I have not seen Tar for four weeks now. We chatted regularly, though only online. Here’s the thing, though: While we did not physically catch up for a month, he spent a week/seven days in that same month with his partee-mates. He did not visit me; but he attended partees for two weekends, the number of days totaling to seven days.
And this is another lesson that everyone who is in a relationship with a drug user needs to realize (and accept, if you choose to stay in the relationship): there are times (in fact, too many of them) when he will spend more time with those drug addicts than he will with you.
There are reasons (or excuses, as is often the case) for this admittedly sad arrangement.
At first it was because we were both preoccupied – e.g. I had urgent tasks to finish, his work schedule changed, and so on. So the supposed weekly meeting was rescheduled… and rescheduled… and rescheduled.
But then the partee-mates messaged him at those times we didn’t catch up.
So when an opening in his schedule surfaced, I became the casualty; our catching up was, yet again, not prioritized. Meth was a bigger lure; that he’d end up fucking another (and another, and another) guy was an add-on, a seeming necessity to fully enjoy the effects of drugs.
So we’re back to the cycle. Of him spending more time with people who abuse him. Of him lying to cover up the fact that he’s with them. Of him fearing that his sneaking off to be with the partee-mates will be discovered (by me or by his immediate family). Of anxieties and insecurities plaguing him for days after the sessions. Of his self-doubts (e.g. that he doesn’t deserve to be loved because of the drug use, and so on). And so on, and so forth.
I have made my choice to stay with Tar.
So I choose to live with this.
Bearing the pain and all.
Because when you choose to love a drug addict, know this: There will be times when you won’t see him for days or weeks or months. But the people who abuse him get to be with him, continue abusing him, enjoy him for themselves. A cross to bear… until the loved one, hopefully, realizes for himself the need to make amends.
