This is part of a series of articles attempting to describe, enter, portray, and hopefully understand the psyche of someone waiting for answers, and outcomes of the unknown. Some days will be long, some days will be shorter than usual, some days will be too devastating… all reflected in the articles.
He woke up a bit late. He was restless and tired.
It started with “finally, only two days left” to “oh damn, there are still two days.”
He was resenting himself already for letting things go in this situation. He was mad at himself. He was furious about everything. He was agitated at how things were turning out.
The numbness was starting to eat him. The countless feelings and fears continue to threaten his sanity – especially now when it is almost there, but not quite yet.
“Maybe the past days were just preparing me for what would possibly happen in the last two days, but to actually go through the entire day was really difficult,” Pierce said.
When we experience something really bad or negative, and it affected the way we think, see things, react on anything, it usually becomes a form of trauma. The things that have contributed to that situation will become triggers. Whether we like it or not, these triggers will appear in any form and in any situation. It will become part of your core memory.
“I am feeling anxious. I do not know what was really going on in his mind. Was I being played?” Pierce continued to question the situation.
It was the penultimate day. It became one of the longest days. It was traumatizing. And it was triggering everything.
“I do not want to be negative. I am holding on to what my heart is saying,” Pierce said.
It may not be the most ideal thing to do and follow, but he chose to remain resilient.
Most people mistaken resiliency as being stupid and blind.
Resiliency is one’s ability to process and successfully adapt to any challenge or difficulty of life experiences, especially through behavioral, emotional, and even mental flexibility – and the adjustment to external and internal push and pull. This is a rare trait to have.
Armored with his feelings, Pierce’s resiliency to hold on to what they started remains strong. His love for him is still the same. Always have, always will.
What will happen next week? What will happen in case things go left? What will happen now?
It was traumatizing. It was unbearable. It was really painful. It. Was. Difficult.
