“Di mo ako pinigilan (You didn’t stop me).”
This has been a frequently-stated reklamo/complaint (and, in a way, call for help) of my partner, Tar, after he gives in to partee sessions. That is: since I know of his “weakness” to using meth, tina, shabu, et cetera, then I should have stopped him daw from heading out/joining partee n play, PNP, chemsex, et cetera.
In a way he’s right. Part of our duties as loved ones of those who use drugs is to help them get better (whatever your definition of “better” may be)… and this includes keeping them away from harm.
The issue is: how can I stop him from going out when he only talks to me after he already partee-d?
But this is something that those who love a drug user need to accept: there will be times when the blame on the drug use will be placed on you. As if you could have prevented it from happening, when you are lied to, in the first place, since they keep you in the dark most of the time anyway.
The responsibility over the drug use is shifted on you through denial/rejection of ownership of the action.
But this blame-shifting will (still) affect you, making you feel shitty for not doing enough… even if you know you can’t. Whether that’s the desired effect by the drug-using loved one is irrelevant; you’d still feel bad anyway.
But yeah… the choice was always clear naman: leave… or stay and put up with this (even if it just keeps happening). And I chose (continue to choose) to stay. And for those like me… at least know what you’re getting yourself into.
