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Inside private play parties for femme-identifying people

Bethany Burgoyne, an expert from JOYclub and founder of The Sassy Show, is offering unprecedented insight into private play parties for femme-identifying people, sharing both her personal and professional experiences.

The diversity of London’s sex scene is often underestimated. But JOYclub, a sex-positive online community, hopes to provide a platform for like-minded individuals and couples to explore their sexuality, share experiences, and connect in real life through participation in events or parties.

“My first time attending a private play party came with lots of surprises, including the small amount of people present, which made it slightly tricker to find folk I vibed with,” recalled Bethany Burgoyne, an expert from JOYclub and founder of The Sassy Show. “Knowing that these parties can be more intimate affairs, I now find friends to go with so I can guarantee play in advance – in case I don’t meet anyone new I connect with.”

Burgoyne is now offering insight into private play parties for femme-identifying people, sharing both her personal and professional experiences.

“I’ve found that private play parties can be in exciting, adventurous locations that add to the erotic nature of these events, including swimming pools, outdoor play areas, and bougie homes, to name a few. It’s also a gorgeous experience to be hosted by people who know the scene and open their spaces with a welcome sense of care and support.”

Burgoyne said that private play parties come in lots of different forms. “My favorite has been a wrestling sex party which included a low-key workshop around communicating consent, as well as latex-loving gatherings in people’s homes and medical fetish private parties, which are often filled with experts in this field. Use your imagination to figure out what you want and how you want it before going off to explore.”

Burgoyne found that predominantly white people attend private parties, so for Burgoyne, “it’s important that events are entirely inclusive and diverse. My friends often message the organizers first to check ethnicity ratios and I have personally asked event hosts to safeguard parties and demonstrate a commitment to inclusion.”

For Burgoyne, “if you are ever in doubt as to what a party will entail, or if you have any concerns, reach out to the organizers and ask. Kinksters and swingers are notorious for valuing good communication, so you’ll be in safe hands.”

At least in Burgoyne’s experience, “over time I have lent more towards parties that monitor the number of attendees with regard to gender ratios and, as a queer cis woman, I am always happy when I discover spaces that prioritize females and non-binary folk.”

Also in Burgoyne’s experience, parties for femme-identifying people put more of an emphasis on vetting ticket purchases; a lot require that an existing member vouches for you. “These parties also typically show a lot more awareness for people’s emotional needs, having quiet rooms and a ‘no phones allowed’ rule to manage privacy.”

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In the end, “I would suggest that anyone looking for a private play party starts connecting with folk via online forums, such as, so you can meet fellow kinksters and get suggestions of people to meet and places to go. Whether I’m in a new city or out in the countryside, you can be sure that there will be something sassy going on nearby – you just need to do a bit of research.”

Burgoyne’s top tip? “Head to a local munch (a social gathering for people involved or interested in the kink, BDSM, or sex party scene where no sexual activities take place) and start chatting with people first. That way, you can find fellow femmes who can tell you their experiences and suggestions of parties to attend that worked for them.”

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Your "not that regular" all-around gal, writing about anything, thus everything. "There's always more to discover... thus write about," she says in between - GASP! - puffs. And so that's what she does, exactly. Write, of course; not (just) puff.


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