Friendship is essential to well-being. Friends bring joy, a sense of acceptance, belonging and support in times of need. And for queer people, finding others who share the same identity can build connection support and solidarity, leading to feelings of validation and acceptance that are difficult to receive from those who do not identify as queer. These communities often serve as familial networks and sometimes as a proxy for traditional family connections for queer people who are distanced from their family.
This is according to a study, “What Difference Does a Queer Friend Make? Exploring Familial-Related Benefits Across Friendship Types”, that was published in the journal LGBTQ+ Family.
The study found that people with at least one friend of the same sexual identity (e.g. both bisexual) reported greater life satisfaction and less loneliness on average, while queer people with a friend of a similar sexual identity (e.g. a bisexual woman and a gay man) also reported great life satisfaction, but higher loneliness.
The findings were based on data collected by the American Friendship Project, a multiyear, nationally representative study on the state of friendship in America.
“Queer people’s well-being can profit from friendships with other queer people,” said Brooke Wolfe, one of the study’s authors. “However, what may need further exploration is how similarity in friendship can also be linked to negative outcomes.”
Wolfe said one of the reasons queer people might simultaneously report greater feelings of loneliness and positive well-being is geographic location: More than half of US adults live geographically separate from their friends.
“While having queer friends as a queer person can improve well-being, it can also serve as a reminder of distance and missed opportunities for in-person interaction,” Wolfe said.
Another potential explanation lies in the broader experience of having a marginalized identity. Although friendships with similar others might enhance general life satisfaction for queer people, these relationships might also bring a heightened awareness of isolation from a society where being straight is considered the default.
“Being uniquely understood by friends is a gift, yet this benefit prompts queer people to notice areas of their life in which they are not authentically embraced and supported,” Wolfe said.
Wolfe notes that queer people still experience systemic discrimination and exclusion from others, despite legal protections criminalizing discrimination based on sexual identity.
“While shared identity friendships can be beneficial, the broader political context of marginalization could prompt queer people to feel disconnected from a much larger community that varies in acceptance of their existence,” Wolfe said.
Wolfe said queer friendships can simultaneously provide benefits and disadvantages for well-being. She notes, however, that study participants with a friend of the same or similar identity reported greater connection to those without such a friend, emphasizing the importance of same or similar friendships among queer people.
“The notion of building community with similar others remains key for queer people and their sense of belonging,” Wolfe said.
