As the holiday season approaches, Filipino singles often find themselves facing the familiar questions of “When are you getting married?” and “When are you having kids?“. While these inquiries may be well-intentioned, they can sometimes put pressure on individuals who may have different plans for their lives. For some, the ideal path may involve embracing a “DINK” lifestyle.
The DINK lifestyle, short for “Dual Income No Kids,” is becoming increasingly popular among Filipinos who value financial independence, personal growth, and a more relaxed pace of life. According to a recent survey by Bumble*, a dating and social networking app, more than half (59%) of Filipino singles are considering a child-free future, with women (62%) being more likely to be interested in the DINK lifestyle than men (55%).
When asked about the reasons for their preference for a DINK lifestyle, many singles cited the ability to prioritize personal growth and experiences. A strong majority (60%) stated that they value the freedom to travel and pursue hobbies without the constraints of childcare, while 56% prioritize career advancement and personal goals. Furthermore, the newer generation strongly reflects this sentiment more, with Gen Zs (66%) being slightly more likely to seek out this interest than Millennials (58%).
DINKY: Keeping it light before parenthood
For those who are still undecided about having children, the term “DINKY” (Dual Income, No Kids Yet) has gained popularity on TikTok. This term acknowledges that while some couples may currently choose to remain child-free, they may still consider starting a family in the future.
This trend aligns with a broader shift in societal norms as more and more Filipinas are taking control of their own lives and refusing to be bound by traditional expectations. In fact, 1 in 3 (31%) Filipino women** say they’re no longer following traditional timelines and milestones, and nearly half (43%) would only date people who feel the same way.
Reflecting their desire for a specific lifestyle, 42% of Filipino singles surveyed indicated that finding a partner who wants a DINK lifestyle is important to them. This preference was more pronounced among women, with 47% expressing a desire for a DINK partner, compared to 38% of men.
“As more people embrace the DINK or DINKY lifestyle, we’re seeing a powerful shift in how relationships are being approached,” says Meihui Chen, APAC Communications Lead for Bumble . “It’s about prioritizing goals and finding a partner who shares those values. Open communication about life choices has never been more crucial today especially when it comes to committing to long-term, healthy relationships. This includes talking about whether they want kids or not–or just not yet. If you are clear of your own lifestyle goals, using Bumble’s Basic Info Badges to reflect these intentions is a great way to find compatible matches. Likewise, activating filters narrows your searches for potential matches. Regardless of what kind of relationship Filipinos are looking for these “Ber months”, we hope that these features will empower our community to find the right connections for them.”
How can you embrace dating while knowing you want to be child-free?
If you identify with the DINK or a DINKY lifestyle and are exploring the dating scene, these tips can help you connect with like-minded partners:
- Be honest and bring up your decision ASAP. Talking about why you don’t want children can be difficult to discuss with someone new. But if you see this match going the distance, it’s a good idea to explain your reasoning as best as you’re able. You can say so in your bio—or, use the Bumble Basic Info badge that allows you to share if you want children or not. Doing this gives your match a heads up about where you stand.
Being transparent about your decision making process can also help your match understand you and the way you make life choices overall. - Be wary of partners who think they can change your mind. It’s a major red flag if someone you’re seeing keeps trying to convince you to have kids or hinting that you’ll eventually want children. It means they think they know your desires better than you do, when they obviously don’t. If they push, lay out your reasons and decline politely.
- Don’t try to convince your partner to decide against having kids. In the same vein, respect your partner’s decision if they tell you they do want children. Trying to change their mind will only make them resentful of you and will show them you don’t honor their boundaries.
But take note that choosing to be in a long-term relationship with someone whose views on the whole “kids thing” differ from yours might lead to serious anguish. One person will have to compromise, and living a life you don’t want can be heavy. - Have a thoughtful response for family inquiries. With less than a hundred days until Christmas, it’s as good a time as any to prepare yourself for the onslaught of questions from (well-meaning) relatives about your personal life, especially if you’re at the age where “you should be having kids”. Instead of feeling pressured to justify your choices, give them a polite yet firm response.
Consider saying something like, “Right now, I’m focused on my personal goals and the freedom that comes with my lifestyle.” Just communicate clearly and honestly. After all, it’s your life and celebrating the way you choose to live it is what truly matters.
