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Love Affairs

10 Newbie tips to quickly get a BF

He may be new to the fast-changing gay scene, but Aaron Bonette already learned a thing or two about BF-hunting. He is now sharing some tips that could, hopefully, help BF-hunters finally find that guy they can call their own.

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Some people are happy being alone – and that’s great. But then for many, having someone/the right “one” is a must. And for this to happen, figuring out how to get a guy isn’t a joke. Imagine seeing your freaking crush in a bar or wherever, and all you can do is just… stare at him hanggang sa matunaw because he seems so unattainable and hindi ma-reach. You’d end up miserable not knowing what to do.

But fear not – particularly the uninitiated in the dating game. Here are quick moves to get yourself that BF you oh-so-desire.

  1. Explore the world.

There are many venues to meet a future boyfriend. You can check bathhouses, go to parties… No matter the place, though, you have to be sensitive to the sexually charged stuffs – those glances, nods, smiles… Awra lang!

In my experience at least (and I must say I’m new to this and having fun learning the ropes), the “venues” have changed. There were the old cruisy places where you can meet guys (e.g. lurking in bathhouses and public restrooms, to checking out bars and parties); and there are now newer “venues” to do so (anonymous hookups for emotion-less robust sex from apps, anyone?).

But note that while the number of “venues” (and options) grew, our methods of picking up have not. And so exploring the world (whatever that “world” means to you) remains important.

I suggest you try attending significant events of our community. Yes, I’m talking of those parties where we can be dumb-as-fuck (because we just want to have sex); but I’m also thinking of more… “sensible” events, like Pride Marches or other events organized to benefit the LGBT community. Because while your possible BF may be hot and moneyed and all that if you attend those parties; you may find someone who is more aware of what our community is going through if you meet him through the more sensible events.

How sweet, di ba, if you find a BF who is one with you in the struggle for equal rights for all?

  1. Chat like crazy in all social networking sites – including “wholesome” sites like Facebook.

Don’t lie now, I know you have accounts in oh-so-many social networking sites – think of Grindr, Tinder, Moovs and Planetromeo that give us opportunities to make awra. But I also know you have accounts in FB, Instagram and Twitter, among others. By the way, maraming successful awra stories from the latter. So take your glorious time chatting with different guys there until you meet the one (or at least “someone”!). You know what they say: “We can never can tell!” So chat lang!

  1. Market yourself.

Looking for a boyfriend is like looking for a job. This means you have to figure out how to draw that guy you like through the way you present yourself. Don’t get me wrong now. This doesn’t mean that you act other than who you are. Instead, it means that you show the best sides of you. And so you need to learn the “art of selling yourself”. Post those sexy pics, I say!

p.s. Just don’t overdo it, please, as you want to be someone he could introduce to his mother and not just look like a porn star (unless that’s what you’re aiming for!).

  1. Spread your wings – i.e. actually take steps.

Move. If no one is knocking on your door, then go start knocking. Don’t wait for the right time to come – make the time right. And once you finally find a date, don’t stop there. Make BIG efforts to make him your boyfriend. G? So G na!

p.s. There may be times when you get intimidated by good looking men. Well, you need to overcome your “hot-guy-phobia.” If you can’t even approach him, then – my dear – he will never be yours!

  1. Don’t ask too many questions.

What you do for a living? What are your sexual fetishes? Where did you study? What do you want to be in the future? Will you be faithful to me? How many kids do you think we’ll have?

Questions after questions after questions – and you did not even have your first date yet!

If someone likes you, and he isn’t shit ugly, I say GO FOR IT! Think of compatibility later; you just want someone with you; no one said anything about extremely high quality (LOL). You can ask all your questions after you settle down with your guy. Nothing is instant, you know; including finding the “one”. So let it grow… naturally; for now, just meet him/the “one” first.

  1. Beautify.

Stop pretending like the way he looks doesn’t matter to you. It works the other way, too – the way you look affects his way of seeing you. And so – after knowing what he is attracted to – try to take tiny efforts to attract him.

