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Sex facts nobody tells you about

If you don’t go to the right sources, you’ll find that there’s a lot about sex that you still don’t know. Sex is beautiful, but it’s also one topic that requires anyone to become educated.

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Sex. This word is possibly one of the most controversial in the English language and for good reason. Sex sells, sex is racy, and sex is also amazing. But sex is also one topic that is still considered taboo in many cultures, which births so many ignorant theories that leave many people baffled.

From basic quips to advanced theories, here are some facts about sex nobody tells you about.

The Myth Surrounding Sex Toys 

Many people think that only kinky or sex-crazed couples get to use sex toys, or that only middle-aged single women use vibrators. On the contrary, sex toys have been growing increasingly popular among many couples of all ages. For starters, sex toys have proven to spice up the bedroom and bring you closer to your partner. It does not remove intimacy, but rather enhances it. 

Sex toys like vibrators or even assistive devices like penis pumps can aid pleasure more than you know. Penis pumps creators at Penomet.com claim that it’s a revolutionary device set to help you keep your erection in an effortless manner, thus making you focus on one thing: getting the deed done pleasurably. These devices aid erectile dysfunction as well. Many vibrators also help women orgasm faster to enhance their sexual experience. Needless to say, some of these toys and devices might actually help elevate your sexual journey. 

Sex is Messy 

Remember those sex scenes in a movie where they’ve just had sex and lie in bed or get up effortlessly as if there was no romp in the sheets? In the real world, sex is quite messy and isn’t followed by an immediate cuddle session each time. Many people have failed to mention that after sex, you’re required to clean up your business. Whether you keep a towel next to you or you shower immediately, cleaning yourself up is the most sanitary thing to do. 

Speaking of messes, one thing many ladies should know is that what comes up, must come down. If your partner ejaculated inside of you without a condom, then eventually his semen will come out a few minutes after; your body doesn’t magically absorb it. 

All About the Big O 

There’s still looming mystery surrounding the female orgasm. Believe it or not, studies have shown that orgasms get better as you age. There isn’t the kind of pressure to perform as you once had in your 20s; you’re more confident, you understand your body more, and you know exactly what you want. With women, their sexual prime lasts well beyond their 30s and 40s. 

One of the many misconceptions is that women orgasm from penetration. Believe it or not, that isn’t always the case. Many men (and women) believe that women can only orgasm with penetration, and if they don’t, then they’re super disappointed and claim sex isn’t that enjoyable. When, in fact, all that woman needs is a good old clitoral stimulation doing the trick. Around 80% of women in a study have claimed to the only orgasm from clitoris stimulation as opposed to 18% percent who claimed penetration does the trick. 

Sexual Drive Differs

While other studies also claim that sexual desire and drives change over the years, it can still depend on a number of factors. For starters, sexual drive differs from one person to the other. The supposed frequency of sex that many studies claim a mature couple goes through doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen to you.

Yes, you might find that physical changes are inevitable such as vaginal dryness or problems with erections, but that doesn’t mean your drive is lost. There are many ways to keep the pleasure going and keep the intimacy alive. 

Your First Time Isn’t Always Magical 

Thanks to pop culture, they have always portrayed the first time someone loses their V card as a magical experience. While there’s no doubt that the first time you have sex is magical, that’s not always the case with every single person on earth.

Sex is different from one person to the other, and the first time can be a very painful and joyless experience, especially if you don’t really know what you’re doing. Another misconception is that if it hurts, then it’s working. Sadly, no, if it hurts too much then something is clearly wrong and you should stop what you’re doing to avoid any damage to your genitals. Over time, sex becomes an enjoyable experience and soon enough you’ll forget about how awkward your first time was and see fireworks.

To this day, sex can remain a mystery; there are many things that no one tells you about sex growing up, and sex education could possibly use some revamping to provide anyone with the necessary knowledge. If you don’t go to the right sources, you’ll find that there’s a lot about sex that you still don’t know. Sex is beautiful, but it’s also one topic that requires anyone to become educated. 

Love Affairs

What makes a happy couple, a happy family?

