One time I was drinking with members of a GC (group chat) in this rundown bar in Cubao, where I heard self-identifying gay and bisexual men talk about the “binabaye”, referring to transgender women who was (and maybe still “is”) believed to “want to be like women”. They were not “wanted”, said one, because they’re “nakakahiya” (source of embarrassment). As he stressed, “bakla ka na nga, magpapababae ka pa” (you’re already gay, and yet you still aspire to be a woman).”
The drinking session turned into a lengthy discussion on transgender people, and the things they go through, including within the LGBTQIA+ community (that is, apparently, not very inclusive of its members). But it also made me realize that for us not to be haters, and not help in promoting discrimination of our rainbow siblings, we need to slap some sense into ourselves. And realize that in truth, our support do not even have to be grand gestures, just by taking practical steps that will make their lives much, much better.
1. EDUCATE YOURSELF
Education is the cornerstone of understanding and support. The first step in being supportive is to educate yourself about transgender issues, including terms, concepts, the challenges faced by transgender individuals, and so on. Know the difference between sex and gender, about the spectrum of gender identity, terms such as cisgender, non-binary, genderqueer, and others. And if you can, hear from transgender authors, activists, and so on… they can speak about their lives better than non-trans.
2. USE CORRECT PRONOUNS AND NAMES
Affirm people by using the name and pronoun/s they chose for themselves. Wala naming mawawala sa iyo if you do so. Misgendering someone, even unintentionally, can be hurtful and damaging, leading to feelings of invalidation and alienation.
When you make mistakes — and everyone does at times — apologize, correct yourself, and move on without dwelling on the error.
3. LISTEN AND VALIDATE EXPERIENCES
Be the safe space of people, allowing them to share their lived experiences, feelings, and so on. Particularly if you are not transgender, you don’t know what they went through/are going through. And even if you’re transgender, your experiences would be different due to your intersecting identities (like race, socioeconomic status, and so on). So… just listen, and learn from what you hear.
4. ADVOCATE FOR RIGHTS AND INCLUSION
If you think life is more challenging because you’re “different”, it is the same (or even more) for transgender people. So advocate for their rights, too; hindi lang naman ikaw ang nahihirapan, maraming iba na oppressed din. Start with speaking up for the oppressed… including transgender people within the LGBTQIA+ community. Kung kaya mo, support transgender groups, policies promoting equal rights for all (including transgender people), and so on. But start with using your tongue as a tool to help, and not to worsen the oppression.
5. REFLECT ON YOUR OWN BIASES AND BE PATIENT
Recognizing and reflecting on your own biases is essential to being a supportive ally. Everyone has biases, that’s acceptable naman. But self-reflection is important to help you better understand your beliefs and assumptions about transgender individuals.
Alongside this reflection, start committing to the process of supporting transgender individuals. Understand that being a supportive ally is an ongoing effort that requires continual learning and growth.
Buod: if you have nothing nice to say at all about (other) oppressed people, hold your tongue na lang. Although the ideal is, of course, for you to learn to support even in simple ways. The idea, after all, is for you to help pave the way for a more just and inclusive society. Because together, we can challenge stigma, uplift marginalized voices, and forge a path toward equality for all.