I’m not saying that you need to drastically change yourself because you want that guy to notice you. I’m saying that maybe you could try to make yourself presentable – for him, not just for you. Maybe get a cool haircut, get your long nails cut, and… consider changing your hair color from flaming red to just black for a change? Just dress to impress.

p.s. Just because you aren’t a drop dead diva doesn’t mean you don’t have a chance at love. The secret is in knowing your market.

  1. Compromise. We all can’t have Henry Cavill, Joe Manganiello or Matt Bomer.

Don’t hope that when you roam to streets, clubs or Pride Marches you’ll be able to meet “Mr. Perfect”. Life isn’t a romantic movie or a porn flick. Remember: Some super hot guys in Grindr aren’t even real – posers abound, you know!

Get rid of your lookist standards. Instead, be nice to whoever asks you out (or whoever you ask out). Hello, it’s just a date!

  1. Pay attention to the little things.

Not everything is as obvious as… a pimple growing at the tip of a nose. So many things remain hidden. So if you want to keep someone for a long(er) period of time, pay attention to little things – e.g. some of us are still in the closet even if we seem flamboyant to you, some of us haven’t been butt-fucked even if we act extremely sexually experienced, some of us aren’t wealthy even if we look well-off… Worse, we all don’t verbalize these, so that our partners need to figure things out for themselves. And it can only be done by paying attention to small details, small details, small details…

  1. Spend. Wear out your ATM card.

I’m trying to stay positive here: You will definitely meet him one day soon. But the search in itself isn’t “free”. You have to pay for your Internet connection, phone load, et cetera. Heck, when you find him already, you also have to spend to make him special by buying him cake for your weeksary. So learn to spend.

p.s. Don’t go overboard with spending, as you may cross that line from just spending because you need to, to becoming a “sponsor”. I’m not saying na huwag mo siyang i-date sa Starbucks on the first-date. Just be aware when you’re taking it too far.

  1. Be ready to have your heart broken.

Don’t be bitter. If it doesn’t work out, just find a new one. Naku, marami pang boys out there!

p.s. Learn to be sweet all the time. At least when it really matters (e.g. monthsary). But if he doesn’t return the favor/sweetness, turn over and get some sleep. Plan to get rid of him FAST. Don’t be desperate – people can smell “desperate” from 10,000 kilometers away.

I’m no expert in dating – YET. But I’m learning as I go. And these are some lessons I have learned so far. So I say that if you follow these simple moves, you will definitely be aided in getting a BF.

Now, tuloy ang awra!

Aaron Bonette is a batang beki - a "cisgender gay man, if you will", he says. He established EU Bahaghari in Enverga University in Lucena, where he was one of the leaders to mainstream discussions of LGBT issues particularly among the youth. He is currently helping out LGBT community organizing, believing that it is when we work together that we are strongest ("Call me idealistic, I don't care!" he says). He writes for Outrage Magazine to provide the youth perspective - meaning, he tries to be serious even as he tries to "party, party, party", befitting his newbie status.

Love Affairs

Feeling frisky makes you see what you want to see

Sexual activation increased a participant’s romantic interest in the other participant, which, in turn, predicted perceiving the other as more interested in oneself. Having active sexual thoughts apparently arouses romantic interest in a prospective partner and encourages the adoption of an optimistic outlook on courting prospects with a partner.

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There’s something to rose-tinted glasses after all.

A group of psychologists at the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) Herzliya discovered that we see possible romantic partners as a lot more attractive if we have what the scientists call “a sexy mindset.” Under the same condition we also tend to overestimate our own chances of romantic success.

The researchers examined what would happen if a person’s sexual system is activated–think “feeling frisky”–by exposing test subjects to brief sexual cues that induced a “sexy mindset.” Such a mindset, the team found, reduced a person’s concerns about being rejected, while simultaneously inducing a sense of urgency to start a romantic relationship.