Being mindful and emotionally flexible in tough and challenging situations not only improves the lives of individuals, it might also strengthen and enrich their close relationships.

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Photo by Maico Pereira from Unsplash.com

“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” Leo Tolstoy wrote famously in 1878 in the opening lines of Anna Karenina. Turns out the Russian author was onto something.

Cohesive families, indeed, seem to share a few critical traits – psychologists agree. Being emotionally flexible may be one of the most important factors when it comes to longevity and overall health of your romantic and familial relationships.

That’s the finding of a new University of Rochester meta-analysis, published in the Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, which statistically combined the results of 174 separate studies that had looked at acceptance and commitment therapy, mindfulness, and emotion regulation.

The researchers’ aim was to clarify how mindful flexibility – on one hand – and inattentive, mindless, and rigid inflexibility on the other – were linked to the dynamics within families and romantic relationships.

“Put simply,” says coauthor Ronald Rogge, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, “this meta-analysis underscores that being mindful and emotionally flexible in tough and challenging situations not only improves the lives of individuals, it might also strengthen and enrich their close relationships.”

Psychological flexibility versus inflexibility

Psychological flexibility is defined as a set of skills that people use when they’re presented with difficult or challenging thoughts, feelings, emotions, or experiences. Such skills encompass:

  • Being open to experiences–both good and bad–and accepting them no matter how challenging or difficult they might be
  • Having a mindful attentive awareness of the present moment throughout day-to-day life
  • Experiencing thoughts and feelings without obsessively clinging to them
  • Maintaining a broader perspective even in the midst of difficult thoughts and feelings
  • Learning to actively maintain contact with our deeper values, no matter how stressful or chaotic each day is
  • Continuing to take steps toward a goal, even in the face of difficult experiences and setbacks

The opposite – psychological inflexibility – describes six specific behaviors, including:

  • Actively avoiding difficult thoughts, feelings, and experiences
  • Going through daily life in a distracted and inattentive manner
  • Getting stuck in difficult thoughts and feelings
  • Seeing difficult thoughts and feelings as a personal reflection and feeling judged or shameful for having them
  • Losing track of deeper priorities within the stress and chaos of day-to-day life
  • Getting derailed easily by setbacks or difficult experiences, resulting in being unable to take steps toward deeper goals.

Psychologists consider the rigid and inflexible responses to difficult or challenging experiences dysfunctional, ultimately contributing to and exacerbating a person’s psychopathology.

Photo by @suzylee from Unsplash.com

How flexibility shapes interactions

Through their analysis, coauthor Jennifer Daks, a PhD candidate in the Rochester Department of Psychology, and Rogge discovered that within families, higher levels of various forms of parental psychological flexibility were linked to:

  • Greater use of adaptive parenting strategies
  • Fewer incidents of lax, harsh, and negative parenting strategies
  • Lower perceived parenting stress or burden
  • Greater family cohesion <
  • Lower child distress

Within romantic relationships, higher levels of various forms of psychological inflexibility were linked to:

  • Lower relationship satisfaction for themselves and their partners
  • Lower sexual satisfaction
  • Lower emotional supportiveness
  • Greater negative conflict, physical aggression, attachment anxiety, and attachment avoidance

The results suggest that psychological flexibility and inflexibility may play key roles in both couples and families in shaping how individuals interact with the people closest to them, the researchers write.

The meta-analysis, also commonly referred to as a “study of studies,” cements and adds to the findings of Rogge’s earlier work in which he and a team tested the effects of couples’ watching movies together and talking about the films afterward. In that work, Rogge and his colleagues demonstrated that couples could bring mindful awareness, compassion, and flexibility back into their relationships by using movies to spark meaningful relationship discussions, leading to both immediate and long-term benefits.

That study, conducted in 2013, found that an inexpensive, fun, and relatively simple watch-and-talk approach can be just as effective as other more intensive therapist-led methods–more than halving the divorce or separation rate from 24 to 11 percent after the first three years of marriage.

Being mindful and emotionally flexible in tough and challenging situations not only improves the lives of individuals, it might also strengthen and enrich their close relationships.

