Why do some gay men feel more attractive or noticed when they travel, especially on apps like Grindr? New research suggests it is not just confidence or a change of scenery. It is about how being in a new place changes how others see you.
A study led by Dr Oliver Qiu of the University of East London, finds that desirability can shift from place to place and across digital platforms, with men who feel overlooked at home sometimes receiving more attention abroad simply because they are new, unfamiliar, or read differently in that setting.
Feeling seen – but only for a moment
Drawing on interviews with queer men of color, the research shows that moving across borders can quickly change how people are treated. Being “new” can bring a surge of attention, messages and interest.
But this boost is often short-lived. As people become familiar, the attention fades. What feels like a change in confidence is often tied to novelty rather than something lasting.
Not all attention is equal
The study, involving research from the University of Surrey, also highlights that this visibility is shaped by race, nationality, body type and local culture. Queer men of colour may be noticed more, but not always for who they are.
In some cases, participants felt wanted and valued. In others, they felt reduced to stereotypes, objectified, or ignored altogether. The same person could be seen very differently depending on where they were.
Digital intimacy expert Dr Qiu, of the Royal Docks School of Business and Law, said, “Travel isn’t just about seeing new places – it’s about being seen differently. For many people, that can feel validating, but it also shows how much recognition depends on context.”
What this means
The research introduces the idea of “volatile desirability” – the idea that attraction and attention are not fixed, but change depending on where you are and how digital platforms shape visibility.
Rather than simply offering freedom, travel can highlight how uneven these experiences are. It can bring moments of recognition, but also reveal deeper patterns of inequality in who gets seen and valued.
Dr Qiu said, “Desirability isn’t stable. It shifts depending on where you are, who is around you, and how platforms organise visibility. The next step is understanding how we create spaces where people are valued beyond stereotypes.”
Volatile desirability in tourism: A multi-method intersectional analysis was published in the Annals of Tourism Research.
