This is part of #KaraniwangLGBTQIA, which Outrage Magazine officially launched on July 26, 2015 to offer vignettes of LGBTQIA+ people/living, particularly in the Philippines, to give so-called “everyday people” – in this case, the common LGBTQIA+ people – that chance to share their stories.
As Outrage Magazine editor Michael David C. Tan says: “All our stories are valid – not just the stories of the ‘big shots’. And it’s high time we start telling all our stories.”
Claire Pantaleon dela Luna – 43 years old, from Zamboanga City – knew she’s different “as early as five years old”. And this is even if she did not have the right word to use to refer to her identification.
“As early as when I was five years old, I already realized I’m different,” she said in the Taglish. “Growing up, that’s when I knew I’m a woman.”
The third of nine kids, Claire took a long time to come out. But she’s glad that when she transitioned, her family supported her.
“In high school, I started transitioning, dressing up as a woman… even if I was hiding it at that time. In college, that’s when I came out to them,” she recalled, adding that her parents “did not have violent reactions. They fully accepted me for who I am, and I’m grateful.”
Claire – who said she’s fortunate she didn’t experience discrimination the way many other trans persons have – did not finish her schooling. This was mainly because she got hooked with joining pageants.
“I focused on beauty pageants,” she said, “foregoing completing college.”
And though she is gainfully employed now, she still hopes that eventually she would finish her schooling.
Claire was in a five-year relationship before, but it didn’t work out. She was already supposed to migrate to Norway, but she returned to the Philippines. And now she thinks finding love again is not easy.
“I find it hard to look for love now because my standard is based on my ex-fiancé… someone who can really accept me, love me for who I am. And it’s unconditional, without restrictions. Someone who won’t betray my trust,” she said. So that now, “I am hesitant to meet men, or to find lovers here in the Philippines.”
Claire knows of the assumptions related to LGBTQIA+ relationships – e.g. that you have you pay to be loved. But she said she’s okay with growing old alone.
“I just focus on myself,” she said. If I grow up alone, without a partner, I’ll be content. I’ll just nurture what I have.”
For Claire, younger trans people should always do their best.
“They should study hard. Be good at what they do as they navigate their future. Always do your best.”
There are trans women who, like her, see joining beauty pageants as everything. But Claire said they also need to be realistic.
“There’s a limitation to our joining pageants because we won’t be young and beautiful forever. We’d also age, and our skin will wrinkle. So think of the future: save, invest,” she said.
And to haters, Claire said for them to acknowledge “we’re already here.”
“Keep on hating,” she said, sardonically. “We’re already here, and we’re existing.”