“The results suggest that husbands and wives have a pretty good sense of what they might be doing right and wrong in their relationships,” Rogge said about the earlier study. “You might not need to teach them a whole lot of skills to cut the divorce rate. You might just need to get them to think about how they are currently behaving. And for five movies to give us a benefit over three years–that is awesome.”

Watching and discussing movies with your partner that feature onscreen couples can have a positive effect on your relationship, Rogge recently told People magazine. It’s an easy exercise that “could be a lifesaver during quarantine,” he says.

Which movies work? As Good as It GetsFunny GirlGone with the WindLove StoryIndecent ProposalThe Devil Wears Prada, and Father of the Bride are a few of the films Rogge and his fellow researchers used in their 2013 study of couples.

Looking for some LGBTQ recommendations? Rogge suggests The Kids Are AlrightThe Wedding BanquetThe Birdcage, and episodes of Grace and Frankie.

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Love Affairs

Problems in your relationship? What can you do about them?

Understanding how to tackle a problem is just as important as the problem itself, so if you don’t know how to approach this issue, keep reading.

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Relationships aren’t always rainbows and butterflies. At some point, something is going to go wrong. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, meaning that there will be a problem at some point that you’re just going to have to deal with. But do you know how to do this?

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Understanding how to tackle a problem is just as important as the problem itself, so if you don’t know how to approach this issue, keep reading down below. Here, you are going to find some of our advice as to what you can do when there’s problems in your relationship. 

Talk About Them

The first thing that you’re going to need to do is talk about them. When there is an issue, encouraging open and honest communication is the very best thing that you can do to tackle whatever it is. If you think about it, how is the other person supposed to know that there is an issue if you’re not willing to talk about it? You know that if your partner has a problem, you want them to discuss it with you so that you can work on it. Without this communication, you’re never going to get very far in a relationship.

You need to trust that you can have an honest conversation about your feelings. If you think that you can’t, then you’re not in the right relationship.

Seek Help

If you feel as though talking isn’t solving the issue and you’re unable to fix the problem yourself, then you can always seek help. There are professionals out there that deal with this kind of thing for a reason, and it’s because it isn’t always easy to see certain things when you’re the one in the situation. So, you might want to think about something such as sex therapy counselling if you think that this is where the issue is. Or, if you’re married and having multiple problems, general marriage counselling might work out better for you. Just remember that there are professionals to help should you need them.

Find A Solution

The final thing that you need to do is find a solution. We know that it isn’t always this simple, but it becomes far easier when you change your outlook on a situation. You need to remember that it is you and your partner vs. the problem, not you vs. your partner. Once you realize this, it becomes far easier to come up with a solution that suits everyone because you view the problem from both sides. A relationship will only work for as long as you are both trying, so keep this in mind and give it everything that you’ve got.

We hope that you have found this article helpful and now have a better understanding as to some of the things that you can do when there is a problem in your relationship. Do at least one of these things, and we’re sure that you will find a way to get past whatever the problem is right now. We wish you all the best.

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Countries with most, least cheaters identified

Wanna know which countries have the most – and least – cheaters, and who they cheat with? Here’s a rundown.

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From sports legends to royal members and the average Joes, many people have been caught cheating in relationships. But instead of packing your bags and going to live with your parents, why not hop on a plane and move to the county with the least amount of infidelities? 

With that in mind, the experts at the online marketplace OnBuy.com sought to find out which countries had the most and least cheaters. To find out, they surveyed 30,000 people from 30 different countries around the globe to see how many respondents admitted to cheating on their partners. 

OnBuy.com was also curious to see who the person a cheater is most likely to cheat with in each country. 

Countries with most cheaters?

The US came on to among the countries with the most cheater with 71% of all respondents saying they have cheated at least once in their relationships. But who do Americans cheat with the most? The study revealed that the partner in crime of choice for most people in the US, when it comes to cheating, is the ex-partner.

In second place among the countries with the most cheaters is Germany, where 68% of people admitted to cheating on their partners at least once. When it comes to the person most Germans cheat with, friends topped the list.

The third country with the most cheaters is the UK, where 66% of British respondents admitted to cheating… also mostly with a friend.

