By Kate Montecarlo Cordova
Founder and Chairwoman
Association of Transgender People in the Philippines
Overview: I saw a video of Ricky Reyes saying that ibagay natin ang ayos natin sa mga taong kaharap natin. Isang halimbawa na binigay nya ay ang sarili niyang naka-bangs. However, naka-brush up ito pag mga matataas na tao ang kaharap.
That is the gist of his message with my assumption that he is gay and not a trans woman, that he identifies himself as a man.
My Message: Equality is not sameness. It is freedom without punishment.
A rebuttal to the harmful rhetoric of conformity
When a prominent gay figure claims that LGBTQIA+ individuals — especially trans women and gay men — must “behave accordingly” by dressing or appearing in ways that are more “acceptable” to others, we are not simply hearing an opinion. We are witnessing a deeply internalized bias masquerading as social wisdom.
While perhaps intended as a gesture of self-preservation or ‘peacekeeping,’ this belief is both psychologically damaging and philosophically unsound.
Let us dissect this idea carefully.
Psychologically, this belief reinforces minority stress, a well-studied phenomenon in which LGBTQIA+ individuals suffer chronic stress due to stigma, concealment of identity, and fear of rejection. Encouraging people to suppress or modify their authentic selves to avoid discomfort from others doesn’t build harmony. It builds trauma. It encourages disassociation from one’s true identity, leading to anxiety, depression, and even suicidal ideation.
Philosophically, the idea collapses under the weight of basic ethics. Respect for persons — a core Kantian principle — means treating individuals as ends in themselves, never as means to an end.
Requiring someone to look or act a certain way just to be respected reduces them to a tool for someone else’s comfort. It violates their autonomy, their dignity, and their moral agency.
Moreover, this demand for conformity contradicts the very essence of equality.
Equality is not sameness; it is the freedom to be different without punishment. As the world progresses, societies move toward recognizing plurality and celebrating diversity — not erasing it for the sake of uniformity.
What makes this rhetoric especially absurd – and heartbreaking – is that it comes from someone within our own LGBTQIA+ community.
When a gay public figure tells trans women and effeminate gays to change themselves to be more “acceptable,” it mirrors the very discrimination many of us have spent lifetimes resisting.
And now, ironically, in a world where even heterosexuals are fighting for the freedom of self-expression – challenging gender roles, defying fashion norms, embracing authenticity – seeing a gay man advocate for repression is not only dissonant. It is a betrayal.
It sends a chilling message: that survival comes at the cost of authenticity; that respect must be negotiated, not demanded; and worst of all – that our identities are burdens to be managed, not truths to be celebrated.
The havoc
This kind of mentality doesn’t only affect those who are loud, proud, and visible. It ripples across the entire community. It gives license to prejudice. It tells bigots, “You’re right to feel uncomfortable. We’ll make ourselves smaller for you.” It emboldens systems that already deny us space, visibility, and agency.
It also divides us — creating a false hierarchy of the “acceptable” and the “too much.” It pits one part of the community against another, weakening the solidarity we so urgently need.
Let us be clear: self-expression is not rebellion — it is a human right.
Our hair, our clothing, our walk, our tone — these are extensions of our inner truth. To be asked to mute them is not a path to respect. It is a slow death of the self.
We must reject any ideology — regardless of who delivers it — that conditions human worth on conformity.
We are not here to “behave” to please others. We are here to be — fully, freely, and unapologetically.
And the world is better for it.
