This is part of #KaraniwangLGBTQIA, which Outrage Magazine officially launched on July 26, 2015 to offer vignettes of LGBT people/living, particularly in the Philippines, to give so-called “everyday people” – in this case, the common LGBTQIA people – that chance to share their stories.
As Outrage Magazine editor Michael David C. Tan says: “All our stories are valid – not just the stories of the ‘big shots’. And it’s high time we start telling all our stories.”
Kiel was assigned female at birth, but while growing up, he knew he was different. “May kapatid kasi akong babae. Sabi ko, ‘Bakit ako, wala pa akong ganyan? Bakit ikaw ganyan eh parehas naman tayo?’ (I have a sister. I told her, ‘Why don’t I have what you have? Why do you have something I don’t even if we’re supposed to be the same?).”
Too bad for Kiel, neither of his parents could expound on his condition, too. “Hindi rin alam ng parents ko na may ganun palang case kasi never naman ako nagpa-check-up. Wala lang sila sinabi. Hindi rin nila alam (My parents also didn’t know about my case because I was never checked. They just didn’t say anything. They also didn’t have knowledge).”
A ‘DIFFERENT’ BODY
Even then, though, Kiel said he identified as male. “Hindi ko naisip na lesbian ako. Kasi nakita ko yung parts ng katawan ko, iba nga, hindi siya pambabae, hindi rin siya panglalaki. Naisip ko lang iba siguro ako (I didn’t see myself as a lesbian. Because I saw parts of my body that were different, neither for female nor for male. So I just thought that perhaps I’m different).”
He was, in a way, fortunate since his parents always protected him. For instance, when he was expected to wear clothes usually worn by women, his parents talked to school officials to give him special consideration and be allowed to wear male clothing. And another time, when a teacher tried to force him to strip so she can physically check him to see for herself his intersex variation, his parents moved him to another school.
But this latter also became a common thing for Kiel – i.e. when people discovered his condition, his family almost always moved elsewhere, where they made a fresh start. “Mas protective pa sila kasi ayaw nila ipaalam sa iba. Kaya pag may naka-alam, nilipat na agad ako ng school. Malayo. Kaya hindi rin ako nakapag-college dahil sa ganung sitwasyon. Lumilipat na rin ng bahay (My parents were more protective because they didn’t want others to know. So when someone discovered, they immediately transfer me to another school. Far. This is also why I failed to complete college. We also moved houses).”
ACCEPTING ONESELF
As an adult, a former boss – a doctor – once offered Kiel “corrective surgery.” He refused. “Kasi sabi ng tatay ako ayaw niya kasi baka pag-aralan lang daw ako. Tsaka sabi ko kung ano yung bigay sa akin ng Diyos, tanggapin ko na lang (My father told me he doesn’t want me to do this since they may just study me. Also, I said that I’ll just accept what God gave me).”
It was actually only in 2018 when Kiel encountered the word “intersex”, while watching the dramatization of an intersex person’s life in a TV show. He was based in Mindanao at that time, living with a woman following the Islamic faith.
Kiel actually lived as he identified (as male) while in Mindanao, with the family of the woman he lived with very accepting of him. Unfortunately, that relationship ended.
CONFRONTING CHALLENGES
Kiel used to have plans to go abroad, maybe work there. But this is easier said than done, he said, “particularly for intersex people like myself.” He added: “Di nga ako makakuha ng passport. Kailangan baguhin lahat (I can’t even get a passport. I have to change all documents).”
And this change is supposed to start with Kiel knowing his intersex variation. And yet “hindi ko alam ano variation ko. Meron balak magpa-check kung may pera. Mahal eh (I don’t know my variation. There are plans to get checked when I have money. It’s expensive).”
The only intersex-related check-up Kiel remembered was when a nurse checked him in a barangay health center. “Sabi ng nurse hermaphrodite daw. Pero mas lamang daw ang lalaki kasi kita daw sa physical yung lalaki (The nurse said I’m a hermaphrodite. But the male characteristics are more apparent),” he said, stressing instead the lack of knowledge of the one who checked him.
That experience – among others – stressed to Kiel that “hindi sapat ang support sa intersex people (support for intersex people isn’t enough),” he said, adding that even hospitals don’t know enough about intersex variations, and “siguro mas kailangan na malaman nila na may ganitong cases (perhaps they need to know more that such cases exist).” – WITH MICHAEL DAVID dela Cruz TAN
THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE APPEARED IN “I EXISTS”, A COFFEE TABLE BOOK PRODUCED IN 2023 BY INTERSEX PHILIPPINES, INC. (IXPI) TO HIGHLIGHT THAT THE ‘I’ IN THE LGBTQIA ACRONYM EXISTS, AND THAT MANY OF THEIR ISSUES CONTINUE TO BE NEGLECTED EVEN BY THE LGBTQIA COMMUNITY.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ON IXPI, OR OF “I EXISTS”, CONTACT IXPI, THE PIONEERING ORGANIZATION FOR INTERSEX PEOPLE IN THE PHILIPPINES.