Some people prefer one-night stands with strangers. In fact, most respondents from Thailand, France, Russia and Australia said they’ve slept with a stranger behind their partners’ backs. 

Countries with least cheaters? 

Not all apples are bad, but sometimes you need to travel far to find a good one.

Iceland topped the list of countries with least cheaters, with only 9% of the Icelandic respondents admitted to cheating; most did so with an ex-partner. 

Greenland is the second least cheating country with only 12% of people saying they’ve ever cheated. Friends topped the list of cheating partners.

The third country with the least number of cheaters is Ireland, where 15% of Celts said they did the dirty on their partners. Those who cheated did so with their ex-partners.

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How to have an intimate wedding

If you are having to rethink your wedding this year, or have always been attracted to the idea of a small and intimate wedding, here are some tips to help you pull it off.

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Unfortunately 2020 has meant that many couples have had to rearrange their original nuptial plans or cancel them altogether. For those that had been dreaming of their big days for months or even years, this was a devastating blow. While this kind of disappointment can be heart-breaking, changing big wedding plans to something more intimate does have its perks, and some couples would prefer this kind of celebration altogether. 

If you are having to rethink your wedding this year, or have always been attracted to the idea of a small and intimate wedding, here are some tips to help you pull it off.

Limit the Guest List

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be one of the harder parts of the planning process. Of course, every bride and groom want their immediate family members present, as well as their closest friends, but then you need to think about aunties, uncles, cousins, colleagues, etc. Although you might be worried about offending people if you want an intimate wedding you need to cut the extended family members and colleagues from the list. Only those you have a close relationship with should be present at your wedding.

Choose a Personal Venue

Grand manor houses and fancy hotel ballrooms are all great options for wedding venues, but they don’t exactly scream ‘intimate’. If you want your wedding to feel truly personal to you and your partner, choose somewhere that means something to you both. Where did you go on your first date? Is there a cute B&B where you spent your first weekend away together? You could even get married at a family home in the gardens if you wanted to, and you could hire bartenders from a company such as eventbartenders.com and caterers, too.

Handmade Décor

For further personal touches to your intimate wedding (and to help you save some pennies!) consider handmaking some decorations for the special day. Simple candles and flowers always make gorgeous centerpieces for the tables, and you could spruce up a plain notebook or photo album to transform it into a pretty guestbook, or fill mason jars with twinkly lights and petals for some elegant, rustic lighting. It might take a little more effort on your part, but with the help of some friends and family, you can create pretty, unique decorations that will add to the romantic atmosphere.

Menu

A menu of simple yet delicious dishes is perfect for keeping things low-key on your big day. Italian cuisine is always popular and a great crowd-pleaser if you are opting for a sit-down meal rather than a buffet. If you want more of a festival vibe for your wedding, which seems to be a growing trend, hire a few different food trucks for your wedding instead, and give your guests a choice. 

Consider a Registry Office

If you want to save money and keep things small, marry at a registry office and head to a bar or restaurant for your reception. It might not sound very grand, but this is perfect for intimate weddings and allows couples to relax a little more on their big day. 

For the perfect intimate wedding, think about the points above and whether they could work for you.

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Safety precautions to take on your first date

So, how do you stay safe when going out with someone for the first time? Here are some tips.

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We all have a perfect sequence of events lined up in our minds when going on a date. You definitely want to be sure you have made the right choice, but you also want your first date to be a memorable one for the right reasons. Unfortunately, dates can be a nightmare. Apart from dealing with an obnoxious or rude date, reports of date rape have risen by 450% since 2016. This means that without taking the right safety precautions, you may end up being assaulted or worse.

IMAGE SOURCE: PEXELS.COM

So, how do you stay safe when going out with someone for the first time? Here are some tips.

1. Keep your friends and family informed

No matter how much you trust your date companion, it is best to keep your friends, family, and loved ones in the loop about where you’re planning to go and when. Ensure that they have necessary details like the location, contact number, name of your date, and the day and time of your date. If you make any sudden changes concerning your planned date location, let your loved ones know immediately. Also, ensure that your smartphone’s location services are always on.