The US-Israeli team noticed that people often have overly optimistic views when it comes to a potential partner and their own chances of landing a date. Their latest research, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, sought to explain the biased perception. It’s precisely this bias, the team concluded, that may provide people with the necessary confidence to worry less about rejection and instead motivate them to take a leap of faith to pursue a desired romantic relationship without hesitation.

“If people anticipate that a partner shares their attraction, it is that much easier to initiate contact, because the fear of rejection is lessened,” said co-author Harry Reis, a professor of psychology and the Dean’s Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester.

“People are more likely to desire potential partners and to project their desires onto them when sexually aroused,” said lead author Gurit Birnbaum, a social psychologist and associate professor of psychology at the IDC. “Our findings suggest that the sexual system prepares the ground for forming relationships by biasing interpersonal perceptions in a way that motivates human beings to connect. Clearly the sexual system does so by inspiring interest in potential partners, which, in turn, biases the perceptions of a potential partner’s interest in oneself.”

Evolutionary principles at play

Having evolved over millennia, the sexual behavioral system of humans ensures reproduction and survival of the species by arousing sexual urges that motivate us to pursue mates. Success depends on targeting the right potential partners who are not only perceived as desirable but also as likely to reciprocate our advances. In previous studies the researchers found that people often refrain from courting desirable possible partners because they fear rejection.

“Forming stable sexual relationships had, and continues to have, a great deal of evolutionary significance,” said study Reis, also a professor of psychology and the Dean’s Professor in Arts, Sciences & Engineering at Rochester. “If people anticipate that a partner shares their attraction, it is that much easier to initiate contact, because the fear of rejection is lessened.”

He added: “One of the main purposes of sexual attraction is to motivate people to initiate relationships with potentially valuable, and valued, partners.”

Testing the effects of a sexy mindset

Across three experiments the team discovered that sexual activation helps people initiate relationships by inducing them to project their own desires onto prospective partners. In other words–you see what you want to see if you’ve been sexually primed.

To test the effects of a sexy mindset, the team exposed participants across three separate studies either to sexual (but not pornographic) stimuli or to neutral stimuli. Next, the participants encountered a potential partner and rated this partner’s attractiveness and romantic interest in them. Participants’ interest in the partner was self-reported or evaluated by raters.

Sexual activation increased a participant’s romantic interest in the other participant, which, in turn, predicted perceiving the other as more interested in oneself.

In the first study, 112 heterosexual participants, aged 20 to 32, who were not in a romantic relationship, were randomly paired with an unacquainted participant of the other sex. First, participants introduced themselves to each other by talking about their hobbies, positive traits, and future career plans while being videotaped. Then the team coded the videotaped introductions for nonverbal expressions of so-called immediacy behavior–such as close physical proximity, frequent eye contact, and flashing smiles–that indicates interest in initiating romantic relationships. They discovered that those participants exposed to a sexual stimulus (versus those exposed to the neutral stimulus) exhibited more immediacy behaviors toward potential partners and perceived the partners as more attractive and interested in them.

For the second study, 150 heterosexual participants, aged 19 to 30, who were not in a romantic relationship, served as a control for the potential partner’s attractiveness and reactions. Here, all participants watched the same prerecorded video introduction of a potential partner of the other sex and then introduced themselves to the partner while being videotaped. The team coded the videotapes for attempts to induce a favorable impression. Just as in the first study, the researchers found that activation of the sexual system led participants to perceive potential partners as more attractive as well as more interested in a romantic relationship.

In the third study, the team investigated whether a participant’s romantic interest in the other participant might explain why sexual activation affects perceptions of others’ romantic interest in oneself. Here, 120 heterosexual participants, aged 21 to 31, who were not in a romantic relationship, interacted online with another participant, who in reality was an attractive opposite-sex member of the research team, in a get-to-know-each-other conversation. The participants rated their romantic interest in the other person as well as that person’s attractiveness and interest in them.

