So two members of the LGBTQIA community (gay men Jojo Nones and Dode Cruz) are now accused of raping a heterosexual-identifying man. The story is actually quite specific: a young man, 23-year-old Sandro Muhlach, the son of former child star Niño Muhlach, alleged that he was lured into the room of two GMA executives (apparently “consultants”, the TV network announced when the coverage about this worsened), drugged while there, and then raped. Thankfully for him, he had an opportunity to escape. The aftermath included: the TV network taking longer time to respond than it should have when it heard the news; Muhlach’s family up in arms (rightfully); the executives and their supporters coming up with justifications; the victim’s trauma discussed in a Senate hearing; and yeah… Maritess Filipinos dissecting what happened as if they’re all part of the story.
One of the more interesting “justifications” I have read was the claim that there was “miscommunication” among those involved. Particularly, that the two gay men “thought” Muhlach was pa-booking, or is a straight-identifying man who engages in sexual contact with other men for something in return. In simpler terms, bayaran or someone who receives payment (in whatever form) for sex. Such men are not necessarily sex workers or kolboy, but… equating isn’t hard to make because of the sex-for-payment assumption.
That, for me, highlighted the gay and bisexual male communities’ inclination to justify what’s wrong to begin with. And this stressed to me many of the wrong things we’ve “normalized”, perhaps a reflection that we’re no different from misogynistic heterosexual people after all.
1. Rape is rape.
There is no going around this – i.e. when, sans consent, you force yourself on someone, or someone forces him/her/themselves on you, that’s rape. Period. Ayaw ka ng lalaki na bet mo (The man you desire does not want you), so you get him drunk so you can do what you want with him, that’s rape. You spike someone’s drink so he loses consciousness so you can play with his body, that’s rape. It doesn’t matter if – in this case – the man had an erection; that is an involuntary reflex, the dick’s reaction to titillation, and has nothing to do with wanting to have sex or not. So yeah… rape is rape.
2. Men can be – and do get – raped.
If you still believe na walang mawawala sa lalaki (men don’t lose anything) so they can’t be raped, truly… you’re an idiot. We keep playing with words tiptoeing around this, but that is the gist. You need to reconsider everything you know or think about if you think (and believe) only women can be raped.
3. Consent is paramount.
If a person says “No”, take that word for what it is. Hindi siya nagkukunwari para (He isn’t pretending just so) you can “persuade” him to change his mind. Ang totoo: Ayaw niya sa iyo, o makipagtalik sa iyo (The truth: He doesn’t want you, or want to have sex with you).
Consent can change at any point of contact. I can say yes to having sex with you while intoxicated… and then change my mind when I realize I did not, after all, want to have sex at all. Or I can say yes to having sex with you… and then change my mind even if we’re already doing the act because I do not agree with what you have in mind for us to do. Buod (Gist): When someone says “Stop”, do so.
And consent is not absolute. The men who performed in front of the camera of Vic Fabe agreed to the act, but not for their videos to be taken and then released to the public so Fabe could profit off them. Yes, yes, yes… this isn’t rape per se; but an abuse was committed all the same, and check for yourself how so many gay and bi men “reacted” to this (e.g. ordering the videos of the abused, asking Fabe to produce more, telling Fabe that he’s “lucky” because he was able to do what he did to those men, et cetera).
Back to the key point: Sans the consent of the partner/s, that’s rape.
4. Gay and bisexual men can be rapists… and too often, too.
Simple example: May kilala ka na nilamutak ang straight na lalaking kainuman Ninyo na nalasing at nawalan ng malay (Do you know a gay/bi person who had sex with a straight-identifying drink buddy who got so drunk he lost consciousness)? Pinigilan mo ba (Did you even stop it)?
5. Everyone, even the pa-booking, can say “NO!”.
That “excuse” used to defend what the two GMA executives did – i.e. that they thought Muhlach was pa-booking – left a bad taste to the mouth. So all people who sell sex for work lose their right to say “No”? Kapag hindi ka type kasi and ayaw makipagtalik sa iyo, tumigil ka (If someone doesn’t like you and want to have sex with you, stop already).
6. Those who find excuses are enablers. And are therefore promoting the abusers and the abuses.
Let’s repeat for emphasis: Don’t force yourself on someone, on anyone. When someone says no, that’s a NO. When you see someone raping another, stop the act. If you can’t stop it, call for someone who will. If it has not been stopped, support the victim. And never, EVER excuse what the abusers did, else you become worse than them for ending up supporting what even you know is wrong in the first place.
Muhlach’s case against Nones and Cruz will find its own ending soon enough (e.g. not just the senate show, but a court will eventually decide on this), and we can all only hope for the result/s to be what’s deserved by everyone involved. Meanwhile, let’s reconsider yung pananaw at pagkilos natin mismo (our ways of seeing and our actions themselves). Yung kulturang abusadong manyak that’s prevalent in the gay and bisexual communities, puwede ba, tigilan na (That culture of promoting abusive sex maniacs that’s prevalent in the gay and bi communities, can we put a stop to this already)?
