The death of a loved one is always difficult, but it can be especially challenging when children are involved. As a parent or caregiver, supporting children through grief while also dealing with your own is a delicate balancing act. However, there are things you can do to help children cope in healthy ways.
With care and compassion, you can guide them through their grief and come out the other side stronger.
Communicating Openly and Honestly
When someone close to the family dies, it is important not to hide it from children. Be open and honest in an age-appropriate way. Use simple, clear language to explain what has happened. Avoid euphemisms like “passed away” as this can confuse young children. Validate their feelings and let them know it’s normal to feel sad, angry, confused etc. Keep reminding them it’s not their fault and they are still loved.
Encourage them to ask questions and answer honestly. Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know” if you can’t answer something. Ongoing open communication reassures kids that they can always talk to you.
Maintaining Routines
Keeping familiar routines can provide children comfort during the upheaval of grief. As much as possible, stick to regular mealtimes, bedtimes, school drop-offs etc. However, some flexibility is important as everyone’s grief process is different. Don’t force children to follow rigid routines if they are really struggling.
It can also help to proactively prepare kids for any upcoming changes in routine. For example, explain that holidays might be a bit different this year without Grandma’s special dinner. Give them time to process the change. Maintaining routines provides stability, while being flexible validates their feelings.
Encouraging Memory Making
Making memories can be an important part of grieving and honouring lost loved ones. Let children know it’s okay to talk about happy memories of the person who died. Looking at photos together and sharing special stories reinforces that the person still matters.
Crafts like memory boxes or memory books also help kids express emotions. Let them choose special items or make artwork representing the person to add to these keepsakes. If you are thinking of becoming a foster carer, for example, compiling a lifebook for the child that celebrates people and events in their life can be meaningful.
You can also establish new rituals to honour the deceased. Visiting the grave, planting a tree, releasing balloons or lighting candles on anniversaries are all simple ways to remember someone while making new memories together.
Being Available for Emotional Support
Grieving children need lots of love, patience and reassurance. Be available to provide comfort through listening, hugging and just being present. Don’t be afraid to show your own emotions too. Expressing grief together builds a supportive connection.
At the same time, give kids space when they need alone time. Watch for changes in behaviour that might indicate when extra support is needed, like clinginess, anger or regression. Keep communicating that you are always there for them when they are ready to talk or be close.
Accepting All Emotions
Allow children to express their grief emotions without judgement. Sadness, anger, confusion, anxiety, guilt and relief are all normal responses. Avoid telling them not to cry or feel a certain way. Validate that what they are feeling makes sense given the loss.
Let them release emotions through play or creative arts if they don’t want to talk. Children express themselves differently than adults. Staying patient and accepting makes them feel safe being vulnerable. Bottling up emotions can lead to bigger struggles down the road.
Accessing Additional Support
Don’t be afraid to enlist outside support if needed. Look into grief counselling or support groups for the whole family or kids specifically. These provide a space to process emotions and learn coping skills. Schools often have counsellors or psychologists who can support grieving students.
Faith communities like churches and mosques can provide spiritual guidance when religion is important to the family. There are also excellent books on grief to read with kids. And take care of yourself too, so you can support your children. You don’t have to navigate grief alone.
Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but especially for children who are still developing emotionally. With compassion, honesty and routine, parents can guide kids through grief in a gradual, age-appropriate way. Making memories, expressing all emotions and utilising support networks all help children process a major loss. Most importantly, just being fully present and available reassures kids they are not alone in their grief. With time and support, families can emerge stronger than before.
