By Rev. Joseph San Jose
Pastor, Open Table-MCC, an LGBTQIA+ affirming church
Pride has always been a process and journey of loving one’s self completely and fully with the realization that God loves you unconditionally. It means coming to terms with who you are as a whole person and accepting the many parts of your humanity. Accepting fully those parts of you that others reject and condemn but at the same time not allowing yourself to be defined or limited by those same parts of yourself that you need accepting. You are more than just your SOGIESC.
As Dr. Brene Brown puts it, “belonging to yourself completely so that you may belong with others.” Self love is also appreciating not only your gifts but also your limitations while always affirming that you are enough; that you are worthy and valid.
Self love also means finding the confidence and courage to live and to love as you truly are. It is allowing yourself to experience pleasure and intimacy even at the risk of judgement and condemnation. Self love is seeking worthy connections and relationships that nourish you, guide you, and also hold you accountable.
Yes, there is accountability in self love. We love ourselves but not at the expence of hurting others. But when we do, our love of self must be able to hold us to account. Self love knows when to say sorry and mean it. Self love is allowing yourself to fail and fall in pursuit of happiness and meaning. Self love is forgiving yourself and others. Self Love also means healing and growing into the better and best version of one’s self. It is knowing that you will not always be the same person or in the same place. A Hindu mystic declared that each of us is a human potential. You are an ever evolving, ever growing, and always unfolding human potential grounded in the core of all existence, Love.
Self love is practicing kindness to yourself as many times as you can for only in doing so can you also practice kindness to others. Another mystic said long ago, “if you love yourself, you will love others. If you hate yourself, you will hate others. In Relationship with others, it is only you, mirrored.”
Self love is about setting up boundaries that ensures no one will abuse you or at least mitigate and lessen such incidences. Self love means standing up for yourself and not allowing anyone to mistreat you, abuse you or manipulate you. It is finding your voice and courage to say the words, “No. Stop. Fuck off.” But also committing to live by your own boundaries and values. Self love also discerns which battles to engage and which ones are not worth your time and energy.
Self love is being grateful for all of your experiences of joy and of pain, failure and success, and using them to inspire and serve our queer siblings. Self love is realizing the beauty that is uniquely yours and finding joy in the person that you are; enjoying your own being and with the fullness of love within you equally see and celebrate the beauty of others.
Finally, self love is marked by a sense of peace and calmness that no matter what happens, and no matter where you go, you are a force of love that can never be denied or buried. You will always rise from closets, boxes, and tombs that this world tries to hide you in. Pride is love, the love that comes from within and keeps on resurrecting ; the love that continues to become flesh as YOU.