The researchers found again that sexual activation increased a participant’s romantic interest in the other participant, which, in turn, predicted perceiving the other as more interested in oneself. Having active sexual thoughts apparently arouses romantic interest in a prospective partner and encourages the adoption of an optimistic outlook on courting prospects with a partner, concluded the researchers.

“Sexual feelings do more than just motivate us to seek out partners. It also leads us to project our feelings onto the other person,” said Reis. “One important finding of the study is that the sexual feelings need not come from the other person; they can be aroused in any number of ways that have nothing to do with the other person.”

Yet, there’s also the obvious possible pitfall: when sexual feelings are present, people tend to assume that the other person shares their attraction, whether warranted or not, notes Reis. “Or you end up kissing a lot of frogs,” said Birnbaum, “because a sexy mood makes you mistake them for princes.”

Having active sexual thoughts apparently arouses romantic interest in a prospective partner and encourages the adoption of an optimistic outlook on courting prospects with a partner.

Birnbaum and Reis spent the last few decades studying the dynamics of human sexual attraction. In a 2019 study, the duo found that when people feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest, they will put more effort into seeing that person again. Furthermore, people will rate the possible date as more sexually attractive than they would if they were less certain about the prospective date’s romantic intentions.

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Love Affairs

New study explores if flirting is real and shows it can work

Although flirting is mentioned a lot in the general media, and examples are everywhere, there is relatively little scientific work on the topic of flirting, its underlying mechanisms and function.

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Photo by Dede Avez from Pexels.com

“She was totally flirting with you,” my friend told me after the hosts left our table.

“No, she wasn’t. She was just being polite,” said another friend.

Misunderstandings about flirting can potentially result in awkwardness or even accusations of sexual harassment. How can we figure out what other people mean when they smile at us? Is there a unique, identifiable facial expression representing flirting — and if there is, what does it convey, and how effective is it?

Although flirting is mentioned a lot in the general media, and examples are everywhere, there is relatively little scientific work on the topic of flirting, its underlying mechanisms and function.

Now, a new paper by researchers based at the University of Kansas has been published in the Journal of Sex Research examining if flirting has a particular facial cue effectively used by women to indicate interest in a man.

“There are very few scientific articles out there that have systematically studied this well-known phenomenon,” said Omri Gillath, professor of psychology at KU, who co-wrote the paper. “None of these studies have identified the flirting facial expression and tested its effects.”

Gillath’s collaborators were lead author Parnia Haj-Mohamadi, a doctoral student in psychology at KU, and Erika Rosenberg of the University of California-Davis.

The researchers found internal states — such as being romantically or sexually interested in someone — can be conveyed to others nonverbally through facial expression.

In other words — flirting works.

Some women are more effective than others in effectively conveying a flirtatious facial cue, while some men are better at recognizing this cue. Beyond these individual differences, a few expressions were identified by most (if not all) men as flirting.

“Across our six studies, we found most men were able to recognize a certain female facial expression as representing flirting,” Gillath said. “It has a unique morphology, and it’s different from expressions that have similar features — for example, smiling — but aren’t identified by men as flirting expression.”

In the studies, women — some professional actresses and some volunteers from the community — were asked either to spontaneously pose a flirting expression (similar to what they’d use at a bar to get attention from a potential mate) or to follow instructions based on existing anthropological literature for what researchers define as flirting.

The team found some women are more effective than others in effectively conveying a flirtatious facial cue, while some men are better at recognizing this cue. Beyond these individual differences, a few expressions were identified by most (if not all) men as flirting.

The researchers used the Facial Action Coding System (FACS) to classify the morphology of highly recognized flirtatious facial expressions. The coding showed the most effective flirting cues include a head turned to one side and tilted down slightly, a slight smile, and eyes turned forward toward the implied target.

After identifying these most recognized expressions of flirting, the researchers used them in experimental studies.