2. Meet in a public place

First of all, pick your preferred location and ensure that it is in a public place. Also, make sure that your preferred location is as close to your home as possible. You may want to choose a romantic restaurant that meets your fancy, but it might not be the best option if it is too far away from home. Instead, you can go to a local restaurant, a cafe, or a park close to home. If you’re meeting someone for the first time, please avoid following them to their homes immediately. It would help if you also took time to research social distance date ideas to protect yourself during this pandemic. 

3. Provide your transportation 

It feels romantic to have someone pick you up right from home, open the doors for you, and hand you a rose. But that can wait for now, as your safety is the most important thing at the moment. If you’re planning on meeting someone you don’t know very well, go with your own transportation. There have been several instances of people being picked up by strange vehicles and not making it back home. If you own a car, drive yourself to the location. Alternatively, you can use an Uber. 

4. Leave when you’re uncomfortable

If your date makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, then it is time to leave without hesitation. There are times when you need to trust your intuition and instincts, and when it comes to your safety, one red flag is more than enough. Pay attention to signs like your date’s body language, demeanor, and the kind of things they say. For example, if they’re being too physical or trying to invade your personal space, then that’s a no-no. 

Finally, before setting off from home, put your investigative hat on and conduct a thorough background check.

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Same-gender couples interact better than heterosexual couples

In terms of the quality of interactions with their partners, the study found same-gendered relationships had better-quality interactions than found in different-gendered relationships.

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Photo by Radek Pestka from Unsplash.com

Same-gender couples have higher-quality interactions with one another than heterosexual couples.

This is according to a new UC Riverside study that also holds that couples with two men have the smallest social networks.

Researcher Megan Robbins says the recent study is the first to compare same- and different-sex couples’ social networks and daily interactions with one another.

Past research shows that same-gender couples enjoy strengths including appreciation of individual differences, positive emotions, and effective communication. But research hasn’t compared the quality of their daily interactions – inside and outside the couple dynamic – to those of heterosexual couples. 

“The comparison is important because there is so much research linking the quality of romantic relationships and other social ties to health and well-being, yet it is unclear if this applies similarly or differently to people in same-gender romantic relationships because they have been historically excluded from past research,” said Robbins, who is an associate professor of psychology at UCR. Reasons for potential differences include the stigma sexual minorities face, and also their resilience.

For the study, Robbins and her team recruited same-gender and different-gender couples throughout Southern California. The couples had to be in a married or “married-like” committed relationship; living together for at least a year; and have no physical or mental health conditions that impeded their daily functioning.

Among those who applied to be in the study, 78 couples were found to be eligible, 77 of which provided enough data to be used. Twenty-four of the couples were woman-woman; 20 were man-man, and 33 were man-woman.

Participants met with the researchers on two separate Fridays, a month apart, completing surveys. They received text or email prompts several times in the days following the in-person meetings. In the text/email prompts, participants were asked whether they had an interaction with their partner, a family member, or a friend in the past 10 minutes, then asked to rate the quality of the social interaction using a five-point scale – one being unpleasant; three, neutral; five, pleasant.

In terms of social networks, the study found couples in man-man relationships had smaller social networks than woman-woman and man-woman couples. On the other end of the results spectrum, women in relationships with men were most likely to have the largest social networks.

Robbins said the finding is consistent with previous research showing men with men experience the least acceptance among family members.

“We hypothesized that one model for how the social life of people in same-gender couples might differ from those in different-gender couples was a honing model, where people in same-gender couples reduce their social networks down to only those people who are supportive. We found some support for this by learning that the men with men had the smallest social networks in our sample.,” Robbins said.

The quality of interactions with families was reported to be greatest by same-gender couples. There was no difference for interaction quality with friends.

In terms of the quality of interactions with their partners, the study found same-gendered relationships had better-quality interactions than found in different-gendered relationships.

Robbins said that may be due to greater similarity between partners when they share a gender identity, and greater equality within the couple, compared to people in different-sex couples.

“When male and female partners interact, they may do so from a culturally imposed frame wherein men and women are considered ‘opposites,’ which creates more potential for tension in interactions,” Robbins wrote in the paper, titled Social Compensation and Honing Frameworks, and published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

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