Truth hurts, yes. But in relationships, in the long run, expressed and perceived honesty has several positive effects.
This is according to a study — “Expressed and Perceived Honesty Benefits Relationships Even When Couples Are Not Accurate” by Bonnie M. Le, Princeton X. Chee, Claire J. Shimshock and Jenny D.V. Le — that appeared in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.
For this study, the researchers tapped over 200 couples to look at the role of honesty in romantic relationships. In particular, the study, based on face-to-face conversations between romantic partners in a lab setting, examined the effects of expressing honesty, perceiving honesty, and accurately discerning honesty among romantic partners who shared so-called relationship-threatening information.
The key finding? Just tell the truth.
“Of course, most of us value honesty in our close relationships, romantic or not. Honesty can help create a connection and foster closeness; yet it can also hurt our partners when we share potentially threatening information, such as, ‘I really dislike when you do x,’ or, ‘I wish you’d do y instead.’ But, in the long run, expressed and perceived honesty has several positive effects,” stated the researchers.
“We found that being more honest in expressing a desired change predicted greater personal and relationship well-being for both partners, as well as greater partner motivation to change in the moment,” said Le. “The same pattern emerged when the person receiving a request to change perceived honesty in their partner, regardless of whether their partner was being honest or not.”
The researchers found that even if partners in a relationship don’t perfectly understand or accurately perceive each other’s honesty, the simple act of expressing honesty and being perceived as honest by the other partner has a positive effect on the relationship and contributes to its overall well-being. Essentially, the effort to be truthful matters more than flawless accuracy in its perception.
“These results collectively suggest that being honest and seeing honesty in a partner can benefit relationships,” said Le. “Even when the truth may hurt.”
One caveat: These findings are based on a sample of couples in relatively good relationships, according to Le. Future research might look at whether the same pattern holds true for distressed couples.