“Our findings support the role of flirtatious expression in communication and mating initiation,” Gillath said. “For the first time, not only were we able to isolate and identify the expressions that represent flirting, but we were also able to reveal their function — to activate associations related with relationships and sex.”

The new paper puts flirting in the same category as other well-studied emotions and provides researchers with tools to further study the functions of flirting. It can also give sometimes-clueless men, like the one in the example above, a more concrete way to figure out if a woman is truly flirting.

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Love Affairs

5 Top tips for a fantastic anniversary with your partner

From thinking of the small details to planning a grand gesture, here are some top tips to ensure that both you and your partner have an enjoyable anniversary that will rival your big day itself.

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Whether you love the thought of celebrating your anniversary or are dreading the attention, there are many ways that you can enjoy your special day and ensure that it is an unforgettable occasion. From thinking of the small details to planning a grand gesture, here are some top tips to ensure that both you and your partner have an enjoyable anniversary that will rival your big day itself. 

1. Get Your Loved One a Romantic Gift 

Gift-giving can be difficult at the best of times, especially if you feel that you are running out of unique presents to give your partner between birthdays and the holiday season. When you are planning your anniversary gift, it is the thought that counts rather than the price tag, and some of the best presents are those that can keep the romance going on your anniversary and beyond. For instance, Scent Magic offers a cologne subscription box that can make your partner feel loved every month of the year, and that can spruce up your date nights. You should also pair this gift with a beautiful card that contains a personal message affirming your love for them and your hopes for the future.

2. Choose a Romantic Anniversary Event 

Whether you are planning a big do or are simply trying to find a personal way to say, ‘thank you’, finding a celebration that is perfect for your relationship is important. One of the best ideas is returning to the place that you first met, trying something different, or traveling to a location, such as a restaurant or a bar, that you both loves. If you want to travel further afield to enjoy your anniversary away from the chaos of everyday life, why not plan to go on a vacation for your special occasion? Taking some time off work to spend together can help to cement your love and can allow you to remember what you originally saw in one another.

3. Celebrate with Family and Friends 

However, family and friends are an integral part of your relationship, and even the strongest couple will have needed their support throughout their partnership. Then, if possible, you should try to get your family and friends involved and show them that they are appreciated. You can do this by planning an anniversary party with an extensive guest list, or even just by hosting a meal at your favorite restaurant. 

4. Consider Staying In 

For all the fireworks and splashy, Instagram-worthy events that many couples decide upon, there is also something special about staying in for your anniversary and spending your day in absolute comfort. There is no reason why staying in cannot be perfect, though, and re-watching your wedding video or even cooking a candle-lit dinner can help to make the occasion stand out. 

5. Discuss the Occasion with Your Partner

Whatever you do, it is paramount that you can discuss the occasion with your partner. There is no point in simply planning something that you will enjoy or deciding to throw them a huge surprise if they are not likely to enjoy it. Then, you must sit down before your big day and discuss what you would both like to do for your anniversary until you reach a compromise that suits both of you.

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Lifestyle & Culture

How to choose a dating site that works for you

There are hundreds of sites to choose from and millions of people using them from all around the world. So, how do you choose the right dating site for you?

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Online dating can be a really easy and fun way to meet new singles and put yourself in with a chance of finding a great relationship. Today, online dating is one of the most popular ways to meet somebody new, and every year thousands of partners meet online. Whatever kind of relationship you’re looking for and no matter what stage you’re at in your life, online dating can be a great way to find what you want. However, online dating can also be quite overwhelming.

There are hundreds of sites to choose from and millions of people using them from all around the world. So, how do you choose the right dating site for you?

Be Clear on What You’re Looking For

Knowing what you’re looking for in a relationship before you get started will make it easier for you to find the right dating site for your needs. If you’re not sure what you want, this #1 trusted dating site in San Jose ticks all the boxes and offers a wide range of features to suit everybody. Whether you’re looking for a casual fling or want to eventually get married, find a site that caters to those needs and is likely to attract people who are looking for the same thing as you are. 

