At the nadir, at the lowest point of his meth use, Mandaluyong-based Tan (pseudonym) recalled “desperate moves”, he said, “like licking drugs off already-empty sachets.” In his head, “I knew there was nothing left there, but I licked it clean anyway, as if – by magic – there’d be more there to keep my high.” This desperation “scared me.”
Another time, “I woke up (in his condo along EDSA) and… wala na ang electric fans ko.” After tracing back what happened, he realized that “the man I parteed with the night before actually complimented my fans… and I just gave them to him. ‘Dalhin mo kung gusto mo!’“
The “giving” happened again when another partee-mate complimented him on his “nice microwave.” “Nauubusan ako ng gamit; alam ko na hindi ko alam.”
That was, Tan said, when he knew he had to do something.
He stopped using; cold turkey followed, but he tried harder not to use.
And then Tan “discovered” that shifting his addiction of meth to something else worked.
“Grabe ang shopping ko for weeks after I stopped,” he said.
Then he realized, “mas malaki pa yata gastos ko than when I was using.”
Tan then shifted to clubbing. Religiously.
“I didn’t drink. At least not a lot. I didn’t smoke. At least most of the time. But being out there particularly on weekends made me avoid using meth on those weekends.”
Tan insisted that this transfer addiction (a.k.a. cross-addiction or addiction hopping, which is when someone substitutes one addiction for another) worked for him.
Science backs him, he stressed to me.
I had doubts, I told him; science hasn’t been clear on this (at least not yet). Besides, an addiction replacing an addiction is still an addiction.
Though his enthusiasm made me feel bad for even asking. At least he was doing something, I suppose.
I couldn’t help asking if clubbing is a good alternative to his meth use, considering that “triggers” to meth use may abound in that context – e.g. his partee-mates may be in the same club/s, the suppliers may be there, and so on.
“Yes, I see some of them there,” he admitted, adding that “the offer to partee has been given time and again.” But so far, he has been able to “just say no.”
Tan has been clean for months already, so he thinks what he’s doing is effective. I didn’t want to, will not question his results. It’s a case of “his addiction, his responses” for me. So long as he, himself, thinks it’s working for the better.
So I stay aware. About his struggle to stay clean. While being there, offering support when I can. Because most times for most of those who know someone who’s using, that’s really all that can be done…
