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10 PlanetRomeo situations that highlight gay confusion

Mikee dela Cruz writes about PlanetRomeo statuses he encountered that highlight, for him, “how baffled we gays can be/can get” – from “Position: Top only; Fucking: Bottom only”, to penis sizes, to accepting friends only if they passed stringent qualifications.

PlanetRomeo

Remember that oft-cited statement about Playboy Magazine being bought not because of the photos of naked women, but because of the well-written articles contained in it? Well, for me, gay hook-up sites are somewhat the same. Yes, the torso pics and the dick pics are titillating (Hello, I’m a stereotypical gay man!); but I tell you, these sites are also treasure troves of stories yet to be told.

And lately, particularly with my frequent visits to PlanetRomeo.com (a.k.a. GayRomeo.com), one such hook-up site, I have been encountering confusing statuses that highlight – to me – how baffled we gays can be/can get.

And here are the top 10 PlanetRomeo-related confusions I encountered (so far!).

  1. Position: Top only; Fucking: Bottom only.
    Or vice versa.
    Some users, methinks, do not know what they want to do in bed, claiming to be “top only”, but would like to “bottom only”. And we’re not talking “top AND bottom”, or even “more top” or “more bottom”; instead, it’s the above, leaving me baffled what – exactly – the user wants to happen in bed. I think I’ll bring pick up sticks or jackstones if/when I meet such a user just to be on the safe side…
  2. Bi but will only have sex with men (“And girls?” I asked one such user, only to be told: “Yuck!”).
    I’d say PlanetRomeo is a window that provides us glimpses of how so many gay (you read that right: GAY) Filipinos are confused with sexual orientation versus gender expression, thereby misconstruing bisexualism as being “straight-acting/looking”. Guys, you can be as butch as Rocky and still be gay; or, for that matter, be as “soft” as licorice stuffed in a glass of vodka and still be het.
  3. Married with women, sex with men.
    This one is, for me, actually among the saddest.
    In HIV work, there’s a term used: men who have sex with men (MSM), referring to men who do not necessarily identify as gay or bi, but still have sex with men. There are PlanetRomeo users, though, who are not even really into women, but marry them because it’s what’s expected of them. And then they have fun with people they really only want to do it with – i.e. other men.
  4. Malamya ang boses.
    Okay, I admit, I have a girly voice. When people call the office and I answer the phone, the person at the other end almost always address me as “Ma’am” [I was once asked: “Ma’am, is Mikee (that’s me) your son?” ARGH!]. So this one sounds like a defense of my high-pitched voice. But note how so many won’t want to talk to you ever again if, after hearing your voice when they give you a ring, you don’t sound like Mike Enriquez or Ted Failon.
    C’mon guys, meet the person – you’re not fucking my voice!
  5. L. XL. XXL.
    I get it: male domination has long been associated with penile size. But guys, rulers/tape measures do not vary no matter where you may be – that is, the measurements remain the same. So when you claim it’s XXL, I better see an appendage like Chad Hunt’s or Rocco Siffredi’s or Nacho Vidal’s or Rocco Steele’s. That way, I can start running the opposite direction (AS IF!). Otherwise, call a spade a spade. There’s no shame in that. After all, I’ll still be seeing/testing it for myself for real if/when we do meet, so you may as well come clean even early on.
  6. Friends – with qualifications.
    Perhaps this exemplifies how judgmental we can get? So many PlanetRomeo users are looking for people they can be good friends with – to watch movies with, grab coffee with, travel with. And then the other requirements they add are stressed; and they are often numerous – that he should be in the 18-23 age range, taller than 5’6”, have average to good looks, should drive a car, has his own place, must be top (or bottom), must have big dick…
    I say this: And you wonder you don’t have friends?
  7. Mature-seeker – but preferably under 23.
    PlanetRomeo is – for some – a place for BF-hunting. And that’s okay. But funny how there are those who want to find more matured guys: that he already attained his goals in life, he is well-off, he has traveled the world, he has his own house/condo/car, and so on.  The catch? They then demand that only those who are still kids, like them, respond to their profiles.
    I say this: No wonder you’re still single!
  8. Clean-looking means disease-free.
    Many PlanetRomeo users post their more recent HIV antibody test results – which is good and well, since at least they are getting tested (even if some touching on anti-PLHIV sentiments – a topic for another write-up). But then many also offer “tips” when identifying disease-free sex partners, including choosing someone with clear skin, not too skinny, beautiful teeth, and so on and so forth. For those who “qualify” based on their looks, condom use can also be negotiated. A change in perspective is truly needed here.
  9. Ethnicity: Mixed.
    Yes, I get it: Most Filipinos are obsessed with the tisoy, and the non-tisoys are not always the first choice. I don’t necessarily agree with it (Heck, when you go to a Western country, everyone wants to be as tanned as Filipinos!), but – yes – this shit is “real”.
    But just because your surname isn’t Batungbacal does not make you not Pinoy. Claim it. Own it. There’s no shame in being one.
  10. Looking for relationship… but accepts payments now.
    I know there are people with good hearts – or as some may call them in BitchLand, “SUCKERS!” – who will hand out support to total strangers in pick-up sites, but if your concept of finding a meaningful relationship is finding someone who will finance you, that’s not necessarily gonna fly. NOT, I’d say, that there’s anything wrong with that – if your arrangement with your partner is vis-à-vis an exchange of something, that’s something you two decide on. But whoring, my dear (while I’m all for it), isn’t the bestest way to start a relationship. Not everyone can be Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman!
    Related to this is the merging of picking up with… begging.
    If you expect me to go out in the middle of the night to find a store so I can have P20 loaded into your mobile phone number so you can send me text messages so we can discuss how you can take a cab that I will pay when you go to my place… my dear, you’re in the wrong site. Begging is so… unsexy (unless you have a dick made of gold, HA HA!). Let me talk to the taxi driver, instead: I’ll give him the directions to PCSO.

Truth be told, I myself had D’UH! moments in gay hook-up sites. But (recognizing that I could be the first to receive heavy rocks thrown my way if I act holier-than-thou) I am not here to throw stones, so don’t feel defensive now. Consider these as mere observations, and sources of LOL moments that need to be (re)visited.

And so… happy hunting. At least until I see some boo-boos again I can’t stop myself from ignoring.

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