Consider Your Location

It’s a good idea to consider your area when choosing a dating site. The last thing that you want is to end up signing up to and potentially paying for a site that isn’t very popular with singles in your area. If you’re not sure then it’s a good idea to sign up to a site that’s popular in many different areas so that you can be sure you will meet local singles. You can sign up for Meetville here: https://meetville.com/catalog/us/ca/95631/woman

Check the Reputation

Don’t waste your money on a dating site that doesn’t have a good reputation. Before choosing the right site for you, take some time to research your options and find one that is well-known for bringing successful couples together. There are some other important considerations to make, too, such as the level of security on the site and how seriously any untoward messages or abuse towards members is taken. 

Try it Out

The good news is that many good dating sites and apps offer a free version or a limited free trial that you can take advantage of before you decide to commit to paying. Sign up for as many free trials as you can find so that you’ve got a good chance of finding a site or a couple of sites that work better for you than others. Remember, if you find a few different dating sites that you like there’s nothing wrong with using a few different once at the same time to get even more matches. 

The world of online dating can be a fun way to meet new people when you’re single and potentially find your perfect partner. Keep these tips in mind and find a dating site that works well for you. 

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Love Affairs

Interesting things to know about open relationships

Open relationships are becoming commonplace that even the elite in the entertainment business are opening up to what they believe in. Whatever makes the other party happy, that’s what we’ll roll with. That has been the motto of modern relationships.

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Gone are the days when everyone believed that relationships were between males and females. Well, you can thank the traditional upbringing for that. Today, you have relationships that to a naive eye, can seem kind of weird. But let’s face it, it’s not about what they think about you but it has everything to do with what makes you happy. You have all these types of relationships and to be honest, there has never been a better time like this day and age where you’ll never have to hide your sexuality. 

Open relationships are becoming commonplace that even the elite in the entertainment business are opening up to what they believe in. Whatever makes the other party happy, that’s what we’ll roll with. That has been the motto of modern relationships. 

What’s An Open Relationship

Whether you are gaslighting or bread crumbing, an open relationship could open you up to possibilities that you’ve never experienced before. But then again, you’ll still want to be careful about your safety by using protection whenever you are engaging in sexual activities with strange characters. 

An open relationship is one where a couple mutually agrees to involve and engage with other partners either sexually and/or romantically. Some of the reasons to get involved in an open relationship include:

  • Unparalleled libidos between you and your partner
  • The desire to have more sex
  • Exploring sexual fantasies
  • There’s lots of love to go around 

Enough said, here are interesting things that you need to know about an open relationship. They include: 

1. More Spice In Your Love Life 

Do you desire more intimacy, love, romance, and more orgasms? This shouldn’t be a question but a confirmation of what your love needs to be like. Unfortunately, the intimacy in your bedroom can become stale due to dwindling sex drive, time, or the fact that you’ve grown out of love with your partner. It’s time to get back your intimacy and spice your once romantic relationship by getting a partner with whom you can break that boredom. Having another partner can help you – as a couple – act out all those cuckold fantasies that you’ve always locked deep inside.

An open relationship could be the gateway through which you can revamp your sex life. But as earlier mentioned, ensure that you practice safe sexual interactions and it’s also wise to mention this to your partner. 

2. Honesty And Open-mindedness

Just like in any other relationship, honesty is an important pillar to help strengthen and grow your relationship. You should be honest with your partner – the one you are in a relationship with – especially before you decide to introduce the element of an open relationship. To avoid the aspect of cheating and ruin your existing bond, communicate early enough with your partner, and present them with all the info you might think is necessary. Equally, be open-minded if they don’t share your enthusiasm or your line of thinking. After all, open relationships aren’t for everyone.

