly, each astrological sign is associated with certain personalities based on how its name is translated into Chinese.

“For example, the word ‘Virgo’ is literally translated as ‘virgin’ in Chinese, and Virgos are stereotyped as having disagreeable personalities like being fussy, critical, and picky,” he says. “Some Chinese job postings state that Virgo candidates are not wanted, and some Chinese people avoid Virgos on dating apps.”

In one study, the researchers conducted surveys asking Chinese people about their impressions of the astrological signs. Participants clearly ranked Virgos as the worst sign, followed by Scorpio because its Chinese translation is associated with the poisonous scorpion.

Further studies examined two Chinese translations of the word “Virgo.” The researchers leveraged an interesting fact that Virgo can be translated in two ways: “Virgin” is the well-known translation in astrology, whereas “royal chamber lady” is the lesser-known translation in astronomy. Participants viewed a profile of a Virgo individual. The profiles were identical, except that Virgo was either translated as “virgin” or “royal chamber lady.” Participants perceived the “virgin” profile as a more disagreeable person compared to the “royal chamber lady” profile.

“This study shows that translation can play a critical role in creating stereotypes,” says Lu.

The researchers consistently found that hiring managers – at least in China – are less willing to hire Virgos because of their perceived disagreeable personalities.

In another study, the researchers experimented with a popular Chinese dating app, using an identical profile but with different astrological signs: Virgo, Leo, or Libra. The Virgo profile received a lot fewer “likes” than the Leo and Libra profiles, which suggests that people are discriminating against Virgos in dating.

They also conducted a similar experiment in the context of hiring, using the same resume but with different astrological signs. The researchers consistently found that hiring managers – at least in China – are less willing to hire Virgos because of their perceived disagreeable personalities.

As for whether there is any basis for such discrimination based on astrological signs, Lu says their studies found none. “We found no evidence that astrological signs predict personality or job performance.”

Lu notes, “Unlike race or gender, astrological signs are not a protected class, yet they form the basis for widespread discrimination in social contexts like dating and hiring. People need to be aware of this phenomenon.”

He adds, “In the case of astrological stereotypes in China, the chicken-and-egg question has a clear answer. The stereotypes came first because of language translations, and those stereotypes then shaped social reality via discrimination.”

Lu is the lead author of “Disentangling Stereotypes from Social Reality: Astrological Stereotypes and Discrimination in China,” with Xin Lucy Liu of Peking University, Hui Liao of the University of Maryland, and Lei Wang of Peking University. Their paper was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

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