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10 Newbie tips to quickly get a BF

He may be new to the fast-changing gay scene, but Aaron Bonette already learned a thing or two about BF-hunting. He is now sharing some tips that could, hopefully, help BF-hunters finally find that guy they can call their own.

Some people are happy being alone – and that’s great. But then for many, having someone/the right “one” is a must. And for this to happen, figuring out how to get a guy isn’t a joke. Imagine seeing your freaking crush in a bar or wherever, and all you can do is just… stare at him hanggang sa matunaw because he seems so unattainable and hindi ma-reach. You’d end up miserable not knowing what to do.

But fear not – particularly the uninitiated in the dating game. Here are quick moves to get yourself that BF you oh-so-desire.

  1. Explore the world.

There are many venues to meet a future boyfriend. You can check bathhouses, go to parties… No matter the place, though, you have to be sensitive to the sexually charged stuffs – those glances, nods, smiles… Awra lang!

In my experience at least (and I must say I’m new to this and having fun learning the ropes), the “venues” have changed. There were the old cruisy places where you can meet guys (e.g. lurking in bathhouses and public restrooms, to checking out bars and parties); and there are now newer “venues” to do so (anonymous hookups for emotion-less robust sex from apps, anyone?).

But note that while the number of “venues” (and options) grew, our methods of picking up have not. And so exploring the world (whatever that “world” means to you) remains important.

I suggest you try attending significant events of our community. Yes, I’m talking of those parties where we can be dumb-as-fuck (because we just want to have sex); but I’m also thinking of more… “sensible” events, like Pride Marches or other events organized to benefit the LGBT community. Because while your possible BF may be hot and moneyed and all that if you attend those parties; you may find someone who is more aware of what our community is going through if you meet him through the more sensible events.

How sweet, di ba, if you find a BF who is one with you in the struggle for equal rights for all?

  1. Chat like crazy in all social networking sites – including “wholesome” sites like Facebook.

Don’t lie now, I know you have accounts in oh-so-many social networking sites – think of Grindr, Tinder, Moovs and Planetromeo that give us opportunities to make awra. But I also know you have accounts in FB, Instagram and Twitter, among others. By the way, maraming successful awra stories from the latter. So take your glorious time chatting with different guys there until you meet the one (or at least “someone”!). You know what they say: “We can never can tell!” So chat lang!

  1. Market yourself.

Looking for a boyfriend is like looking for a job. This means you have to figure out how to draw that guy you like through the way you present yourself. Don’t get me wrong now. This doesn’t mean that you act other than who you are. Instead, it means that you show the best sides of you. And so you need to learn the “art of selling yourself”. Post those sexy pics, I say!

p.s. Just don’t overdo it, please, as you want to be someone he could introduce to his mother and not just look like a porn star (unless that’s what you’re aiming for!).

  1. Spread your wings – i.e. actually take steps.

Move. If no one is knocking on your door, then go start knocking. Don’t wait for the right time to come – make the time right. And once you finally find a date, don’t stop there. Make BIG efforts to make him your boyfriend. G? So G na!

p.s. There may be times when you get intimidated by good looking men. Well, you need to overcome your “hot-guy-phobia.” If you can’t even approach him, then – my dear – he will never be yours!

  1. Don’t ask too many questions.

What you do for a living? What are your sexual fetishes? Where did you study? What do you want to be in the future? Will you be faithful to me? How many kids do you think we’ll have?

Questions after questions after questions – and you did not even have your first date yet!

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If someone likes you, and he isn’t shit ugly, I say GO FOR IT! Think of compatibility later; you just want someone with you; no one said anything about extremely high quality (LOL). You can ask all your questions after you settle down with your guy. Nothing is instant, you know; including finding the “one”. So let it grow… naturally; for now, just meet him/the “one” first.

  1. Beautify.

Stop pretending like the way he looks doesn’t matter to you. It works the other way, too – the way you look affects his way of seeing you. And so – after knowing what he is attracted to – try to take tiny efforts to attract him.

I’m not saying that you need to drastically change yourself because you want that guy to notice you. I’m saying that maybe you could try to make yourself presentable – for him, not just for you. Maybe get a cool haircut, get your long nails cut, and… consider changing your hair color from flaming red to just black for a change? Just dress to impress.

p.s. Just because you aren’t a drop dead diva doesn’t mean you don’t have a chance at love. The secret is in knowing your market.

  1. Compromise. We all can’t have Henry Cavill, Joe Manganiello or Matt Bomer.

Don’t hope that when you roam to streets, clubs or Pride Marches you’ll be able to meet “Mr. Perfect”. Life isn’t a romantic movie or a porn flick. Remember: Some super hot guys in Grindr aren’t even real – posers abound, you know!

Get rid of your lookist standards. Instead, be nice to whoever asks you out (or whoever you ask out). Hello, it’s just a date!

  1. Pay attention to the little things.

Not everything is as obvious as… a pimple growing at the tip of a nose. So many things remain hidden. So if you want to keep someone for a long(er) period of time, pay attention to little things – e.g. some of us are still in the closet even if we seem flamboyant to you, some of us haven’t been butt-fucked even if we act extremely sexually experienced, some of us aren’t wealthy even if we look well-off… Worse, we all don’t verbalize these, so that our partners need to figure things out for themselves. And it can only be done by paying attention to small details, small details, small details…

  1. Spend. Wear out your ATM card.

I’m trying to stay positive here: You will definitely meet him one day soon. But the search in itself isn’t “free”. You have to pay for your Internet connection, phone load, et cetera. Heck, when you find him already, you also have to spend to make him special by buying him cake for your weeksary. So learn to spend.

p.s. Don’t go overboard with spending, as you may cross that line from just spending because you need to, to becoming a “sponsor”. I’m not saying na huwag mo siyang i-date sa Starbucks on the first-date. Just be aware when you’re taking it too far.

  1. Be ready to have your heart broken.

Don’t be bitter. If it doesn’t work out, just find a new one. Naku, marami pang boys out there!

p.s. Learn to be sweet all the time. At least when it really matters (e.g. monthsary). But if he doesn’t return the favor/sweetness, turn over and get some sleep. Plan to get rid of him FAST. Don’t be desperate – people can smell “desperate” from 10,000 kilometers away.

I’m no expert in dating – YET. But I’m learning as I go. And these are some lessons I have learned so far. So I say that if you follow these simple moves, you will definitely be aided in getting a BF.

Now, tuloy ang awra!

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Written By

Aaron Bonette is a batang beki - a "cisgender gay man, if you will", he says. He established EU Bahaghari in Enverga University in Lucena, where he was one of the leaders to mainstream discussions of LGBT issues particularly among the youth. He is currently helping out LGBT community organizing, believing that it is when we work together that we are strongest ("Call me idealistic, I don't care!" he says). He writes for Outrage Magazine to provide the youth perspective - meaning, he tries to be serious even as he tries to "party, party, party", befitting his newbie status.


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