3. It’s Not The Solution

An open relationship has its many perks such as spicing up your relationship, sharing love, and helping in communication. Be it as it may, an open relationship is not the solution to the many issues ailing your relationship. Spicing up your marriage by bringing in the extra partner will only spice things up but this should not be used to correct all those mistakes from the past. Instead, you may consider going to sex therapy or talk it out with your partner to get things straightened out. 

4. Get Ready To Be Jealous

Jealousy and fear are all-natural and understandable human emotions. On date nights, your partner could be going on a date that can probably end up in hot steamy sessions of lovemaking in the shower. It’s okay for you to be jealous of them. But then again, think of them having fun. The best thing is to communicate your feelings openly before they get the best of you. 

An open relationship can be great when done right. While you are at it, its imperative to always practice safe sex to prevent and protect yourself and your partner from infections and unwanted pregnancies. If you think you are up for it, have a sit down with your partner and come up with ground rules. It’s about time you brought your sexy back!

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Love Affairs

Small towns have highest risk of intimate partner violence

“We tend to think in a continuum from urban to suburban to rural, but for intimate partner violence, it’s actually the suburban areas that are the safest, and small towns that have the highest risk.”

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Photo by Sydney Sims from Unsplash.com

Despite common perceptions that big cities have more violence, women living in small towns are most at risk of violence from current or former spouses and partners, according to a recent study by Washington State University criminologist Kathryn DuBois.

For the study, published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence, DuBois analyzed the responses of more than 570,000 women from the National Crime Victimization Survey from 1994 to 2015. She found that women from small towns were 27% more likely to be victims of intimate partner violence (IPV) than women from the center of big cities and 42% more likely than suburban women.

“In criminology, we often have this urban bias. We assume big cities are the worst and paint other places as idyllic,” said DuBois, associate professor at WSU Vancouver. “We tend to think in a continuum from urban to suburban to rural, but for intimate partner violence, it’s actually the suburban areas that are the safest, and small towns that have the highest risk.”

The National Crime Victimization Survey collects information through a large sample of interviews about a range of personal crimes committed every year. Part of the intent of the survey is to uncover the “dark figure” of crime, DuBois said, those crimes that may not be reported to police.

While the survey defines many locations as simply urban or rural, DuBois analyzed the data by population density to delineate urban, suburban, small town and rural areas. Small towns were defined as urbanized portions of non-metropolitan counties with populations up to 50,000. They are distinct from suburban areas that exist just outside of big cities.

“Many surveys assume that everyone in those nonmetropolitan counties are the same, but there’s a lot more heterogeneity across them,” Dubois said.

DuBois originally undertook the study to try and reconcile the inconsistency between national surveys, which typically find rural areas have less or similar rates of IPV to urban areas – and ethnographic research, in-depth qualitative studies that have indicated that rural isolation can exacerbate gender-based violence.

Many community members held the view that relationships between LGBTQIA people could avoid the inherent sexism and patriarchal values of heterosexual, cisgender relationships, and, by implication, avoid DFV/IPV.

While the study data cannot reveal the reasons behind the violence, the finding about the high rate of IPV in small towns indicates that there may be a different set of factors at play, DuBois said.

“Small towns have populations large enough to have the difficult problems of a big city, while at the same time these are some of the hardest hit areas economically, so they don’t have specialized services and policing needed to deal with family violence,” DuBois said.

IPV is also a big issue in the LGBTQIA community, even if this doesn’t particularly get as much attention.

In June 2020, for instance, a study found that domestic and family violence (DFV) and IPV were perceived by community members and professional stakeholders to be a “heterosexual issue that did not easily apply to LGBTQIA relationships.” In particular, many community members held the view that relationships between LGBTQIA people could avoid the inherent sexism and patriarchal values of heterosexual, cisgender relationships, and, by implication, avoid DFV/IPV.

Earlier, in July 2018, another study noted that abuse among gay couples stems from stress factors that also apply to heterosexual couples, such as money issues, unemployment, and drug abuse. However, gay couples are said to face additional stress from internalized homophobia, which may also contribute to IPV.

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