For many people in the gay community, getting married is difficult enough. There is still a ban on same-sex marriage in many places so those who do get to tie the knot can be considered very fortunate. Courts in the Philippines, for example, have been refusing to legalize gay marriage for years although there is still hope that marriage equality will one day be attained.
Still, for those who do get married, there is no guarantee that their marriage will last forever. As with any type of relationship, pressures abound and there are times when conflicts will arise. If you are married and are relating to this, you will understand what we are saying.
If your marriage is on the rocks, choices will have to be made. You could choose to walk away from the marriage if you think it has no chance of working or you could stick it out with the intention of making things better.
Which is the right answer? Well, deciding what is right isn’t always easy. Certainly, if the marriage is abusive or if one person in the relationship is continually unfaithful, then it might be time to call a divorce attorney.
But in some circumstances, the marriage could be worth saving. Provided you aren’t in a position where you feel unsafe in your relationship, these are some of the reasons why you could try to make things work.
#1: There is still love in the relationship
This is a biggie. If you still have loving feels towards one another then there is still a chance that things could work. It’s a cliche to say but love can conquer all. If you can both sit down together, discuss the love and care you have for one another, then compromises could be made. Relationships can be hard work but they are harder when both parties have no feelings at all towards one another.
#2: There is the realisation that nobody’s perfect
No matter how warm and caring you or your partner are, there has to be the realisation that neither of you is perfect. You will both have flaws as they are what make you human. If you can both come to terms with the fact that perfection is unlikely to be attained, then you will be in a position where you can show more forgiveness to each other.
Of course, this depends on what those flaws are. If they threaten to damage the other person or the ties in the relationship, then questions over the future of the marriage will have to be raised. But if they are relatively insignificant, then tolerance should be considered.
#3: Change is possible
“I promise I can change.”
How many times has that line been used in a relationship? It’s usually when mistakes have been made, such as when one person promises to stop being unfaithful. In some cases, those words are said truthfully, so there is scope for change and redemption. But in other cases, those words can be empty. It’s about deciding whether you think change is possible and how strong your ability is to give the other person a chance (or for them to give you a chance).
#4: You have children
If you have adopted children into your family or brought them into your lives in another way, then you should consider their needs before breaking up the relationship. This isn’t to say you should save the marriage for their needs alone as if you are constantly fighting with your partner, your children won’t be living in an emotionally healthy environment. However, as we said at the beginning, if there is still love in the relationship, then you should try to make it work, for the needs of you and your partner and the needs of your children.
#5: You are both willing to make it work
If only one of you is making the effort to make the marriage work then problems will arise. It needs to be a team effort so you both need to put the work in. If this is possible in your relationship, then it clearly has a future so don’t be quick to give up.
Should you save your struggling marriage?
This isn’t a question we can answer for you, but if, after reading the points made above, you think it can be saved, then make every effort to do so. Seek advice if you need to, including counselling support, as this could be one way to heal any rifts that have taken place.
We wish you success and happiness, whatever you decide to do.