Connect with us

Hi, what are you looking for?


Partee-goers go through a process of addiction, fear of discovery, avoiding parteemates… and then repeat the cycle

If you’re involved with partee-goers, you’d notice this: they go through the cycle of using, be afraid to be discovered, distance themselves from partee-mates… and then repeat the cycle. It’s a challenge not only faced by partee-goers, but those who love them.

Photo by Gaspar Zaldo from

Last year, I “chatted” with two of my long-term partner’s partee-mates (the people he uses drugs with, so they can have sex for days). One was apologetic (e.g. that he didn’t know Tar, my partner, was in a relationship; and he didn’t know that Tar “suffered” because of their drug sessions, including the hospitalization, job loss, and so on). The other one was “quiet”; but he saw the messages I sent to him, and these even drove him away from some of his online accounts (like Telegram, Viber and LinkedIn).

But at least both left Tar alone.

At least until they didn’t.

I just found out that the one who didn’t respond has contacted Tar again; and that they have been having sessions again. This Ortigas-living engineer who works in Pasig.

It’s a cycle; for some, even a never-ending cycle.

And it’s a cycle those who love someone consumed by drugs have to live with, to deal with.

At times I actually think it’s “better” that I know who Tar partees with; at least there’s “safety” in knowing, right?

But addiction is addiction, and it still needs to be dealt with.

And apparently, not just by the partee-goers, but those around them, too (myself included). This is something I have to continuously process, too.

Besides… the partee-mates still “disappear” when shit happens. This one does, definitely. No word at all from him when Tar lost another job. Not even a sigh when Tar started fighting with family members (because of the “disappearances”). And his “solution” to Tar’s personal difficulties is “I have stocks, come over”.

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.

The wish is always for some awakening to happen. For this – or any – partee-related cycles to be broken. And yeah, the waiting continues…

Written By

Frolic Lopez - a pen name, quite apparently - used to be (predominantly) sapiosexual (that is, he used to predominantly find intelligence sexually attractive/arousing). But then... life happened, and he discovered that he should be more 'trysexual', more open to possibilities to experience everything life can offer. He now writes - and shares - about everything life throws his way.


Like Us On Facebook



For those in relationship with a partee goer, this is “common”/“usual”. When your partner nitpicks on just about everything, though more particularly things all...

Health & Wellness

Psychological aggression was the most common type of intimate partner violence within an LGB relationship (22.1%), followed by physical assault (10.8%) and IPV-related injury...


I don’t feel jealous with the drug-addicted partee mates of my partner; they’re a means to an end for him. But I am jealous...


This is something those in relationship with a partee-goer has to expect, even accept: that every time your partee-going lover slams, you are bound...